[orangestang30]

My mother has since I was a child has not worked and lived off state aid medical and food stamps also taken our child support and even getting money from her rich brother. I have always been mean to her because she has never been involved in our lifes let alone ask how we are doing or how our day was. My sister had a better relationship with her. I on the other hand have always said stuff to her about not helping us out. I use to hustle as a kid to gather money for things I wanted or needed. Never got help but she was home all the time made sure we were healthy and fed us. I have always grew up with resentment because she always talked about how bad her life was and how us kids never had it bad. I always was involved in sports but she never came to any of my games. I lost the love for it because I wasn't being supported, every other parent was there why wasn't mine. She wasn't doing anything. All she wanted to do was smoke pot and stay home. It made me mad because she would buy weed with our child support money.
My uncle always gave her money but he only obtained the money because he was in an accident that she helped him get by getting a lawyer. They lost their parents at an early age and was in foster care so he wanted to help her too.
I moved out of the house at 18 and went to college that I paid for. She never came to see me but yet I had to get a job in the town she lived in to drive home on the weekends to work and take her to the store. I finally made her get her license but she was dependent on me to take her. I even at one time lived the next town over and she would never come see me or help me out when I lost my car due to an unusual circumstance. I had to ride the local bus to her place to visit her!
Until recent my uncle had a scizophrenic break which she was aware about and never did anything because I believe she was afraid he would cut her off and had to work. He became a ward of the state so her checks from him stopped. She always says well I can't work because I am sick I have high blood pressure and diabetic! I always called her out on what she was really doing. She never showed us any work ethic never involved in ourlives. I know she loves us but really. So this year my sister said come live with her in another state. I flew home to move her contents with a friend drove her their. My sister is really sick and seeking help to what ales her.my mom said she was wanted to live close to her to help her. She did nothing but stress my sister out. Never asked how school was never nothing it was always about her. My sister is married and trying to finish graduate school. My mother would eat all her food and would get mad if her husband or her would eat my moms.
My sister bentover backwards for my mom. My mom did not like the fact my sister talked to her about getting a job and that she couldn't live with her forever. So my sis got a house and told my mom to live in the apt until the end of the semester. My mom got pissed and moved to a friends because she told her she could rent free.So she did. Then that didn't workout because the lady wanted to charge rent. My mom had a job there though so she could have some extra money but that was for a month. She quit and was moving now to me. I didn't know my sister called and said mom is almost to your house. I said what!! I almost had a panic attack. I cannot have that but what is she doing. We have no other family and she seems lost. She had a little Uhaul and she moved her stuff in. I feel as if my place is not mine. I always am out of the house now. I pay almost 900 total for bill but can't enjoy my place.
I am currently in a relationship but it is affecting it. She came into the living room while I was being affectionate with my partner. She sat in the chair and turned the TV on. I was so pissed. I ask my mom for privacy sometimes but not granted.
I ask her to do simple things like not to cook at 12pm during 100+ degree weather with the oven. It is killing my electric. She won't clean after herself but will wash her dishes. I feel as if she is using me. How ironic do I have a two bedroom but it was my CPU room and cat room. She has displaced me and my independent living.
I have tried several times to talk to her. I believe in communication but she says well ill just leave now! I say well you have been here for a month I enjoy seeing you since I only did once a year, my choice though. She is trying to get a job. I don't know how long she will live with me she said only 3 months but I don't believe that. I cannot watch my own TV or use my own laptop because she hords both. I am not the kid who yells like I use to. I am trying to justify her living with me saying she was brought here for a reason and life is too short. I really can't deal with it anymore. Nobody comes over either now. She is a cool lady but she needs to leave the house do something with herself. She needs to work and have her own place.
How do I approach the situation because now she bashes my sister to her friends and she has done nothing wrong. Like I said her and my sister is my only family so I am having a hard time. I know she is my mother but she could care a less about ourlives and I know for a fact she is using me!! HELP PLEASE before I go insane. I even had to put the cats litter box in my room and I hate that just for her to have my extra room!

[JudyKayTee]

There are big issues here, too big to be answered and/or solved on a Q&A Board. Perhaps getting a lot of this out helps you.

If you don't want your mother to live with you, tell her exactly that. She is infringing on your life and making you unhappy. I don't know that you have to discuss the past, which is exactly that - the past.

Some of your post is confusing to me. I also paid for my own College eduation (with the help of scholarships). As far as what your mother used your child support for - didn't she put food on the table, shoes on your feet, keep the utilities turned on?

It sounds like you are filled with resentment, some of which is understandable. Family dynamics are very difficult to understand if you are not a member of that family. Your sister's battles appear to be her battles and not yours, unless you choose to become involved. If your mother is as difficult as you describe I would think that anyone who listens to her criticize anyone takes her comments with a grain of salt - or less than a grain of salt.

I think you need to speak to someone to get it all out (if for no other reason) or this relationship is going to taint your entire life. You know that people with very difficult, abusive childhoods move above their backgrounds and go on to lead happy lives. You need to find a way to do that.

[orangestang30]

You know I def understand what you are saying and it does help to get it out. I do need to talk to someone about it so I can move forward. There is def a lot going on in the post but def more to the story. Thanks so much it just helps to hear what other people say.

[JudyKayTee]

It's a painful choice but sometimes the best thing you can do to move forward is to cut difficult people out of your life, no matter what the blood line is.

[Wondergirl]

Would you be willing to find and go to a counselor? Like Judy said, you need to vent to someone who's unbiased. Also, the counselor would help you set goals and find ways to meet them, plus set boundaries. The fact that your mother drove up to your house unannounced with a UHaul and promptly moved in tells me you are too nice (i.e. easygoing, a pushover). Yes, she's your mom, but again, like Judy indicated, even your own family (especially your own family!) needs to know what your limits are and to respect you when you say no.

So what about the counselor?