[ted2425]

Just thought I'd let everyone know this is my first post... I apologize for the essay but feel as though a long background is needed.

Background: About four years ago when I was a freshmen in high school I met my first real girlfriend through a friend of mine. She lived several towns over from me and we did not go to school together, and for the first month we got to know each other over the phone until we finally decided to hang out. After our first date we dated for nearly a year and a half, until I finally broke up with her during my Junior year of high school during winter break. The reasons I broke up with her were in hindsight, stupid. I had said we were too physical and that I just didn't feel for her the way I once did.

At first, I regretted it but assumed these feelings just came with ending a relationship. It came at a time when my life was not going well... Shortly before I broke up with her my parents broke up with each other and I quit a job I hated. Looking back I feel as though I had so much on my plate at once that I threw everything off at once in hopes of becoming happy.

In the following months we continued seeing each other, and almost every time would end with us making out and falling just short of sex. I still have a very vivid memory of her "accidentally" saying she loved me and immediately taking it back. The reason she said this is because all in all, we still acted like we were dating. After about two months of this, she decided to stop it since she did not think it was helping us move on (which I agreed). So we stopped talking for a couple months until the following summer.

That summer when we finally did see each other it was rather awkward... I still wanted to be her friend, but maybe out of fear of attachment or disappointment with me, she tried to avoid me thereafter only talking to me occasionally via e-mail. After about two weeks of this, I wrote her a very long e-mail about how I was sorry for how I had treated her and that I truly still wanted to be friends. We began talking slightly more but it all ended with a pointless and heated debate with which we became extremely frustrated with each other and ended contact.

About a year went by and she sent me a link to Third Eye Blind - How's it going to be, with a comment to the effect of "****, I can't believe it happened". (The song is about a couple not talking to each other anymore and wondering how life is going to be without each other). During our time of no talk, I had tried to forget about her, but continued to convince myself that I should move on and forget about her. This e-mail pushed a lot of these feelings to the surface, but I managed to suppress them and move on. I chose not e-mail her back.

Another year goes by and she sends me an e-mail saying we should catch up with each other (this is freshmen year of college, which was last year). By this point, I have a girlfriend and turn her down until the following summer. We met and after an hour of me not knowing what to say and basically playing 50 questions with her, we go our separate ways. Afterwards, we stop talking to each other until now, which is my sophomore year of college.

Ever since we broke up I have always had times where I thought of her and wondered how she was doing, got jealous when I found out she was dating someone else, and at many points in times wish we were still dating and I hadn't broken up with her.

At current times, I have a girlfriend at and feel as though we do not have much in common and that it is more of a companionship than an in love feeling. My ex has a boyfriend now, but I know nothing about how long they have been dating or how they feel towards one another.

I finally contacted her this winter break and asked her to hang out. She agreed, and we plan on meeting next week... And so I have the question of what do I say to her? I know people change over time, but how do I express my desire to figure out if there is still anything between us and how should I let her know I regret breaking up with her?

[talaniman]

After all the failed times at getting something going you still are trying huh? Well, this time she has a boyfriend, so chat have coffee and go from there, but I have to say, expecting more than you have gotten in the past is not wise, and maybe you look at this as a return to a happier time after this past failed relationship?

I mean do you really think this is unfinished business between you? Or just missed opportunities at sex? For sure you seem to always look back with regret over past blown opportunities instead of moving forward in a healthy way.

Do you really think she will drop her life and let you in her world? Or is this the way you think you can heal the hole in your soul? She has a boyfriend now, respect that.

Doesn't seem you have moved beyond high school in any of your relationships, so maybe you learn to let the past go after this friendly catch up meeting. The fact that you don't know what to say is a sure fire indication you don't know what you want.

What do you want from this high school flame, that has a guy? Hmm and you have someone too!!!!!

What's up with you, really?? Call this what you will but this is the lowest form of cheating, and an obvious effort to feather a new nest before you leave the old one.

[vanheart]

Stop thinking about her.

Don't waste another 3 years.

[joypulv]

You are still very young, and being young means changing constantly. Few relationships last at your age. You seem to be fickle too, and sort of lacking in something, not sure what:
'By this point, I have a girlfriend and turn her down until the following summer.'
How can you say you 'miss my ex after 3 years' with any real feeling? You make her sound like an old pair of shoes at the back of the closet. If she really means more to you than the ones you were involved with while you 'turned her down,' you have a lot of proving to do.