[Kitty25]

Hello everyone,

If someone else were to ask this question, I think I could answer. But when it's you, all the clarity goes out of the window..

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years, and we have lived together for about a year and a half. We both come from two neighbouring cities, 30 miles apart. For logistical and financial reasons (and those lovvy ones too) we decided to live in his city, because it was easier for me to get to work from here. It's great here, we live in a lovely area and there's plenty of shops and things to do.

However (but, of course) it has meant that I have left all my friends and family in my own city and I miss them. I knew what I was doing and choose it, but that's not really the point.

Since we have been living here, my job has changed significantly and so has his. We don't have the same financial or logistical reasons to live together. It's just the case that he wants to stay here (he isn't originally from here either, but has lived here since university) and I desperately want to move back to my own city.

It puts a strain on our relationship. He doesn't see that it can be hard to find a new group of friends for me in this city. I volunteer at the local council and take French group lessons, get involved, but I don't have the same core of friends as I do back home because I haven't spent years building up tight bonds with them here (and that is the way I work when it comes to friends.) My job isn't even here.

I drive through my own city everyday to get to work - it's on the way to another city 20 miles further out - but I never really stop to visit because it's late by the time I am on my way home. And even if I were to stop (from time to time I do), it is not the same as my old friends popping around on a Saturday morning because they happen to be free. I miss walking down the street and recognising people or bumping into friends.

I have asked my partner if he would move to my town, and he is adament against it. Part of me tells myself that if I just leave it a little while longer, I will get over it and settle here (still counting.. ) But the other part of me is angry that I have made the compromise (even though I was happy to do it at the time, and don't blame him per se.) The rational part of me says that I should ask him if he wants to live in a different city from me - neither of us should surely have to compromise on things like environment or happiness.

It's not like it's a horrible place to live here, it's truly fab here. Is it home? No.

Asking my boyfriend if he wanted to part ways probably wouldn't go down too well with him, and if he agreed to it, it would go down even worse with me.

Loose, loose? Help me think this one through - it's life changing!

[Fr_Chuck]

I don't see the talk of love, talk of being with him is more important than anything.

So change jobs to one closer to where you now live ? But with that said, it is only 30 miles for heavens sake, 30 miles is not even from one side of Atlanta to another. We travel that far all the time for dinner, or a movie or a show, If you don't go a little distance of just 30 miles to see family and friends, there are other issues.

[Alexandra12]

You should talk to him and give him lots of resons and maybe he will understand.

[SoftSummer]

So I'll give you possible options and then my opinion

Option 1: Move out - you guys lived separately before, why couldn't you do it again? The only issue would be that you guys would be "digressing" in the natural pattern of companionship. But that's not always a bad thing per se.

Option 2: Stay there - I mean, it's 30 miles. I live 3 hours away from my family so it kind of sucks because the distance doesn't always allow me to see them all the time.

Basically, I honestly don't understand why you can't stay because it's just 30 miles... but if it makes you unhappy then why not move out? I don't know why your boyfriend is so against moving back, but I can understand where he's coming here because at the time you both were uber eager to move to the current city you're in. It's up to you. Do what makes you happy.

[odinn7]

You have to decide if he is more important than you living in your town. Does he really make you happy? Would you be happier being home? That's what this all hangs on... happiness. Which thing will make you happier?

[talaniman]

Do nothing until you decide what's more important, living together and working on a relationship, or being able to explore friendships, and shops in other nearby communities.

I see no conflict since they are close, but maybe its because 30 miles is NOTHING in the big city. But this is what struck me the most,

"We don't have the same financial or logistical reasons to live together"

You want out, get out, as a lovey dovey relationship of convienience will seldom grow when resentments get in the way, and you cannot get what you want from a partner. If you cannot resolve things while you are living together, then I doubt if moving out will help anything.

Your choice, what do you place as a higher priority? Living with him, or doing your thing without him?