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endlesspained · Jul 12, 2011, 08:51 AM

Ok we are not really exes, but we have been friends with benefits for a year and a half... I met her through my sister, she is 21 and I am 25. At first it was only a physical thing, and we began getting really close till the point she told me she loved me, and after a while I began to feel the say way. Out of the blue though, she told me she wanted to be just friends and nothing else, but she still loves me, and may want something one day... I immediately told her that I respect her wishes, and think it's a good idea since nobody should date somebody that they are not comfortable with... Basically I began no contact from day 1 instead of the begging crap... After about a week, she face booked me and ask did I want to go to the movies with her and her cousin... I responded with quick with no thanks, I made plans to hang out with friends already... and left it at that, am I on a good track? Even though we were not official, should this effect her? After all, we were close, talked all the time, had lots of sex... and instead of trying to working things out for weeks or months, I left her alone from day one... I am working on myself, but I can't help but hope she will come around.

talaniman · Jul 12, 2011, 01:50 PM

Keep working on yourself, and take things one day at a time. You had other plans, and that's okay.

Hard to give up good sex huh? That's okay too, at least you are in control, and you don't let the good sex control you. That's good. What happens next, happens.

vanheart · Jul 12, 2011, 03:47 PM

Responding to her isn't going NC.

I suggest not communicating with her at all. You are no longer available to her.

Don't let her want you at her convenience when other opportunities aren't working out for her. And have you jump at her whims.

Don't wait for her to "come around"

Do for yourself.

Really go NC. It will save you a lot of confusion & help you grow.

endlesspained · Jul 13, 2011, 07:50 AM

Thanks, on twitter she tweeted, really starting to miss him, I don't know if it was about me, but I'm guessing it was... I hate this feeling, and I've thought about deleting her off fb and twitter, but I have some serious ego issues which is why its easy for me to not initiate conversation with her, and me deleting her will show her that I am affected by her ending things with me... which I don't want to do... sigh.. only time tells things

talaniman · Jul 13, 2011, 08:10 AM

So actually you are having a hard time coping with your own feelings, and issues.

endlesspained · Jul 13, 2011, 08:36 AM

All of the above, I would prefer she stayed in life, I just learned over the years that pleading and using logic to explain why it can work will only push them further away... so I put on this nonchalant air like I don't care, even though I've been hurting a lot... I also know that even though it hurts when you have to let somebody go you really care about, its even worse when they ripped yourself esteem and dignity up in the process of trying to get them back... so I'm trying to not even put myself through that.

Basically I just wanted to know did no contact from day 1 tend to bring more results then waiting weeks like most people do.

vanheart · Jul 14, 2011, 02:54 PM

Don't wait

endlesspained · Jul 15, 2011, 12:36 PM

The girl I have been dating for like the last year, has been sending me text every now and then, saying Hi, or do you want to hang out, etc... I have been extremely dry or giving one word answers, I don't even text back right away... THe other day she got mad and said if I never want to talk to her again she understands, and wishes me the best... About 5 hours later, I laughed at her in a text and called her a drama queen, saying that it is not like I'm by my phone 24.7 and left it like that... In case you wonder why I respond, I do so because if I ignore her completely, she will think I mad, but I am literally acting like I don't care that it didn't work, and never initiate any conversation... even though I do want her back... So if Im not emotional in the text, and ignore some of them, and am always giving 1 word answers, would this work in getting her back? Im literally not showing interest at all.

Wondergirl · Jul 15, 2011, 12:40 PM

You are showing interest when you text back to her. Stop it. Go No Contact.

southamerica · Jul 15, 2011, 12:44 PM

Nothing will help you get her back if she doesn't want you back.

Stop responding to her and move on with your life. Move on to a girl who you don't have to play games with.

talaniman · Jul 15, 2011, 12:59 PM

Sucks to be in the friend zone, and it sucks to get dumped, but what you are doing is dishonest, and a game of manipulation. If she doesn't want to come back on her own, then why even go through this torment, and feed the false hope.

Much better to approach this honestly, by asking her straight up what her intentions are for the future, and accepting what she tells you and tell her that's friends, and hanging out doesn't work for you and leave her alone after that.

Your threads were merged for the whole story, and putting all the facts in one place.

No need to start another thread about the same failed relationship.

Too bad you cannot balance your life and put a friendship into a proper perspective, but since you cannot, and only want what you want, an iron clad exclusive commitment, then you better leave her alone before you get carried away, and lose your dignity, and self respect, through misery, and false hope, and trying to manipulate her feelings. When a couple cannot agree as to the definition and purpose of there actions, they most likely will never have a relationship that works for them both, and need to just quit before it gets ugly.

Cat1864 · Jul 15, 2011, 02:03 PM

This is probably going to come off as harsh:

No Contact vs. Limited Contact, please help!

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The girl I have been dating for like the last year, has been sending me text every now and then, saying Hi, or do you want to hang out, etc... I have been extremely dry or giving one word answers, I don't even text back right away... THe other day she got mad and said if I never want to talk to her again she understands, and wishes me the best... About 5 hours later, I laughed at her in a text and called her a drama queen, saying that it is not like I'm by my phone 24.7 and left it like that... In case you wonder why I respond, I do so because if I ignore her completely, she will think I mad, but I am literally acting like I don't care that it didn't work, and never initiate any conversation... even though I do want her back... So if Im not emotional in the text, and ignore some of them, and am always giving 1 word answers, would this work in getting her back? Im literally not showing interest at all.

My take on your actions is that you are showing her that you can act like an immature jerk. It sounds like you are acting like the drama queen you accused her of being. By the way, putting her on the defensive is a good way to drive her away.

If you don't want to be friends with her, then stop all contact including Facebook and Twitter. If you do want to be friends with her and see where the relationship goes when sex isn't the main focus, start acting like a friend instead a petulant child.

IF you want a relationship with her, talk to her about why she wanted to back off on the relationship and be friends without sex. It sounds to me like she is confused and scared that there isn't a good relationship unless sexual contact is involved. How long was it between her admitting that her feelings had changed and you realized yours had changed. Did you tell her how you feel about her?

You mention that you met her through your sister. Is she a friend or co-worker of your sister?