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tamonze · Oct 12, 2011, 02:03 AM

I had been with my partner for 12 yrs. We have a son who's 9, but separated 7 months ago. We had remained close friends until he met someone else. After 7 months apart, I finally accepted there's no future for us so then met someone else.

Now he has decided (after he logged into my Facebook page and found messages between me and a new guy) that he wants me back. He has threatened the guy and has gone off his rocker!

Does he want me now because someone else wants me, or is he genuine? He hasn't been himself since we split (everyone says that), but we've been through so many arguments, etc. that I finally just let him go.

Any advice?

t2oussaint · Oct 13, 2011, 08:03 AM

Part of it is probably because he saw you were talking to another guy but he also was probably going to get around to it wanting you back but when he saw the message he knew he had to think fast or he would really lose you... I would say its 50/50 you guys were together for 12 years and have a kid together so I would think he is serious if he wouldn't have saw those messages it might have took him longer to tell me and try but I think he does want to get back for a genuine reason 12 years is a long time for a relationship all those feelings ups and downs together I would say give him another chance but keep your guards up because I'm sure after awhile you well see if it was just because you tried to move on or not.

kcomissiong · Oct 13, 2011, 02:01 PM

If you have truly accepted that there is no future in your relationship and moved on, then it shouldn't really matter what he thinks about it or you. Block him, change ALL of your passwords and move on with life. The kind of man that didn't want you when he had you, didn't want you when he had someone else, and only cares because you are happy without him is simply selfish, possessive, and jealous. Don't feed into his behavior.

The reasons you broke up haven't changed. You need to cut him off once and for all, and give yourself a chance to properly heal, and to have a life without him. Be in contact as much as you have to for your child, but make sure you don't keep showing him that its OK to stay in an unhealthy relationship.

talaniman · Oct 14, 2011, 11:20 AM

More than likely he is trying to ruin any chance of you being happy without him.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...er-570756.html

I don't think either of you has healed enough, and have yet to be able to resolve the issues that broke you up, so what's the point?

tamonze · Oct 15, 2011, 04:58 AM

So I laid my feelings bare, and now he's confused about what he wants?? He needs time to make sure he's 100% about us. I mean, what!

talaniman · Oct 15, 2011, 07:17 AM

Its pretty clear all he wants to do is confuse and distract you with his BS, to keep you available. That you fall for this crap is a warning that you may have thought you had moved on, but have not.

He isn't ready to let go, and obviously, neither are you, or you would have told him to leave you alone and mind his own business. He is taking advantage of you being wishy washy, and still willing to try again, while he is bidding his time until all the gains, small though they are, are completely disrupted, and you must start all over.

Don't be mad at him, because YOU are allowing him to do what he does, and get away with it.

kcomissiong · Oct 17, 2011, 05:55 AM

He isn't confused about what he wants. He has exactly what he wants, which is you on a leash, waiting for him,while he does whatever he wants with whomever he wants. You gave it to him when you decided to let him know that you feelings were unresolved and that you were still willing to let him have power over you. It will stop when you refuse to let him have whomever he wants physically while holding onto you emotionally. He will continue to treat you the way that you let him until you decide that its time to stop. If anything, this should make it abundantly clear that he did not want you back, but just wanted you to not be with another person and pursue happiness without him.

Fr_Chuck · Oct 17, 2011, 06:02 AM

He wants control of you, nothing more, If you had truly moved on, you would not care what he wants, and in fact be mad at him for trying to interfere and trying to threaten a new boyfriend.

You should make it clear with him that first he invaded your privacy by logging on to your face book ( how about changing all of your passwords to every account, every email)

If he really wanted you back, he would not have to think or wait or anything.

londog · Oct 17, 2011, 10:42 AM

I have been there and worn the t shirt. 3 years into a relationship it ended, 3 days later he found a new girlfriend, stayed with her for 10 months until she finally ended it, he was in contact with me all the time (I love you, but know you couldn't take me make now, my heart is with you my head is with her... and so on) I allowed him to do this by taking his calls and believing him, when all there was to believe was that he had a girlfriend and was keeping me in the background. Went back with him when his girlfriend ended it - was never the same, he didn't have any respect for me at all, after another 3 years it ended, I found someone else (big mistake and I ended it very quickly) he wanted me back, promised me everything than ran a mile, he is now with someone else just days again after we ended it. This time no contact. Some people want what they cannot have, when they have you they don't want you, it is childish and destructive - my advice to you is do what you know you have to do and respect yourself, if you do not, none else will. Remember there are plenty of lives takers out there that only think of themselves, you need someone like we all do, that think about us too. Good Luck x