[johnson22]

I have been dating this girl for the past 5 months and things at first couldn't have been better. It was in September that we met and soon began dating. She told me about 2 months in that she loved me and that I was her dream boy and everything she ever wanted in a boyfriend. I told her I loved her too, because I did and we were extremely happy. The only problem was that I didn't get to see her much because of my school grades, which kept me busy on the weekends. She said she was OK with that, but I knew she wasn't the happiest about, but we made it work by seeing each other a lot at school and after school.

Then, over Christmas break, I was busy but still made time to see her 4 times over break, which was hard to do, but I was willing to do it for her. (we both attend private school, she boards at the school, I do not, she went home for Christmas which is and hour and a half away, making it hard to see her) and then this is when she began talking about how next year, she'd love it if I went to see her family over break next year and that I should go to college with her when I finish high school (she is 18 and a senior, I am 17 and a junior, both attending a very hard and stressful private school.). Things seemed to be going great.
Then two days after Christmas, we somehow got into talking about her past. I knew some of the things involving her past, but not completely. She said how her ex, whom she dated for about 7 or 8 months, and her loved each other, but one day broke up with her over text, called her a ***** and she was devastated. She said she was used and manipulated and at times said she wasn't happy, wanted to break up with him, but he kept pulling her back.

After we had this talk, which was about two hours long, she texted me saying how she thought I no longer loved her because of the mistakes she had made (getting in trouble for bad reasons pertaining to boys). I told her I still loved her but she didn't seem to change. After that, her texts used to be sweet and loving and kind, but then turned bland and boring and didn't show much love or compassion toward me, which made me upset. Then once we got back from break, I told her what was up, and asked her why she seemed to have changed and she said her past was haunting her. She was very depressed and upset and she said there was nothing I could do to help. Then the other day, she asked if we could hang out this weekend. I didn't want to hang out with her until she felt better because she just wasn't talking to me at school because she was so upset, and I didn't know completely why, so I said no. This is when she went off on me saying that she felt like we were more like friends and that she feels like this year was going to be the same where as I won't be able to see her on the weekends and said I didn't care enough about her. I told her I would be able to from now on because my grades are up, I was finding it easier to handle the school work, so I promised her things would change from last year.

She didn't believe I could change because she claims that she's never seen a boy change. So we we're both unhappy with our relationship so she proposed we take a break. I agreed, but and hour later said that she already missed me and she felt like she had lost me. I told her she didn't, so we scratched that idea. Then she continued to feel bad for two days, never really talking to me face to face, and then one day told me she thinks she needs a break because she feels like, once again, I don't care enough to see her and that this relationship is more like friends with benefits. I said again that I could change, but she didn't listen to me.

We decided to take a break for 3 weeks, then contact each other to see how we are feeling and if we miss one another. Its been 2 days now, and I'm realizing that she is a handful. She says this isn't my fault, but I feel like it is. I feel guilty and people say I should dump her cause I am a nice guy and she is extremely emotionally clingy. She said she still really liked me, but wasn't sure if she still loved me. I don't know how to feel and I don't know if this will work out.

My mom says she is emotional unstable and so do others, but I think she's a great person deep down. I want her to fix these problems or else I don't know if I can continue being with her. I have given her so much love and compassion, but it just isn't good enough for her. I know there are other girls who would love what I have to give.

Should I try to make it work. Should I leave her?

[ifeelya]

My opinion is too give yourself some space from her. Once out of a relationship (exes) someone should never look back.That's why they call them exes, because the person is no longer with them, or have anything to do with their life anymore.
You are both so young and have a lot to learn yet. You sound like a nice boy that really cares for her. Don't make her past become your "now". If you two are dating than you should remind her of that. Tell her that it's either "you" or the "ghosts of boyfriends past".
You are too young to have such stress. So many girls will come in and out of your life. Your just beginning the journey on relationship road. I know you are feeling confused, but I think you should give yourself some space from this very emotionally girl. She seems to know that she can reel you in and out when she feels she needs you.
Well what about "your" needs and feelings? Think about yourself first.
If you know that there are other girls out there that will be happy to be with you and will respect you, then I say go chat to those other girls. Good luck!

[johnson22]

Thanks ifeelya, that really helped. I think your right, its too much and I feel like she's using me emotionally. Thanks for helping me see it clearer.

[talaniman]

You tried it didn't work, so keep the good memories but move on. There is no shame in a failed relationship. There will be many, but you can't change a person, or fix them, and sometimes it just doesn't click right.

