[tspoon83]

Hello,
I have been with my girlfriend for 10 years, and she says she wants time on her own. What does this mean? She says she still loves me, and would like to still get married, BUT it depends on how she feels after our break. I really love this girl, and I want her to be my wife... but she feels as though she needs the time apart thing. Can someone help me?

[TheCompromiser]

Give her time. It seems as though she feels like she's missed something. Many times, this is even the downfall of marriages. You get together with someone you like really young, spend your early years with them, but had no time to explore and have fun. She probably just wants to make sure that she's not missing anything and that you ARE the one for her. You should explore too. Make sure that she's the one for you.
Alternatively, if you don't let her have her space, you will push her away. She might end up cheating, or deciding to leave you for some guy she just met because he's different.

[tspoon83]

Thank you very much for the answer... we did have a break a few years back for the same sort of reason it was me that wanted that, it was only for a week at the max I guess its her turn now right?

[talaniman]

Give her what she asked for and enjoy yourself, and resist the urge to pester her because you get scared of losing her. You don't say how old you are, or if there is an agreement as to dating others, or how long this break is for, so its hard to tell what this is about or how serious things are, but 10 years is an awful long time to not have a plan well under way. That's a lot of just drifting along, and I assume there are no children, or if you even live together.

More facts maybe helpful.

[tspoon83]

Well we have lived together for 10 years I'm 28 she is 26, and I had brought her a ring to ask her to marry me, she has always wanted kids but was'nt ready so no kids, but I am ready now and have been for a year or so.. as for plans of us seting a date to get back together there is none she says she needs time on her own to find her self...

[talaniman]

Am I to assume she moved out, and took her stuff? If she did you treat this as a break up, and start doing things for yourself that you enjoy, and leave her alone to her space as you reconnect with who you are without her.

If she left all of her stuff, expect her back to get a few things from time to time. You treat this as a break up, and start doing things for yourself that you enjoy, and leave her alone to her space as you reconnect with who you are without her.

I hope you notice this is more about your dignity and self respect rather than the relationship, because there is no way of knowing what she has on her mind, but that statement about getting back together and the whole marriage bit "depending on how she feels after the break", could very well mean she wants sometime to explore before she makes a decision.

So did she leave her stuff, or take it, and where did she go???

[tspoon83]

Well she still hasent left yet but will be moving into our friends place when she is "ready" w(well that's what she said anyway) all her stuff will still be here she says she is just taking clothes...

[talaniman]

I can't believe she is thinking of leaving with no end to this vacation/break, or whatever you are calling it, but after 10 years, if she isn't sure she wants to be in it, to win it, you better let her know that you are not sitting in limbo waiting on the edge for her to figure it out.

She better do better than an open ended break, as in time frame that includes RULES of good behavior you both can agree on, or else she may as well take ALL her stuff, and return your key.

Dignity, and self respect. You stand for something, or fall for anything. So play it cool until she decides, and leaving is okay, but she doesn't get to leave, and set the rules, or control the program.

That would be only fair.Does she work, go to school, have a great career?

[DFWhottie3939]

Most girls don't spend 10 years of their life with a guy they don't want to marry (not saying everyone, but most). Is she taking time because you haven't popped the question? You said you bought a ring... but does she know that? Seriously, I'm just saying - she may need time because she's not sure you're ever going to commit and no one wants to waste their prime years if it's going anywhere. You sound like a great guy, but does she really know of your intentions?

[DFWhottie3939]

**if it's NOT going anywhere - typo!

[tspoon83]

Yeah mate I told her what my intentions where a bit before all this happened I told her I wanted to marry her and have some kids she still says she wants time on her own :(