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buddy82 · Dec 6, 2011, 08:05 AM

Hi my partner of 3.5years lied to me about the weekend. He went out on Saturday night with his friends, and on Sudnay night we had the police at our door. He apparently went back to this girls house who has been harassing him for ages to sort things out- she locked him into her house and he had to break the window to get out. She is now filling for criminal damages. When I ask him why on earth was he in the house and why did he lie to me about where his cuts came from he said he couldn't tell me as he knew it would upset me! I think he may have cheated should I believe his story?

Kahani Punjab · Dec 6, 2011, 08:07 AM

Buddy (born in) 1982,

Welcome to this beautiful site, first!

About 'such' incidents, which are common, and the 'excuse' which is also too common, I would advise you not to go by what he says, as it is often suggested to conceal the hard and bitter facts, as it might disturb the relations, even as knowing it later, that you had hidden, causes worse problems, still one usually hopes, it would not happen, as it is often said to be ready for the worst, but hope for the best. Do not discard him, just because he lied to you. Your fears may, yeah may be, correct, but he may also be correct, in the following ways -

1. May be the police has wrong information about him, or someone might have lodged false complaint against him bearing some grudge against him.

2. He might be the victim (not the accused, as you or the police believe) of some conspiracy.

3. May be he had to take shelter there as he might have no way no other option.

Fr_Chuck · Dec 6, 2011, 08:19 AM

Was drinking involved ? Why would he go to someone's house who was harassing him? That just gives them a better chance to continue, and no talking normally does not solve this, normally ignoring them does.

And I am sorry, she locked him in the house ? No back door, they all had dead bolts with inside keys in them.
Are you sure he did not go over and break the window from the outside perhaps ? I would be interested in seeing the actual police report.

He sounds very immature doing this, are there other issues also?

buddy82 · Dec 6, 2011, 08:24 AM

Thank you for your reply- I was with him when he gave his statement he said that the feud had been going on for a while and he wanted to get it sorted out so he went back to her house so that there wouldn't be a scene in the pub. He then said she was not listening and being irrational and he had to get out but she had the doors locked so he had to put his had through the glass to get out. The police said he was being held without consent and he has filled his case too. He said to me that he fell and that's why he had cuts on his hand- When I heard what had happened I am really upset.I don't think he cheated but he does always seem to get himself into these situations that cause me to doubt our relationship, even the fact that he left the pub with her adds suspicion to me.

buddy82 · Dec 6, 2011, 08:28 AM

Yea there was drink involved- he said looking back on it he really shouldn't have went back. He is very immature for a 28year old. I just feel sick but he assurres me nothing happened or ever happened between them.

Kahani Punjab · Dec 6, 2011, 08:36 AM

Buddy 82,

It is good that you are pondering over the issue from many aspects, and I shall neither blame nor exonerate him, until everything is clear to us, in black and white. Drinking, instigation, grudge and immaturity are the causes which often make us doubt someone's intentions.

Your decision to continue the relationship with him (or not) should depend upon his intention, and your main target should be to find or pinpoint that.

Again, good luck!

buddy82 · Dec 6, 2011, 08:49 AM

Thank you again for your reply:

We live together and I really do love him but I just find it hard to trust him when he is out drinking-he has his own isues from being adopted and I just think he does stupid things when he is drunk.I have been cheated on in the past and think I am just a walk over! I just want to be happy in my relationship as I'm nearly 30 I am afriad to let this relatiohsip carry on and it end in tears when I'm too old. He has promised he never did anything- when we are good we are really good. Ah I would love a mature responsible partner with no issues!