[pplpeople8]

Hi,

My girlfriend of a year and a half decided about 3 weeks ago that she needed a "break."

Almost every night during the break she has texted me that she loves me and misses me. I have tried to remain little or no contact. We hung out twice recently and she wanted to cuddle and, like a dumbass, I gave in.

Also, the last time I saw her, as we were laying in bed, she asked me if I wanted to have sex. This question led me to asking her a dozen other questions about why should we ask me that. She basically said that she was fine with having sex if she knew I knew that didn't mean we were on the road to getting back together.

I am really trying to move on from and be happy with my life. I have been trying to not feel miserable every second of every day. I just do not understand why she is doing all of this. Sending texts like I love you, I miss you and then saying she wants to cuddle of have sex.

Is she regretting the breakup? Or is she just using me?

Any advice is much appreciated.

Thanks.

[ken007nielsen]

I would hardly call you a dumbass, it's very hard to let go off someone you've been in a relationship with that long.

I'm not sure why she's doing this to you, she properly still loves you and is having a hard time letting go, it's not as uncommon as one would think. However, you need to cut your ties with her, for multiple reasons. She IS using you - why? I'm not sure, but what I can say is that you are indeed getting used.

Nothing good will come out of this, you need to man up and accept the fact that she wants a break, you do not want breadcrumbs of what you used to have, you're a doormat for her convience, when she want's comfort and intimacy all she has to do is contact you. I'm guessing she's doing it so the change that she made doesent seem so scary since she has you to fall back on.

She's completely in control of the relationship without any resistance from you, no such relationship can last.

Also, while continuing to be with her, you will not be able to heal from this "break" so you cannot continue your life as you otherwise could without those memories holding you back.

[pplpeople8]

I appreciate the advice.. but your line here "Nothing good will come out of this, you need to man up and accept the fact that she wants a break, you do not want breadcrumbs of what you used to have, you're a doormat for her convience, when she want's comfort and intimacy all she has to do is contact you. I'm guessing she's doing it so the change that she made doesent seem so scary since she has you to fall back on." leads me to some questions...

I feel as if I have "manned up" to the situation. She is the one texting me, not me texting her. She got mad at me one night because I never replied I love you in return when she would send me those texts. I have been trying to move on but she won't let me. Mind you, I do still love her (and would take her back), but I know I have to move on. The last thing I want to be is a doormate. So you suggest I put my foot down? Since she wanted the break, I will say that she needs to stop texting me and leave me alone?

I do not disagree with you're logic but I feel as if I have not been holding on to her as much as you think I have been. She has been the one holding onto me, if anything. And this break was 100% her idea, I was 100% against it. So you suggest I further enforce the break that she suggested in order to show her I refuse to be used for her convienence?

[Jkalmus]

ken007nielsen is right she most likely is using you. And I doubt she regrets breaking up with you. Im guessing though she probably is using you until someone new comes along in her life. And yea answering you Q put your foot down and tell her that your not her boytoy and that she needs to learn to calm down. So if she is telling she loves you she is lying yeah she might LIKE you a lot but love I don't think so. So I'm sorry I'm being a little negative but hey who knows maybe she might come back.

[talaniman]

I would ignore her completely, and be unavailable for her BS!

That is what NO CONTACT whatsoever is about. Not having time for BS!

She is using you for her own selfish purpose until something better comes along and you are in the cold. She can't be a lying cheater since she dumped you and has no commitment whatsoever. You have allowed this so don't be mad at her, just disappear from her life. Who gives a freak if it pisses her off not to get what she wants?

[JoeCanada76]

Hi,

My girlfriend of a year and a half decided about 3 weeks ago that she needed a "break."

Almost every night during the break she has texted me that she loves me and misses me. I have tried to remain little or no contact. We hung out twice recently and she wanted to cuddle and, like a dumbass, I gave in.

Also, the last time I saw her, as we were laying in bed, she asked me if I wanted to have sex. This question led me to asking her a dozen other questions about why should we ask me that. She basically said that she was fine with having sex if she knew I knew that didn't mean we were on the road to getting back together.

