[arlind94]

I've been dating this girl for a year now and I haven't told my mom until two weeks ago. I felt it was wrong to hide the fact that I have a girlfriend and that I should be honest because it's for the best. Now I feel like I've done the wrong thing. My girlfriend is chinese and I'm white. We are both 17. Ever since I've told my mother about it, she's been going crazy. She finds a love letter from my girlfriend and tries to find ways to use it against me. She lost money about 2 years ago and is blaming my girlfriend for it... when I didn't even know her. She is threatening to not pay for my college and to take everything I have away. She calls my girlfriend a ***** and just curses her out... without even knowing her. She racist against it. She's basically threatening me with my life, just because I have a girlfriend. I love my girlfriend and do not want to stop seeing her. I'm not doing anything wrong by it... My dad has no say other than to follow exactly what she says. And I feel like it's so unfair. I don't feel safe to even be at home anymore.

Can someone help me? What can I do.

And I've tried talking, it just doesn't work.

And I can't say I broke up with her because my mother is the type of person to send people to look for me and see what I do. It's as if I'm 5.

[ladyquest101]

My mother use to pull the same type of things with me, Chances are your mother will look at it your way if you talk to her more as a friend about it then your parent. Tell her exactly how you feel. Don't worry about what she's thinking be cheesy and soppy about it. And maybe Why you think she's wrong in nice way lol. She's prob wondering why you didn't tell her right away

[StephAnderson]

Wow.. just.. wow. It's hard to grasp that people are like that in 2011. I'm sorry for your predicament, it's horrible.
Unfortunately, if there really is no talking to your mother - then finding a compromise doesn't seem to be an option. Is there a third party, who is a little more reasonable, who your mother will listen to? Another family member? A family friend?
If not,
- You may have to move out and accept that you have to pay for college yourself and continue your relationship.
- Or hide the relationship extremely well.
- Or take a break from the relationship until college and go to a college far away from your mother, where you and your girlfriend can continue the relationship with less chance of being found out.
- The least favourable option... End the relationship. This is not an option I am keen on, because why should you break up with someone because your mother is a racist?



Sorry I couldn't give a clear answer, but this isn't an easy situation to attack, even as an unbiased outsider.

Steph

[tickle]

If you are the only child, I can see a mild reaction to you having a g/f at l7, but not to the extent that you are experiencing. You rmom sounds like a real wacko. Could she be a closet alcoholic? But then I am thinking she is bipolar.

What kind of fund or bank account is your college money in?

I suggest you talk to a school counsellor about this, is the only thing I can suggest as a starting point and although you may feel unloyal, she is being unloyal to you, threatening what you have described, don't feel that way and get it out in the open with someone closer to home. Do you have a clergyman from your church you can discuss this with?

I really don't think the issue is you have a g/f; she may feel she is losing your affection as a son, and you may try to re-inforce your love for your mom.

Tick

[talaniman]

Don't argue with mom, since you depend on her for your education, but be discreet, and stay under the radar and DO talk to your girlfriend so she knows what the deal is and she can help you keep this between you.

If you act like you are 5 she will treat you that way, and short of standing up to her, and taking a chance she cuts you off, great discretion is advised.