[fightingstepmom]

Recently, my estranged husband had a child with another woman. At the time, they were both on Meth, so right away he knew the baby was going to be taken into CPS custody.

I was at the hospital the second day she was put into neonatal due to an infection. I stood by my husband's side every minute. He allowed me to name her, and I chose "Serenity", due to the Serenity Prayer that we learned when we were part of the N/A progarm.

On the 14th of Jan. 2011 he entered a year-long program which I was already part of. I continued for a whole 7 months to stand by his side and be part of his recovery and part of Serenitys life. We visited twice weekly with her for 2 hours; always brought her clothes and whatever she needed.

All was well for us, then in July, Serenity was granted to come home with us. We were all very excited, including my three teenage daughters, and very quickly we all grew attached to her. During this time, the birth mother had her parental rights taken away since she did not comply and get into a program.

We continued to raise the baby, and he continued to meet all of his requirements to keep the baby. In late September, I got word that the birth mother was hanging around again. I asked him and he denied it all, as usual. I have been dealing with these two through two years and two babies.

I left it alone and just kept on going to work and raising Serenity. She was with me all the time, and if not with me, with my daughters. In November, I found out that he was taking the baby to see her birth mother knowing that she wasn't to be near her.

I mentioned it to him and he said that if I liked it or not she was her mother. So as time went on, he was spending more and more time with the birth mother without Serenity, he would be gone all day and not come home till one or two in the morning.

In December, It got worse when he told me that he was going to try and work things out. He has continues taking the chance and taking the baby around her still. About a month ago, he started renting rooms and not coming home at all leaving the baby behind with us to care for her which we don't mind.

At our last home visit he wasn't present so I sat and talked to the worker and told her that I would be moving out after the February. A Court hearing was scheduled which was going to decide if his case would stay open or closed. During this time, he has become very rude, inconsiderate, disrespectful, etc.

He has moved the baby from her sitter and has taken her were I can't have contact during the day. He doesn't bring her home until late, and sometimes, if anyone is home, he just drops her off and leaves. I am not happy about any of this, but at the moment my main concern is the baby.

I have been raising her for a year and a month, and we are very very attached to her.

I have to let go of her for the fact that when I move out next week, he said that the girls and myself were no longer going to be able to see her or be part of her life. I know what he is doing is wrong, and I know that if CPS gets word of him taking the baby around her birth mother, she could be taken away.

I let them know as much as I could for the safety of the baby but it just seems like it's not working. He went to court on the 1st, and they left his case open during this time. We will be fighting as hard as we can to still be part of the baby's life, so I'm asking what rights do I have - if I have any at all - to even get visitation with her.

I know he's going to fail her. I pray he doesn't, but whenever he gets involved with this woman, he always falls, and if this were to happen, he could lose Serenity, and I would hate to see that happen.

Help please...

[CliffARobinson]

From the details of your question, it would appear that he is using again? Since the birth mother has already lost her rights by the state, and, it appears your husband is not able to make good decisions, is there a reason you have not reported the whole thing to CPS?

If it's because you don't want to lose the ability to see the baby, I personally believe that is a selfish reason. The most important thing for everyone involved in this situation is the health and welfare of the child.

Do what is best for the child. Get her out of the situation immediately. Do not concern yourself with what rights you may or may not have. Get that child to a safe environment now. Contact CPS and tell them everything.

This is my layperson's opinion, of course, a lawyer may answer your concerns over parental rights. And, I have two questions - are you still married to this man, and do you continue to remain clean?

[Fr_Chuck]

A step mother has no "legal rights" in that as a primary care giver, if CPS takes the child into their custody, you could file to be perhaps at first a foster parent and perhaps even get guardianship.

[JudyKayTee]

You, unfortunately, have no legal rights to the child. Any "blood" relative could come forward in a custody hearing.

The harsh truth is that if he is endangering the child he MUST be reported to CPS - maybe he'll lose custody, maybe another relative will step forward, maybe you'll be very fortunate and you can get custody BUT the first priority is keeping the child safe.