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wiseovr40 · Jul 17, 2011, 02:23 AM

My fiancé daughter is 15 shewears tops with her boobs out and cuddles under him rubbing her hands cross his belly while watching TV and sometime falls to sleep with him that way. Should I feel treaten/

tickle · Jul 17, 2011, 03:34 AM

I don't think 'threatened' is what you should feel, more like disgusted. If this girl is l5 she should be mature enough to realize this is innapropriate behavior with her dad. Why don't you say something? She needs some direction, because she is going in the wrong direction.

Tick

redhed35 · Jul 17, 2011, 03:43 AM

Whatever about the 15 year old not knowing that this behaviour is inappropriate, the DAD should know.

Have you spoken to him about it?

Ilovemonkeys39 · Jul 17, 2011, 06:38 AM

Tell the dad about that it is inappropriate DUH seriousley

Netballgirl · Jul 17, 2011, 06:45 AM

It's not something you should be threatened by however, you need to tell your fiancé that her behaviour is incredibly disgusting (maybe in a nicer way) and talk to the 15 year old that the way she dresses isn't appropriate.

J_9 · Jul 17, 2011, 06:47 AM

It's not your responsibility to impose your beliefs on the daughter. However, I do believe you should talk to your "fiance" about this.

Yes, it is totally inappropriate. What does he have to say about this? Where is her mother in the picture?

odinn7 · Jul 17, 2011, 07:11 AM

Funny thing is... HE should know better as well and nobody should have to tell him. I'm a father of an 11 year old and nobody needs to tell me what's inappropriate because I already know. What's wrong with this guy that he doesn't put a stop to this and needs someone to point it out to him?

excon · Jul 17, 2011, 07:23 AM

Originally Posted by wiseovr40

should i feel treaten/

Hello w:

I agree with the others here. You're not going to teach him anything that he already FAILED to learn. Plus, the 15 year old is just loving her Daddy. It CERTAINLY ain't HER fault! If ANYTHING, SHE'S a victim, or at least a POTENTIAL victim. And, how she dresses, ISN'T the ISSUE either. Whoever said that is bonkers.

This is a bombshell WAITING to go off. IF I was you, I'd excuse myself from this toxic relationship and find a NEW fiancé.

excon

tickle · Jul 17, 2011, 07:28 AM

Originally Posted by excon

This is a bombshell WAITING to go off. IF I was you, I'd excuse myself from this toxic relationship and find a NEW fiance.

excon

I for sure, would not want to be around to pick up the pieces. It is definitely some doodoo waiting to hit the fan.

I loved the question though "should I feel threatened'.

JudyKayTee · Jul 17, 2011, 07:35 AM

I see the question as more about jealousy and less about how appropriate the behavior is.

Red flag, red flag, red flag.

excon · Jul 17, 2011, 07:43 AM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

I see the question as more about jealousy and less about how appropriate the behavior is.

Hello Judy:

You ARE a sharp girl..

There is a certain segment of society that will BLAME the OTHER woman NO matter what. I see it all the time on your TV show when you're playing a judge. What's somewhat demented in THIS relationship, is the other woman is his daughter...

Ain't nothing good going to come out of this relationship - if you want to CALL it a relationship.

excon

Fr_Chuck · Jul 17, 2011, 08:16 AM

This is the same as in abusive relationships or others. We have no idea what elese is happening, The OP needs to come back and give us more info

tickle · Jul 17, 2011, 09:42 AM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

I see the question as more about jealousy and less about how appropriate the behavior is.

Red flag, red flag, red flag.

I agree to a certain extent, but this situation transcends mere father/daughter affectionate behavior; that is what I read from the explanation. A fiancée can be jealous of a normal father/daughter relationship too, but jealousy involving behavior not appropriate is more like being jealous of another woman; this should not be. I hope the father is not encouraging this behavior.

Heck, this isn't a red flag, it's a chartreuse flag

Tick

wiseovr40 · Jul 17, 2011, 01:11 PM

Originally Posted by excon

Hello w:

I agree with the others here. You're not gonna teach him anything that he already FAILED to learn. Plus, the 15 year old is just loving her Daddy. It CERTAINLY ain't HER fault!! If ANYTHING, SHE'S a victim, or at least a POTENTIAL victim. And, how she dresses, ISN'T the ISSUE either. Whoever said that is bonkers.

