[Naya]

Hello,

This is my first time using this forum so please bare with me if I do this wrong! My ex-boyfriend and I broke up almost 2 years ago and recently I received a post on myspace from him (he does not have any of personal info - email, phone etc) and I was quite shocked to see that he went searching for me as things ended very badly between us and we have not had one single form of contact since the breakup. We also do not have any mutual friends to inquire about each other. My question is, why after all this time? His post was very simple, just 'hey its been a while. How have you been?" I have not yet responded as I'm hoping to get some feedback first. Please help!

[Wildcat21]

Don't over analyze. He wants to know how you've been.

He's probably grown up a lot as well - and hopefully you as well.

[Naya]

I can accept that, but he's blocked me from seeing whose on his friends list

[ForeverZero]

Why does it matter if you can see his friends? You're not together, nor should you assume he's trying to get back together with you. If you're curious to see what he's up to, respond. It's not worth overanalyzing yet, he may just be writing to tell you his dog died or something.

[Skell]

If you want to respond to him do so. Just be honest and tell him how you have been.

If you wish to know how he has been ask him so!

Pretty straight forward stuff. Don't go assuming or presuming anything OK?

If you think you want to respond then do so, if not then it is your choice not to!

Good luck and let us know what you do!

[Wildcat21]

Only respond if you mean it.

We don't know what happened... but, I'd say if he hurt bad - I'd say leave him alone.

[talaniman]

Err on the side of caution and let sleeping dogs lie.(leave him alone)

[Naya]

Thank you for your responses, but I guess some background info would be more helpful. It was one of those situations where I was going to university and he was working security with the hopes of being a Cop (which he's now in school for after we broke up). This was never an issue for me, however, later I discovered that my being in school became a major issue for him as I got my education thrown back in my face. I am social and like to discover new things and activities, while he never had the $$$ to do anything, even though he was working 2 jobs, and would often put that blame on me - so I would feel guilty and shell out just so we could do something other than stay at home and rent movies, even paying for his groceries - mind you I'm working and going to school to support myself. He lived at home, but did pay rent and just never really put any effort into anything - no excitement or enthusiasm or tokens, even on my birthday! I constantly felt like I had to walk on eggshells - and he even threated to hit me after our fight.
I know there are things that I could have done differently as well, but to put the entire fault of the relationship on my shoulders is unfair!
You know when you know that someone is bad for you in your head, but then you see them and your heart says something else? I know I deserve better, but its hard after being treated that way to put trust into someone new... so I guess that's why I want to know why after all this time and all the secrecy?

[talaniman]

Nothing you have posted has changed my mind but just begs a question, Why are you so worried over spilled milk and even care? This is the past and frankly you should be glad its over. He may be missing his meal ticket, so what? No one can really know what his motivations are.

[Wildcat21]

After reading that I see zero reason to contact this guy. None. Zero.

Doesn't sound like you guys ever really clicked... defintely NOT your soul mate.

Hit DELETE!!

[Geoffersonairplane]

It does not sound like the perfect match to me and I was concerned that you wrote he threatened to hit you in an argument. Big red flags there, it would be best for you to ignore him.

Find your soul mate and as Wildcat says, hit the delete button!

[Naya]

So I got another email from him and it goes a little something like this:

"So here's the thing...
Al I wanted to say to you was that I was in a prety bad car accident in October. The doctors told me that I should have been paralyzed or killed, they don't know why I'm not. That got me thinking about my life up to this point and I realized a lot of things. So, I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for how I treated you when we were together, it was wrong and you deserved better. Take this how you will. I just needed to say it.
Take care of yourself"

Mixed in a flood of emotion!

[Wildcat21]

He's also playing with you.

Quite frankly your first relationship sounded horrible.

Keep it in the past. AND why was he in this accident?? Drinking? / was he drinker??

It was broke for BIG reason before. Abusers don't change without A LOT HELP and therapy - it takes years.

[talaniman]

Episode over? Or is it?

[Wildcat21]

I hope so.

We discussed abusers in another post - she should check it out - this is serious stuff.

[Geoffersonairplane]

I agree with wildcat again on the point he makes about abusers not changing without serious help..

I suggest you stay far away from him.

[Wildcat21]

"Abuse is no joke and abusers are much worse than cheaters" -

Abusers can also be verbal - verbal abusers inflict MORE harm than physical.

[Naya]

Just wanted to say thank you guys for your help. After careful consideration and what I think will be best for me, I've decided not to respond to his email. I'm tired of constantly putting myself out there to make HIM feel better, and I feel that by bringing up the accident that's exactly what he's hoping I will do. Although I am very sorry that it did happen to him, I don't feel that because it happened he gets a get out of jail free card for the way he treated me. Its been two years and I need to start focusing on weeding out the negative people and letting good people into my life. So again, thank you for your advise, as you can see I am taking it to heart and moving forward, not looking back!