[ddavid37]

My husband dated a girl many years before we dated. The relationship wasn't lengthy and she was more "into" him than he was her. There were some things that he says he didn't want in a woman (romantically). Years later, we became an item and now, 5 1/2 years later, we're married. When he told her we were getting married and they should "cut ties" since their relationship was sexual at one point. Her response was, " **** that B_ _ _ H, I came first!

At this point, I think he should have told her to never contact him again and hung up the phone, change his number and his email. However, she still emails him from time to time with a "Hey, what's up stranger" or a "Happy Birthday". He says that he ignores her and doesn't respond to her emails. However, I don't quite believe that. Several months ago he got an email from her while I was sitting with him at the computer. Nothing inappropriate, but a "Hey what's up". He became agitated and said, " I don't need this ****!" (Personally I think he acted that annoyed because I was sitting right there...had I not been there it would have been a different story.)I chose to take a path that I normally wouldn't in this situation and that was to nonchalantly say, " Well babe, just email her that you're married and out of respect for your wife, you can't continue the "friendship". He said, " I will when I have a moment." Now, we all know that he could have done it right then and there to erase any doubt or concern in my mind that he did what he was supposed to do.

Fast forward to Father's Day 2011... He gets an email saying, " Happy Father's Day babe"
- I nearly lost my lunch! This ***** won't quit! But wait... is it really just her being an *** or is he not ignoring her the way he says he is? Ok, I'm not stupid... if he were really ignoring her, she would have stopped by now. I think that when he decided to email her after the time we were at the computer together and her email came through he didn't set the boundaries with her like he should have.

I'm trying to figure out what to do about this. A good friend of mine has said that although you don't like the fact that he didn't tell her to screw off don't call me again... it doesn't mean he's really having anything to do with her. "He MARRIED YOU...SHE LIVES 4 HOURS AWAY...HES NOT CHEATING ON YOU..aaand, he's not a mean guy he doesn't like feeling like he's being an ***. He doesn't like when people are mad at him."

Yeah, he married me, but I just don't understand why he get's upset with me when I ask him about why he never really set the tone with her and cut ties? I guess he cares more about whether other people are mad instead of me. He says that she's not ruining our marriage so I should be upset anymore and ruin the marriage myself.

Am I overly upset about this? I feel that ex- sex partners have crossed that boundary of friendship; not to mention that she realllly liked him... and she was disrespectful by saying she comes first. How should I approach this? I feel totally helpless in stopping the behavior

[talaniman]

Your are right, he has no need to let her into your lives at all, just because she wants to be, but you better be careful, and approach this in a reasonable calm way. Maybe ask how would he feel if you kept an email friendship with your ex.

You are lucky I rethought this, and then deleted my original 3 paragraph rant about letting him handle it his way.

Either way, discuss it and get his thoughts, as you express yours, so the resentments you already have can be vented, and maybe the issue resolved, before it drives a wedge between you.

Good Luck!

[vanheart]

His ex is just that. Ex. In the past. That's what ex means.
Did I forget to give you the definition of EX? (No longer, in the past) X, not XO...

I wouldn't put up w/that.

Its either her or you. Simple. Drama free.

If he can't decide. Then split.

Sometimes you can't make someone else decide.

They have to.

As you move one.

[HurtScorpio]

OK -the reason the girl is doing this is to get a rise out of you and create drama in your relationship. Suddenly he is more appealing now that he is married? No doubt because some women are like that. Your friend is right and I do not think he is cheating HOWEVER for YOUR sanity which is more important than HER feelings, he needs to buck up and tell her via text, e-mail, or whatever IN FRONT OF YOU that he is sorry but out of respect for his wife he is going to end all contact. There is no reason they need to have contact. This girl is being bitter and he did not choose her he chose you so he needs to end contact especially with the words she is using like babe. I think this will keep torturing you if you do not yell him to end it.