[Kitkat9800]

I met a really cute man who is 44, recently divorced after 20 years. We fell in love very quickly, spent every moment together. He wanted to introduce me to his friends, at a bar he said he spent a lot of time at to soothe his loneliness. It was a gay bar. His ex boyfriend showed up, but I was told it was a relationship of comfort and friendship and they only had sex twice. After this came out, I was informed that he had had an encounter while he was married with someone who penetrated him while he was drunk. We have had great sex, usually after drinking, but also in the morning when most men wake up with an erection. It takes him some "thought" to come to an orgasm, so he says, and has had a disorder called " stiff person syndrome" in the recent past. As former Jehovah's Witness, he has never given me oral sex. We broke up, and I find out he spent his free night at several gay bars because he says they are " safe" from women. Is he gay, bi or just going through a major issue? I love him and want him back, but don't want to share...

[Cat1864]

I am going to be blunt and say that it isn't your business any more. For what ever reasons, you broke up and should be thinking about healing and moving forward with your life.

You seem concerned about his sexuality, but if sex was great between you, why did you break up? You say that you didn't find out about his 'visits to gay bars' during your relationship until after you broke up. Were you insecure about his sexuality or were there other problems you are sweeping under the rug?

You don't say how long he had been divorced before he got involved with his ex and how long after they broke up he became involved with you. I think he is wandering from relationship to relationship and isn't taking time to work through his own confusion and baggage. I suggest not allowing his confusion to affect you any more than it has. Why should you carry his baggage? It's up to him to get rid of it.

For future reference, you can't know a person's sexual preference unless they tell you or you catch them in the act of having sex with someone and even then it is iffy. People really don't fit neatly into labeled boxes.

Take care of yourself and let him figure out his own life. I am not saying it will be easy, but I think you will end up being happier in the long run.

[Fr_Chuck]

So he is bi, he likes men and women, He prefers sex a certain way.

Why are you worry about him ? You and he broke up, so move on,