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monkfish · Jun 24, 2011, 12:50 PM

Hello there. Well where do I start? I met my real father when I was around 21, and it was going well. We would meet up, and chat. I think about four times we met up for a drink, and a chat but, then it fizzled out. I think the timing was a little wrong on my behalf and, he would let me down quite a lot due to work commitments.

However as I've gotten older and, am now in my 30s with, my own little family, I would really like some sort of communication so, I did find him on Facebook and, I sent him a couple of messages but, then it became clear he wasn't willing to respond. That for me has become very hard to take a lot like rejection all over again.

Actually, even if he said "go away, I dont want anything to do with you" would be closure for me. So now I have his address. I would like to write to him but don't know whether it's a good idea! Can you help?

talaniman · Jun 24, 2011, 01:44 PM

I would say write him, and keep in mind that he may have felt rejected by you. A lot has gone on with you that you never told him about, but I feel its worth an effort to reopen the lines of communications, he is your dad. I am sure he would appreciate your efforts.

It's a risk, and the reward could be great for you both. Do it, and I wish the best for you.

hashma · Jul 6, 2011, 04:21 PM

I don't think your father wants anythink to do with you,but you can write once,and if he don't respond,then don't bother to write again...

SabraTova · Jul 6, 2011, 07:46 PM

Yes indeed--write. You might regret it either way--writing or not writing, so you may as well write!
And about the fb notes... are you sure it's really him? And, are you sure he's still living?

blueskys00 · Aug 12, 2011, 08:05 AM

Definitely write! Send pictures of your kids and your home and wife. Make him realize what he is missing and make it clear that the past is the past with no condemnation on either side.

Also realize that there are duds in the world and you may have been the one that inherited that dud! If this is the case then know it was absolutely no reflection on you! If he fades away or never reply s then kiss him good by. Have a celebration dinner with hi if he is local or have one if he is not and send him the photos of every one at the dinner table. On the other side of this coin I would actually have a farewell dinner and reflect on him for the evening with your family but then there is a new morning. At this point you can kiss him good by.
Some people do not have the capacity to be as you would have them. This is a difficult realization but true. I remember hearing that there are people in my circle that are just not "available" for me. This may be the reality for you and your father. Good luck and feel the peace that you can with the above actions. Either way it will be good. All if good!