[cluelesslylost]

Hi. I have never done this before but I need to talk to someone and I don't have anyone to talk to about this. I have been in a relationship with a guy for 4 years. We are from different religions and so kept it a secret from everyone even our friends. We loved each other a lot and we were best friends. The past 5 months we tried to end our relationship and stay friends because due to the religion differences it was going nowhere. It was on and off for all the months. Whenever we talked more we missed each other more and end up together again. The last time we were together was new years eve.

My fear throughout the four years was not ending my relationship with him it was ending our friendship. I was scared I will lose the closest person to me my best friend who I loved and trusted. I hate lying. I never lied. The only lie I ever told was being with him. I lost my best friends because of these lies. But I was OK with that because I had him.

The past few weeks, he changed. He became angry and would talk to me in a mean and nasty way. Crying would anger him more. Complaining that I never see him anymore or we never talk would drive him angry too. I couldn't stop thinking why did he change so much. Why was he OK for us to be so apart why was he talking to me as if he hates me. He had a best friend a girl who is very nice. He always would spend time with her or if we go out he would come with her. Whenever I asked him if smth is going on at first he would say no they are close and go out a lot. That they were friends like us now. But he never saw me rarely called me. So I complained I said I miss my best friends miss spending time with him miss our talks.

He became angrier said I kept nagging and complaining shouted at me to leave him alone. That we need to move on. I told him I wasn't upset we aren't together I am just upset I am losing my best friend I tried a lot to make him listen. But he kept saying I love discussions, and complaints. He said he needed time so two weeks after new years I decided to stay away. He called me today two weeks later. I was at my worst, I hated myself for who I became a person who nags and begs to see him. I felt I lost my dignity I felt I wasted 4 years of my life lost my friends and the worst thing is I have no one I can turn to how can I ask anyone for help when I lied for years about him.

So I didn't answer him he kept calling saying he is worried wants to check on me. So when I answered and told him how I hate how he ruined everything how he drifted away how we reached here, he got angry again I asked to see him to talk to solve this so we can be normal. I hate the weirdness and awkwardness he created. We have same group of friends now I am not seeing them anymore. He refused said he needed to go with his dad run some errands and that his life isn't centered around me and my cries. Said he was driving can't text anymore. I texted back saying I know he lied and I get it now won't bother him again. He sent me a confused look. So I said I was at the traffic light that moment and in the car in front of me there they were together he was in the passenger seat and his "best friend" sitting right next to him. I thanked him for everything. He didn't reply.

I screwed myself for two weeks crying and thinking and trying to let him make effort to stay close friends he changed so much I feel I don't know him at all anymore. Is he having a relationship with her? Did he move on so fast ? Did I ever mean anything to him? Didn't our friendship mean anything? Why did he lie? Did he lie before? Why did he ruin our friendship? How can I stay friends? Should I? Should I talk to him or see him? Should I give him his gifts back? Am sorry for the long long message. Am just so confused so lost and so very alone. What should I do?

[talaniman]

I feel your pain, but I think you have become so used to the lies, secrets, and fantasies that you are having trouble letting go of this dead end street, and embracing what you need to do.

Build a happy life without him, with friends, family, and activities, and goals to shoot for. That's how you thrive and survive in real life, and leave behind the secret life that wasn't healthy at all. Yes the healing will take a while, and will be difficult, but eventually, if you leave them alone, and stop your isolation from real people, your misery will lessen, and
Your honesty and clarity will return.

He is right, time to move on and get beyond the failures, secrets, and regrets. And he does need to leave you alone because any contact from him to you triggers misery, hurt, and deep seated resentments. Ignore his efforts, and give yourself a chance to recover from your hurts.

Should I remain friends with my ex?

Absolutely NOT!!

[Fr_Chuck]

How old are you, how often did you ever see him in person, it sounds like a long distant relationship of some sort.

Also what type of dating or relationship did you have since no one knew of it.

[nidhi_aj]

Try to talk to your friends.Try to make new friends.I think you must try to move on.You must try to stop thinking about it or you'll ruin the rest of your life.Try to be in person.I hope it'll help.