Have no shame or guilt. Do let all that go. Takes some time but you will get through this, and be better for it.

[johnson22]

So I was dating this girl for about 4 months and we loved each other. She told me I was the perfect guy and everything and I felt the same way. In January, we got into a fight because she felt like I didn't see her enough. I told her that before I couldn't see her because of work but that the new year would be different because I would be free on the weekends and would finish work (schoolwork) during the week. She didn't believe be so she dumped me, so than I told her I didn't want her anymore, and then an hour after fighting, she told me she did want me, but that it was too late.

So then, two days later,she kept telling me how bad she felt about the way it ended and how she still cared about me but was crushed that I didn't want the same, so we talked about the fight and decided to take a break from the relationship and just be friends for the time being. I agreed, but my parents did not. They refused to let us be together and told me she was trash and that I needed to find someone different and told me how she was manipulating me.

I was extremely confused, I told her this and she said my parents were tricking me. I told her how I hadn't been happy and was unhappy with the relationship for the past 2 weeks with the way she was acting and she said that I was tricking myself to believe that. I told her how she always made me feel bad and she said it was my parents making me believe that and so then she said she didn't want me. She said how I won't grow if I'm controlled like that. Then I said id still like to be friends. She said she still cared about me and that we can't be friends right now.

That was a week ago and I can't stop thinking about her. I feel like an ******* because I told her I was unhappy and that I wasn't unsure if I really had feelings for her at that time. We haven't talked in a week and I feel like I want to clear things up because I have a few more things I want to say. We removed each other from Skype, Facebook, and I don't know if I'm still in her phone. I want to text her and ask her to get on skype so we can talk, but I'm afraid she'll just say no and I'll look like an idiot. I miss her a lot but I feel like she is over me and hates me because she wanted to fight my mom to stay together, but I knew it wouldn't work and she said I was just like like all the others.

Should I text her and be the first to break the silence between us?

[batgurl066]

Yes . And if she loves you enough she will text you back . Try to work things out

[talaniman]

Should I text her and be the first to break the silence between us?

I say NO, I think that through all this you leave her alone until your own emotional dust has settled, and you can think with a clear brain.

Right now you reason is clouded by feelings and fear, and hurt and pain.

Hang in there by leaving her alone a bit longer. Like a month!

[johnson22]

So I dated this girl for about 5 months and she told me how I was funny, smart, respectful, sexy, sensitive,caring and fun to be around, and said I was perfect and the best thing out there. She had been in love with a guy before for about 7 or 8 months until he broke up with and she was devastated. She is my first love and she was everything I wanted in a girl. Cute, funny, goofy, and fun.

The first 4 months were great, even though I didn't get to see her much because my grades aren't the best and my parents didn't really like her that much because she had a lot of sex with her ex boyfriend and made out with a guy at the dance a month before we started dating. I was fine with that because I loved who she was as a person.

Then about a month ago, we got in a fight about how she felt I didn't see her enough and that I didn't care enough to make time with her. So we decided to take a break. Apparently I was supposed to win her back during that break, which was weird and I tried to by telling her over and over that I would see her more and she said that wasn't good enough. I said she was wrong and that I could change, but she didn't believe I could, so she broke up with me. I said fine and then she said she wanted me back. I didn't really want her back, but I felt like I still had feelings for her so I said we could try.

But the problem was when my parents said they wouldn't allow it. I got really upset with them and they told me how she was manipulating me. I didn't believe them because I felt blinded by her love. I feel like they were right. I felt like after she broke up with me, I lost feelings for her and I felt like I was tricking myself into believing I still did. She thought that was stupid and that my parents were tricking me and that I was just like all the other guys, which made me feel like **** because she said I gave up.

I said I'd still like to be friends, and she said she didn't think so, at least not at the moment and she said she still cared about me. I have these random times where I feel happy it's over and I'm better off without her, and then there are times that I miss her and I feel like and ******* and sometimes even feel like I still have feelings for her.

Do I? Or am I just lonely? Should I try to get back together and fight my parents? Does she miss me? Sorry, I have a lot of questions.

[talaniman]

Stick with leaving her completely alone, as this is really a test of how well, and maturely you deal with your own feelings. If you let them lead you down a path your common good sense says may not be wise, then you suffer more, as well as fail this test of life.

Takes a while to get over that first love, and even longer to be ready for the second one, but it will happen, but its probably hard right now, because all break ups suck. But they do clear a path for better things.

Your threads were merged to have the full story in one place, so feel free to ask ANY question you have here, without explaining the whole saga again.

Hope this helps.