[smoph89]

My parents have been married for nearly 26 years, but my dad has recently told me that about a month ago he told my mum he went to a works meeting, but in fact it was cancelled and he ended up going to dinner with a female colleague.

My mum is now aware of this as she came across a receipt and my dad confessed.

My Dad told me that he is friends with his colleague, they both have a similar sort of humour, and enjoy each other's company. Dad feels he does not have to be so careful about what he says to his colleague when compared to what he talks about with my Mum. Dad often feels like he has to tip toe around things, and Mum can easily get on the defensive towards him for saying v.little. I have equally found the same with my Mum, and she can easily take things the wrong way, and 'stress out' quickly.

My Dad's colleague is also married and has been for a while, but her husband suffers from depression and so it is likely things are a struggle for her at home. Obviously I'm not aware if she sees my dad as a friend and light relief from her husband, or someone she would like to use as a escape route from her husband.

The difficulty now is that from what my Dad has told me, I do not feel he has done anything wrong. Sure, he shouldn't have lied to my mum, but he did so because he knew she would react in a jelous manner. My Dad has told me he and his colleague are friends, and I trust that is what they are. So far as I'm concerned my Dad has been out for dinner with a friend, surely it shouldn't make a difference that she is of the opposite sex. We are now in an age when opposite sexes often spend time together being little more than friends.

My mum however has stated she is 'heart broken' and 'can never trust him again'. I have told both parents I will not be taking sides, but as I haven't turned round and basically had a go at my dad to my mum she believes I am taken his side.

My mum is now constantly making stupid and inappropriate comments referring to what has happened, which makes things awkward in the family, and of course with my dad.

I think from what has happened, my dad hasn't done anything majorly wrong (apart from the lying) and think my mum should think a little bit more into why he needed a friend to escape to, and why he couldn't tell my mum about it.

Does this make sense, or am I being unsypathetic to my mum and should be more disapproving to what my Dad has done?

[JudyKayTee]

I don't understand why both parents are involving you in this private issue. It is not your "job" to approve or disapprove.

Your father lied to your mother. There must have been a reason.

Ask him what it was.

[Cat1864]

If you don't mind, how old are you and have your parents always involved you in their problems?

It seems to me that you have taken sides whether you admit to yourself or not. You seem to understand and sympathize with why your dad lied to your mother and seem to be saying that she brought it on herself. Is that really how you feel? In a general sense, think about how it would feel if your partner told you a lie and then pretty much made you the reason they told it.

I think it is time for you to back up and tell both of them to get a counselor because you are tired of both of them trying to put you in the middle. Stop making excuses for your father. He lied let him get himself out of it. If it was innocent, great. Your mother is the one he should be convincing. Do Not allow them to try to use you as a weapon or wedge against the other person. Stop listening to them and tell them to change the subject or you will be back later.

Sometimes, it's hard being the child when the people who are supposed to be older and wiser don't act like it. Make it easier on yourself and set some boundaries.

Good luck.

[jackeve]

You have no business in your parents affair and I would advice you to let them know that you excluded from their affairs. Your father is a liar to you and to your mum. Yes he may have reasons to run to his colleague but definitely has no right to include you in it the best person for him to talk to was your mum. He is not solving the problem at all but he is rather worsening it. Your mum is right, it starts as friendship and crops out to something else. Next time your dad comes to you tell him to talk your mum and tell them same to your mum and NOT you. Wish you best for your parents.