[lindylou821]

I am in a relationship with a great guy.. he has a past with the ladies for sure.. his ex wife was a blond and last girlfriend was also.. I'm a brunette..

When we are out (mall, grocery shopping etc) if a blond walks by, not even a nice looking blond, she could be dog butt ugly and he will stare like she's a goddness! Even a poster of a blond, a blond on t.v. It doesn't seem to matter.

So why is he with me? I get very uncomfortable with his behavior, and have walked out of a store because of it.. He thinks it's funny, harmless etc..

Is he unsercure? Needs to find a blond? I'm very confused over this..

Help and advice please

[JoeCanada76]

I do not think it is him that is insecure but I think you are the one that is insecure. He is with you. You two are together.
Are you worried your not good enough for him because your not blonde. Do you really think that hair color matters? Or should matter? Why are you focused so much on what he may be looking at?

Another question is how long have you been together.
The more you make an issue of it the more he will probably do it. It just shows how nervous and insecure you are in this relationship.

[excon]

He thinks it's funny, harmless etc..

Is he unsercure? Needs to find a blond? I'm very confused over this..

Help and advice please

Hello lindy:

He's not insecure. He's IMPOLITE, and DISRESPECTFUL of you. Look. I, too, like blondes... I also like redheads, and you could throw in a brunette or two... Frankly, I love 'em all. And, I look, too. But, I don't STARE, and my girl NEVER knows that I looked. So, I get to have my cake and eat it too.

Your boyfriend is not going to stop looking, but he needs to stop humiliating you. I'd DEMAND it.

excon

[Cat1864]

I am wondering if it could be a combination of you feeling insecure because of his history with blondes and perhaps he isn't as adept at hiding his interest as many people are.

How much of his actions could be aimed at causing you to react? If you don't react, what does he do?

Has he asked you to dye your hair? If not, then he has other reasons for being with you that mean more to him than hair color.

If he has had the same pattern of behavior since before you started dating him, why are you with him? You can't make someone change. You can encourage or you can make changes for yourself such as walking away.

[talaniman]

You are lucky you don't have a man like me, that loves them all!

Stop reacting because he is probably pushing your buttons, or make him pay for screwing with your head, by not dating him.

Stop being so insecure.

[kcomissiong]

Exie, we almost always know that you looked! Most of us understand that it isn't a huge deal. My husband peeks at butts, and as discrete as he tries to be, I know when he does it. Of course, you may be a ninja, and beyond detection.

To the question at hand... as Cat mentioned, has he asked you to change yourself to fit his "type". He is in a relationship with you because he wants to be. He certainly had the option of blonde women, and chose to be with you. Men will always look. But, he needs to be considerate enough of your feelings that the tries to do it when you won't see him. If you tell him that the staring is hurtful and it doesn't stop, he is either too thick to know when its obvious, or doesn't care that it bothers you. Either way, you have to decide what you can live with. You can't change another person, so if you don't like the situation, you have to do something different.

[lindylou821]

I am abit insecure... this I think is due to the fact he told me about all these past lovers right when we started dating.. I wondered why he was telling me unless he was trying to make himself look like a "player'I have a past also, I've not dated guys my age (yes I was a cougar)didn't date for over 2 years and finally got back out there again..

Think maybe because I dated guys 20 years younger than myself that he is acting like this? Maybe he feels insecure also.

He has stopped dead he his tracks to look at a blond. What bothers me is the why he looks at them.. he is F%$#*&% them with his eyes.. When I have seen other men do this when they are with their girlfriend I have wondered if the guy really cares for her..

My guy tells me all the time he loves me, wants to be with me, etc, etc.. guess I'm just not use to this behavior in a mature male (he's 60).

Thanks for all your input..

[excon]

guess I'm just not use to this behavior in a mature male (he's 60).

Hello again, lindy:

Sorry. It's just the opposite. It's extremely immature... I don't know why you're giving him a pass. I'd tell him what's so, how you expect to be treated, and what's going to happen if you're not... But, I'm used to strong willed women.

excon