[scid]

So, we've been dating for a year now. The first 6 months were amazing, but ever since then it's gone down hill ever so slightly, and now it's taken a turn for the worse. It seems like she is losing her sex drive completely. Any time I say anything at all about anything relating to sex she says all I want is sex and that she doesn't care about it at all. We see each other 3-4 times a week, we both live with our parents, we're in college together. Sex is DEFINITELY NOT all I want, though I think it is important in a healthy relationship, disagree with me if you want but that's what I think. We get along great, and we have fun doing a lot of other things. I don't understand what the problem is now and what could have changed between then and now... This has really got me down. Any suggestions would be very appreciated.

Oh and neither of us were virgins before we started dating, we both have had sex with 1 other person, both were in our previous relationships.

[Catsmine]

Sounds like she's wanting to develop other aspects of your relationship to be certain that it's more than "friends with benefits." I can understand her point of view. Sex is a part of the relationship, but not the only part. Sometimes it's not even the most important part.

She may also have encountered some wacko "All sex is rape" feminists. Do not pressure her or she may think they have a point.

She may also be getting ready to drop you. Sad, but the possibility is there.

Watch the ball drop with her, wish her a Happy New Year, give her a kiss and go home tonight. Let her be the one to come on to you next time, even if it takes a little while.

[Fr_Chuck]

So what happens to your relationship lets say if for some medicial reason you can't have sex, where is this relationship.

Surely you are not having or wanting sex every time you are together?

[scid]

Thanks Catsmine.
Well in being together for a year and spending a lot of time together we have developed a lot of aspects for our relationship. We love each other a lot, I just don't understand this change and I don't like it.

[scid]

Fr_Chuck, well that's not the case is it? If that was the case then I wouldn't be posting this. Our relationship is great in all other aspects and no I don't bug her to have sex.

[Cat1864]

There are a lot reasons for frequency of sex to diminish in a relationship.

1. The 'Honeymoon Phase' is giving way to a more settled phase.

2. She may be going through a period of lowered sex drive. Hormones fluctuate, she could be stressed by school, family, friends, Holidays, etc. or it could even be seasonal (as in changing from Autumn to Winter). She may be having thoughts of what would happen if she got pregnant (the thought of an unplanned pregnancy can kill a libido). She may just not be mentally into sex right now.

3. If you both still live with your parents, how much privacy do you actually have for sex? Could she be needing something different?

4. Because every relationship is different, what do you consider enough and not enough?

5. Part of being in a healthy relationship is understanding that changes happen. Sometimes they are temporary. Sometimes they are more lasting. How the couple handles those changes is very important.

[smoothy]

So... you see her 3-4 timers a week. I guess you are expecting sex 3-4 times a week... RIGHT? That's what she's talking about... she feels like a booty call and not a girlfriend.

Easy trap to fall into... and many of us have. You are dating... just because you see her doesn't mean you have to pump and dump every time.

I'm curious about that...

[thor213]

I too have the same issue, however one of her friends (not any more as you will read) had oral sex with a guy she liked prior to me... I will add more but I will see how easy this is to post.

[thor213]

How is it going... is it all resolved?