[calvinist]

Hi folks ,well a wee bit about me.

I'm 37, I was married for 5 years before getting divorced and have a 10 year old boy. I thereafter had a serious relationship for a further four years and lived together before she broke up with me and pursued someone else.

Following that I had a number of meaningless short term sexual encounters which I used [wrongly] to make myself feel better and more attractive.

I met a girl about 6 months ago and we seemed to hit it off. We are the same age and have similar interests and had our fair share of failed relationships. We were happy whether it was going for meal or cinema or just a walk down the road. We both had insecurities and spoke about it and I constantly reassured her about how I felt towards her.

I learned from mistakes I had made in previous relationships to make this one work, however about 1 month ago I noticed she started to seem disinterested and distant. She stopped responding to texts and made excuses not to see me.

I spoke with her about it and she said her job and outside interests [she volunteers for charity radio] had squeezed her time.

She texted me the other day to end our relationship, saying I was a great guy and too good for her but she felt it wasn't going to work. After several messages she ended the relationship and we have had no contact since.

Im sure its just girlie code for ''I've lost interest in you/no longer fancy you'' or ''I've met someone else but can't tell you''

Its disappointing as her previous long term boyfriends have been disasters. I decided he was gay and the other one sapped her self confidence and called her names yet she gave them 9 years of her life.

I treated her with respect and she commented I made her feel like a princess yet I barely got 6 months.

Now I'm on the internet seeking answers. I'm such a loser.

Thanks for your time.

[talaniman]

No you are not a loser, but you just think that the next girl you fall for will be the one. So take that past experience and move on to the next adventure with no regrets, and give your confidence and disappointment time to settle, and enjoy the next one. Why get one? Date as many as you have time for, and let it work itself naturally.

[Alty]

You're not a loser.

You're focusing on the fact that you only got 6 months. Would you have rather had 9 years and then be dumped?

Be happy that you know now that she's not interested, so you can go out and find someone that is.

You're right, this is girl code for "I'm just not that into you". Nothing you did. You can't force someone to feel what you feel.

[Wondergirl]

You're not the loser in this relationship. She is. She's lost YOU.

Reread what Tal said. I agree with him 100%.

[calvinist]

I appreciate he replies folks!

Its been a sore one to take but ,surprisingly writing about it and getting advice from strangers has helped a wee bit.

Many thanks for taking the time to reply !

[vanheart]

It doesn't sound like you were jumping up & down when you speak of her.

Sounds like you haven't found the one yet. Me either..

There will be others.

So it be. When someone no longer wants you. Spilt.

Simple as that.

[liz28]

No your not a loser and you actually sounds like a nice guy who got with the wrong girl. I hate when the breakee uses the "your too good line". So you know what you were too good for her because she wasn't ready for what you had to offer but believe another female will. Let her stick to what she is used too, no good guys.

I believe in life that sometimes things happen for a reason. So her getting out of your life is to clear way for someone better.

[vanheart]

I agree.

I hate that line too. But, she's right. You are too good for her.

It's the subtle honesty that is actually a slap & a kick in the... Those final eff-yous.

I got that & "dont worry, good things always come to you" Among other clichés.

Sometimes it take guys a while to get it.

I say, anyone that dumps you by text, deserves NC. Now & for good.

Whatever the reasons.

She has shown you her colors.

Surprise.