[lnm33950]

I need some advice:
This past summer my ex-boyfriend lived with me for the summer and things were great. After we moved back to college for the fall, everything seemed to be going great for our last semesters. One day my ex-boyfriend broke up with me the day after our 3 year anniversary.

His ultimate factor in his decision is that he said that ?he wanted to make sure there was no one else out there ?and that he his feelings changed for me, and among other little things. He also said that it was our last semester for him to be able to have the opportunity for his decision.

He was supposed to propose to me on our anniversary, which I found out through my family and friends after the fact. We had talked about our future and what we were going to do (i.e. Baby names, where we were going to live, careers, etc) and he never was freaked out before. He also tells me that he has been talking to another girl for the past week (he says that she imitated contact with him).

After our break-up, one week later, he is now dating this new girl, who somewhat resembles me. How can a person fall out of love so quickly? Is he in a rebound relationship? Is there a chance I can still get him back?
Throughout our relationship, he always talked about how I was the perfect girlfriend and how he wanted to be with me forever. We hardly ever fought and we were each others bestfriends. We shared a common passion for law enforcement and many other things, which this new girl most likely doesn't?t share with him.

Finally, how/why could he tell his good friend ?welcome to my world when a good girl finally comes along seems to always be that crazy one that just won?t let go haha.

[Chocodrip07]

Nobody can fall out of love that quick. He has been thinking about this much earlier than you think. He is unworthy of you. I know that it will hurt but once the "mourning" period passes you will feel better. Try to do something to keep yourself occupied and take away things that remind you of him. And as time passes you will heal, good luck on finding someone who is worthy of you.

[Cat1864]

I know this isn't what you want to hear, but you need to let him go and heal. Even if you did get him back, the relationship will not be the same and you will both need to start over on building a new relationship.

If he is this easily distracted from being with you, then you are probably better off finding out now and not after marriage. However, I don't think this is a quick or spur of the moment decision. I think this has probably been going through his brain for awhile but he didn't have the internal fortitude to be open and honest with you or family and friends.

About all I can tell you is to live your life like he isn't coming back. Let him and the past three years go as a learning experience. Keep yourself busy with your own interests, family and friends. Do not contact him unless it has to do with separating any mutual business you might have together or returning belongings. Even then, have a third party return or receive items. It is better for you though it may not feel like it right now.

Don't allow his behavior to affect what you think of males in general. Part of healing is allowing the hurt and pain to dissipate so that you don't carry the baggage from this relationship/break-up into the next one whether it is with someone new or your ex. Another part of healing is learning to trust again-others and yourself.

The break-up is not about you but him and his needs and desires. Healing is about you and your needs. Take care of yourself. As much as you might want to get closure from him, remember that it comes from within yourself.

Above all do not take him back if he shows up saying how sorry he is and how mixed up he has been. He has shown you quite clearly what he thinks of the last three years or at least the last few months. If he can throw it all away for a fling, then he can work with you to build a new relationship from scratch. I don't think he will, but be prepared for when the novelty of his new toy wears off and don't allow yourself to be used like an old comfortable stuffed animal to be dragged out of the corner because he's bored again.

Good luck.

[talaniman]

After our break-up, one week later, he is now dating this new girl,

Once your emotions have settled down, you will be glad this lying cheater is out of your life, and I am sure you will realize you can do better.

You were right, his feelings just didn't change over night, he waited until he had a sure thing before he dumped you.

Sorry for your pain, not your loss.