[amazing]

Hi, I am new to the site.

This is a hard one and have no one I can really confide in or talk to about this but need some answers.

I have known my landlord for two years now and I have had a strange relationship with him in that time. He is quite a funny chap who is hard to communicate with or understand much of the time and rarely fixes things when they are broken etc. However, he has a lot of charm and fascinating persona I find myself trying hard to make sense of him most of the time.

The story:

One day he was fixing a tenant's wardrobe and I was helping him which I could feel him looking at me with appreciation. After I had done the job, he went to leave to go to his van parked outside in the drive but stopped and stared right into my face for what seemed like many minutes. It was quite intense and as if he had feelings for me I didn't even know about but did not respond to this as he is married. A few months later, he came to do some work on the house and he began to look at me through the window with his builder friends and he was beaming and looking at me very intensely. He was trying to get them interested too.

He has shown an interest in me on many occasions I have known him and whenever he has come to the house, he acts very differently towards me than the other tenant's and as if he is really quite keen on me. I have caught him discussing me with his friends too and I know that his behavior is inappropriate, but he has managed to captivate me and my attention if this is what he has wanted? It's as if I feel him watching me even when he isn't here and have caught him spying and following me before when I was on the way home. He knows that I fancy him by now because he is very good-looking and so tall
and looks like George Clooney without any exaggeration.

He also knows that I am smart and have two degree's and am emotionally intelligent. I am also very attractive too but have a hard time showing this and have a tiny bit of weight on me to disguise the fact that I don't really like myself all that much but am so good looking that weight does not distract from this. He clearly sees in me someone who is the whole package but because he is married, may just want his fun to flirt with me? I have also seen him flirt with other women too who are lodgers, but he is far more engaging of me and stands and gorps at me what seems like hours. He also takes my feelings more seriously too and has sided with me before. His body language tells me he really likes me and he shakes and goes red in my presence and acts all nerved up and strange.

This has gone on for some time over the time I have known him but have now come to like him more than I could wish for. I am strongly perceptive/intuitive too and feel that he is thinking about me from a distance and the emotions I have running around inside of me are incredible. I don't believe that this is infatuation because I have been there before many times and have been rejected before and am quite a reserved person as a result. It is unclear if he was genuine or sincere about his actions but the strength of his attraction towards me is felt quite strongly. However, He suddenly cooled right down a few months ago and disappeared for some time and possibly because I have done nothing to encourage anything?

I have strong moral values and am not the type to have an affair with a married man and this is the first guy I have ever liked who is married and I am 33. It seems so weird that I can sense him thinking about me and dreaming about me and sometimes he is violent or nasty in my dreams and other times, intensely passionate with me. I reject thoughts of him every time they appear and yet, they come back twice as strong and it's as if he has some control over my mind! I distrust the man and have no reason to fantasize about him despite my desire to be with him - it is just a crush I guess, but then why does it feel like he is lusting after me and wakes me up in my sleep and/or that he is sending out strong signals that he wants me?

The way he has behaved with me would validate these sensory perceptions or whatever they could be that just appear out of nowhere and disarm me. I struggle against these projections I know he must be sending them out to me because I am not even thinking about him when they do happen or my ears ringing just before he calls or comes to the house. How can this be explained? - I don't go for the notion that this is me lusting after him because even though I have come to feel something quite strongly for him, I do not spend my time yearning for what I can't have if he is married. It hurts too much to do this and know from past experiences that it achieves nothing. He really is thinking about me and can feel him doing so but why would he if he isn't doing anything to come after me?

He once wanted me to move near to where he lived but I refused to and he has done enough for me to get his interest. Is he just a cruel man for luring me in this way or does he really feel anything at all? He cannot love his wife if he is doing these things to her and that I feel very bad for, but do what he is if he has no intention of doing anything but invade my psyche unconscious self just for the sake of it? I do believe that others can send messages and signals out to us and because they just occur without any intervention from me. I don't know if I am meant to like someone like this either but haven't done anything wrong. He likes me and I do like him back but am unclear of where to take this if it is something this meaningful? I would only ever be with him if he left his wife but I get the hunch that she is emotionally keeping him tied to an unhappy marriage?

What is this if it is not me making these feelings happen? Please help me. I am not insane or delusional and really can feel his thoughts doing some work on me.

[talaniman]

Did you really have to write us a book? He is married and that's all we need to know so if you know he is interested don't lead him on and stay away from him except to do landlord/tenant business. Whether he loves his wife is not your business, and if your as smart and talented as you say, get your own man. He is out of bounds. You can have feelings of attraction all you want, we all do, but they are called fantasies and we keep them to ourselves and don't act on them. You did say you have strong moral values, then I hope you use them.

[valinors_sorrow]

DITTO
DITTO
DITTO everything Tal said with only this to add.

Forgive me but his thoughts only "do the work" you want or let them to... unless you are a child, mentally ill or incapacitated by some other means like retardation -- in which case you ought not be out on your own to begin with. I mean that sincerely, not sarcastically.

Being telepathic, intuitive or sensitive doesn't mean you are some helpless victim (good or bad) of other people's thoughts. I would guess you are projecting more than actually receiving. Projection is attributing the source incorrectly and its very important for highly intuitive people to work at separating their own wishful thinking (both good and bad) from reality so that we don't artificually amplify things in our own minds.

[Bluerose]

I'm sorry but you need to come back to the real world. You are fantasising too much about this man. Half of what you say he is doing is probably just in your imagination. Get out and get some friends who can help you put this situation back into perspective. You may be smart but you are not behaving in a smart way. Back off. I think you have given him the wrong impression and you should be careful.

