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frankiebassey · Dec 29, 2011, 04:01 PM

After 2 years of accusations and 99% surity that my girlfriend has been cheating it now turns out that she has been remotely monitoring my PC. I have heard from her that she does not lie/ lie about such things and that lying isn't important to her... when I bring these things up about lying she says I have taken her words out of context..

After a 6 month break we recently got back together and were planning for a family to move in together etc only the lies and apparent cheating have surfaced again with her even saying she wants to have a full time serious relationship but can only see me 1 evening per week.

Since this I have had a drink/drug induced 1 night stand which I admitted immediately; she went absolutely ballistic, belittling me calling me all the names under the sun and saying she never wants to see me anymore. Since this point I have had my PC hacked into which can only be her.

I love her with all my heart what I did was stupid and more as a result of the constant control/ insecurities she has, from word go she said she knew she has a mental problem/ issue and was going to do something about it which she has promised a few times and never delivered I have tried to call/text, email, no reply and or answer.

Should I put this episode behind me which is so hard as I really do love and care about this person but my daily routine now is wondering if the whole thing was just a lie?

monsterniki · Dec 29, 2011, 04:52 PM

I think you where her go to guy when things weren't going the way it was for her... she is a runner can't respect the relationship enough to try but instantly gives up what do I say? I say let her go you deserve someone who won't lie and understands and accepts your past as your past

Fr_Chuck · Dec 29, 2011, 05:29 PM

Please don't excuse drinking for cheating, you cheat because you made a choice to. So you have little to be upset with her about, so because you told her the next day, she is just suppose to forgive you too?

It sounds like there is no trust left, you need just to move on.

talaniman · Dec 29, 2011, 06:18 PM

Absolutely move on, and do what it takes to secure your computer.

Frankly, I stopped at having a serious relationship 1 day a week.

Two years is enough, more than enough to be with someone that you don't trust, nor she trust YOU!

frankiebassey · Dec 30, 2011, 12:35 AM

Thank you for your answer but I fail to understand how someone would come back to me saying she wants to live with me have a family with me open a joint account if all the while she is inanother relationship? She came back and said that "if I takes doing a lie detector test to prove she is not a cheat she would" of course she never did... do you think like I'm neginning to think that she has/is mentally unstable?

talaniman · Dec 30, 2011, 11:21 AM

Or she thinks you are dumb enough to swallow her crap commit your money for a 1 day a week relationship.

Heck guy, a joint account would be pretty dumb for any relationship. EXCEPT MARRIAGE.

You never co mingle finances with a girl friend, especially one you don't trust, and have a 99% surety that she did cheat. I wouldn't be with any female I had a sliver of a doubt about.

She may be one who says whatever it takes to convince you to give her what she wants.

odinn7 · Dec 30, 2011, 11:53 AM

You are just asking for trouble if you continue this relationship. Neither of you trusts the other and there seems to be a good reason for it.

frankiebassey · Dec 30, 2011, 01:41 PM

guys call me old fashioned but I thought if after 2 years you plan for a future together I thought this girl really loved me we went on holidays together have done so much together have I been a complete fool? If someone tells me they love me want to be with me on a suerious note I am the kind of pw for sure that takes people at face value especially someone I have been with for so many years... a joint account would always have the premise of money can't be withdrawn without the others authoritiy... with regards to the trust issue I am more angry with myself for allowing myself to be brought down to her apparent level by doing what she has repeatedly done to me... two wrongs don't make a right but what I will never ever undertand is her motives for recently I gave a brand new ey fob to down load pictures from my PC out of the goodness of my heart I asked her when she had done to put pictures of a recent tri we took to Rome - when I got the key fob back it had an embedded winrar file (virus) on it? This was given back to me on hour before she took me to her bed? As previous I know two wrongs don't make a rigght but how do you monitor someone's PC given them viruses and at the same time tell that person (me) that you love them want to have babies etc - this is really twisting my mind

talaniman · Dec 30, 2011, 05:22 PM

Either she is indeed crazy, or evil, or BOTH! Either way, get yourself gone.

If you insist on taking people at face value, do it from a safe distance, and run like hell when you are wrong.

mmresd · Dec 30, 2011, 06:34 PM

At this day and age, anyone could have hacked your computer...

The main problem I see here is your insecurity and your assumptions. Nothing has ever been proven, you THINK she has cheated on you, you THINK she has hacked your computer. Is ridiculous.

Now, you have cheated. Yeah forget about this girl and move on... work on your internal problem before you try to be happy with someone else.

frankiebassey · Dec 30, 2011, 09:06 PM

Is it ridiculous to believe the person you are in love with when they say to you that they can't be without you in the life and can't imagine their life without you? To trust someone close to you to with passwords one a PC only for them to have been monitoring your PC that is proven as she has read email messages to me from work and friends for which she did NOT have passwords for? All I do is shed tears wondering have I really been played for a fool all of this time... I was brought up to believe people are decent and therefore to trust and take on board what people tell you, if I am naïve that is they way I am but this whole thing just buried me in me
You tell me how do you get over an episode like this??

And the worst of it is I STILL LOVE HER!!

frankiebassey · Jan 1, 2012, 04:28 PM

mmresd - is it ridiculous to assume your partner has cheated when she says and I quote " You should have told me not to lie and cheat" or " if i get pregnant you won't believe its mine, but there is always a paternity test"?? Being the expert you tell me what you would think?? This is the same person that has also said over the last 2 years "I dont lie, I dont lie about such things, Lying isnt important to me"??

Now when I look back at everything I think how could I have been so stupid and there possibly is never a truer saying as love is blind... the worst thing of all from my point of view right now is that I still love her deeply..!