This is a bombshell WAITING to go off. IF I was you, I'd excuse myself from this toxic relationship and find a NEW fiance.

excon

No that's not the answer this girl has aproblem with her dad being with me she truly showing her jealousy in think dad love me more. I simply choose not to say anything cause the dad is wise enough to know it bothers me and don't look well. But if he says something she will feel more left out. So there for I don't make the first move this has to come from him. If he love me enough he will stop it. I can't let her know that it bothers me cause I know she is doing it on purpose to make me mad. When I say something I'm going to hurt both their feelings. ii hope he figur it out before the wedding . Right now the lest affection we have the better when we become one I can let it all hang out. And she will then be able to except it because I am no longer her dads girlfriend I'm his wife and her stepma. She doesn't do this in front of anyone else just me.

wiseovr40 · Jul 17, 2011, 01:22 PM

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

This is the same as in abusive relationships or others. We have no idea what elese is happening, The OP needs to come back and give us more info

Trust me nothing abusive she just wants to make me jealous she think her dad loves me more. Once we marry she will have to except that she can not hurt me and has no right to do this. I choose not to say anything to him until he ask if he needs to he know this is out of order but she is so jealous she coudld behaive worst. He has to be the one to stop this if not I will say something and hurt both their feelings plu God know how much we can bare.

excon · Jul 17, 2011, 01:35 PM

Hello again,

You ain't NEVER going to get it. Having that little piece of paper called a marriage license ain't what you need... What you NEED, is a fiancé who ain't feeling up his daughter...

excon

redhed35 · Jul 17, 2011, 01:37 PM

Do you really think this will stop the minute you say 'i do', that this situation will go away, that your future husband will suddenly stop allowing his daughter to do this?

Not going to happen.

She's a kid, your both adults, if your not going to say something step aside and tell someone who will.

If her father is allowing this behaviour to continue there is a serious question mark over this man, do you see that this is not the actions of a jealous daughter, but of a kid ( yes kid) who s needs help.

Fr_Chuck · Jul 17, 2011, 01:40 PM

This is how and why child abuse happens in homes, the mother turns her back or makes excuses.

In this case, there is non proper touching, does not matter who is starting it, if the father allows it, he is just as guility.

You are making excuses and do not want to accept or admit the truth.

If the girl is having acceptance issues or jealous, get the child counseling, don't let her and dad feel up each other, that will only require years of more therapy.

Tell him to stop it now or your bedroom door is closed.

Enigma1999 · Jul 17, 2011, 02:38 PM

I don't know what I find more disturbing here...

The fact that her Father is behaving that way with his Daughter OR you coming off as being jealous about it.

Either way, it's wrong.

Of course she is jealous of her Fathers love for you! She is a 15 year old girl with hormones raging. Her parents are NOT together anymore, for what ever reason. She wants Daddy's attention. SHE is also the child (victim) in all of this. Not you. Not him. She is.

It is up to you to be the grown up in all of this. First off you need to take the blame off this child and put it where it belongs. You need to speak to him about his bahavior and that it makes you feel uncomfortable. Why wait until you are either married or until he questions you?

You need to communicate this to him, if not for you, then for his Daughter.

Cat1864 · Jul 17, 2011, 03:00 PM

Originally Posted by wiseovr40

my fiance daughter is 15 shewears tops with her boobs out and cuddles under him rubbing her hands cross his belly while watchin tv and sometime falls to sleep with him that way. should i feel treaten/

How long have you been dating him? Where is her biological mother?

Who told you this is a new behavior designed to make you upset and jealous? Him? I don't buy it and I don't think you should either.

This is behavior he needs to put a stop to no matter what. You need to back off until he does. Do not think that just because you say 'I do' that it gives you some magical power to make things the way you want them to be. It doesn't and it won't.

Quite frankly, I would be calling off the wedding. Calling child protective services and running like a fox with hounds on its tail away from the situation.

Keep in mind that her father is the one who should be setting and keeping the boundaries of proper behavior. He should be the one guiding her to proper ways of showing affection and reassuring her that he loves her even as he prepares to bring you into the family. He should be getting her help instead of indulging her behavior. He is the adult. He is the father. He needs to act like it.

You need to take a very good look at the entire relationship and pay close attention to the warning signs. Watch him instead of his child. The child can't get under him on her own. There is a lot more to this than a jealous child acting out especially when that jealous child is acting like a jealous lover.

Don't be close minded to the part he plays. Don't be so quick to blame the child. A child needs guidance and this one isn't getting any.