[amazing]

I am not after a married man or did you not read my question properly? I am an exceptionally moral person and have NEVER NEVER had an affair nor am I about to, and this is not really what I am saying at all. What I am saying is that he pursued me in obvious and less obvious ways and it is he who is thus responsible for what he does. I have kept my relationship with him professional, but because of his behavior which you automatically accuse me of doing things I haven't, awakens me to something he is trying to clearly communicate something with me.

HOW DOES THIS BECOME MY FAULT?

I do like him and because he has shown a very strong interest and although I am not a woman to steal a man, (I am catholic in my morals and could be a nun the way I live) I am curious to know why I am experiencing thoughts he is sending me that I am clearly schitzophrenic? And if you are a talisman, your job is not to morally impose your judgements upon innocent people who have done good all of their lives and in fact, have been abused all throughout my life by men and used to fear them so much and so this is a positive experience in that I can now at last see the potential of a man I could possibly come to love even though he is not available.

I am not one of your typical mistress women - I am 100% good catholic woman. I am hurt and angry and offended by your lack of maturity and instant judgement. I do not know or understand what this man is about and being my landlord does not give him the right to abuse that position of trust (I am not the one breaking that because I have thoughts) - It is what you do that counts and I haven't done anything to warrant your horrid inexperienced accusations. To slate someone's intelligence just because they recognize the attractiveness of someone else, is so hideous. We may all shoot ourselves because we are not allowed to have attraction for anyone.

You cannot tell yourself to be only attracted to the available only - that does not happen for most people even when they do look for a partner and love is something that usually finds you I have come to believe as I have gotten older. Understandably, I cannot be with this man but he is my equal as a person regardless of what he does for a living. If he has come to make himself my business then why am I the one to take the wrap for that? All I have done is carry on with my life, but he has come along and tried to intervene by trying to get his friends keen on me too and various other stuff I haven't even talked about. Am I slut for what a man chooses to do whether he is married or not?

I was hoping for an intelligent answer but clearly you are all incapable of knowing what you are doing on here and it is dangerous to give advice unless you are experienced in doing so. I felt very hurt by the responses and all I was really asking in a long round about way, is can we transfer our thoughts? You have to give detail otherwise people cannot judge nor answer your questions adequately. Why you on here if you are giving advice?

[valinors_sorrow]

I am so sorry some huge misunderstanding has occurred here. Talaniman is not a talisman, by the way and he has a long track record here of offering substantial help to other. All of us are here to only help.

I think you would be better off to run all this by a real psychiatric professional - please seek one out soon. I believe you will find the help there that you need. I have done likewise myself and it was very helpful in situations like this. Good luck.

PS - If our answers continue to upset you, you can ask one of the moderators to remove this entire thread and they will.

[amazing]

I am a qualified psychologist thank you very much but have a deep interest in the way the psyche works! - You clearly have some anger issues to be throwing nasty comments around like that and especially given that you are the one who needs to seek professional help who can't handle or deal with complex emotions like I can.

I've spent my life helping others no disrespect to Talisman (he accused me of things I hadn't even done) and know more about human behavior than anyone on this site can possibly give, but like everyone else, I do not have all of the answers either but can give far better answers to people than what I have seen so far.

You are a dangerous source of advice to anyone on here.You are also clearly a bully too by the way your answers are very sarcastic and it would be better if you were to do everyone a favor and report your own comments to the administrator and I am sure they will be quite interested to find out how you treat new members.

[Nosnosna]

Here's what's going on:

He wants you. Most likely in a purely physical way... very few men get into affairs for anything beyond the booty call and the power trip of getting another woman in their bed. That's all it is. You're not telling him to <expletive> off, so he's going to keep doing it.

[amazing]

I often do practice tests on sites like these to see what sort of advice people are giving out and you have clearly failed the test miserably!

[talaniman]

So this was a test to see what we are about?? It think you have a good idea so I deleted my comments thanks!

[Nosnosna]

I hate to throw gas on a fire here...

I wish I could be a condescending jerk about my profession :(

[talaniman]

Well you can't win them all and I have already moved on but deception? Not good, not good at all. And just so you know if I get out of hand all are welcome to check me.

[valinors_sorrow]

Lady, only you can do something about how disproportionately angry you are. Its called projection. And only the really crazy rant and rail against people they are powerless over. Spew all you like, it changes nothing here and coincidentally nothing in your own life. Funny how that works. Do you really want help or do you just want to debate who's fault it is as long as it isn't yours? Please - get some real help for yourself. Even a counselor needs a counselor sometimes (all the best ones know that) if you even are one yourself. This is a waste of time unless you just wanted some attention and like a sad, overly punished dog, even bad attention will do-- ugh! Quietly unsubscribes to this thread.

[phillysteakandcheese]

I am a qualified psychologist thank you very much ... and know more about human behavior than anyone on this site can possibly give, but ... can give far better answers to people than what I have seen so far... I often do practice tests on sites like these to see what sort of advice people are giving out and you have clearly failed the test miserably!

Based on what you've posted here, I don't believe you are a psychologist, and I don't believe you are "conducting a test".

This thread is not much more than 12 hours old. There has only a handful of people responding to it. There are only a handful of posts. Jumping to a conclusion about "what sort of advice people are giving" based on this interaction in this thread would be wildly inaccurate.

If you wanted to "judge answers", you would look at past questions and gauge the responses over several questions and subjects... At which point you would see varied answers and lots of opinions to stimulate thought or actions - Some of it very good, some of it not quite so good.

I think you got mad, and wanted to make yourself feel superior. You went into this story of being a "qualified psychologist" to create proof that you are "right".