I am really trying to move on from and be happy with my life. I have been trying to not feel miserable every second of every day. I just do not understand why she is doing all of this. Sending texts like I love you, I miss you and then saying she wants to cuddle of have sex.

Is she regretting the breakup? Or is she just using me?

Any advice is much appreciated.

Thanks.

Cut all ties. Of course she is just using you. So you need to be strong and make sure you do not play the sucker anymore. No more contact at all. End it for good. Do not let her play games with your head anymore. The balls to ask you for sex but does not mean you are on the road to get back together. Why do this to yourself.

[mmresd]

She is using you, she is in a transition period. Used to having sex, which she probably likes, but not willing to be committed. Go no contact and find someone that wants to be with you like you want them, not someone who is using you as her boy toy. Unless, all you want from her is sex, regardless this situation tends to finish with hurting someone really bad.

[Jake2008]

I agree with the others. She is using you, but I have a bigger question that doesn't concern her.

Why would you allow yourself to be treated this way.

Every time you don't set a firm personal boundary, you are setting yourself up.

Every time you allow yourself to pick up a call, or respond to a text, or meet up with her, or cuddle with her, or have sex with her (even though she says sex is just sex- nothing more), you have allowed yourself to be used.

And being used, for whatever reason, is not her fault. You are allowing it to happen.

And so, you are choosing to keep a little flame going, by fooling yourself into thinking that being used is the same thing as re-building a healthy relationship.Or it's okay to let yourself lower your standards to an extreme degree, because it may pay off in the end if she comes back to you.

There comes a point where you have to accept that the relationship is 'over'. Not half over, not on a break, not a modified version, but... o-v-e-r. Period.

Having a relationship includes the risk that you will at some point, see the relationship come to an end. It is simply time to accept that.

[pplpeople8]

I appreciate the advice everyone.

I met with her last night and told her that she cannot keep doing what she is doing. That she cannot tell me that she loves me, misses me, and wants to cuddle if she does not want to be with me. I said that it is not fair to her, and that it is not fair to me what she is doing. I said that if she has no intentions of getting back with me, she needs to let me go.

She was pretty upset when I spoke to her. She is not ready to let me go, but she is also not ready to commit again. She said that it was still a possibility we could try and get back together again but she wouldn't say anything definitively. I almost felt as if she wanted me to beg to get back together with her, which is not what I was going to do. I told her that I love her and always will. And said that I may be willing to try the relationship again if she was ready for it in her heart. She would not give me an answer regarding that.

The conversation basically ended with me saying that the break is over and that we are now broken up. And that she needs to stop texting me those romantic texts if we are not together. I told her I loved every second with her and said thank you for the initiating the break because it taught me a lot of lessons about what I was doing wrong in the relationship. I had a lot of trust and jealousy issues which caused the break but are also now fixed because of the break - it allowed me to do a lot of soul searching. I told her that she is an amazing person and that I'll always love her.

We hugged and said goodbye. She was very upset, it is not what she wanted.

I do desperately want her back, but only if she is ready to take me back. So the I love you/i miss you texts should be done now. I am so hurt inside because I do still love her so much, and I know she loves me, but I couldn't let what she was doing continue anymore.

How did I do? Now what do I do? A part of me wants to talk to her again.. and just put all my cards on the table and say that I really do want to be with her and that the ball is totally in her court. I feel as if I did not get to say that completely. I phrased myself as if I wasn't sure if I wanted to continue, and that I really needed her to know that she wanted to continue the relationship if I were to continue it with her. I told her that she broke my heart by breaking up with me. Should I put in one last conversation and just let her know completely how I feel? Or did I already do that? I want her back but cannot be treated like this anymore :(

[talaniman]

You done good grasshopper, and the work to deal with your own feelings has begun. It will be hard, but don't contact her at all.

Matter of fact, don't even be available for her at all. Its your life, so get busy building a GREAT one without her.