[teratron]

I have been with my partner for about 3 years now. Over the last 12 months maybe longer his sex drive has changed dramatically. He says he has a high sex drive and he used to involve me in this - now it seems all he is interested in is watching TV drinking beer, playing playstation. There is no sexual inititation from him towards me at all.

It has gotten to the point where it has shattered any sexual confidence I had and I am scared of inititiating sex in case he rejects me. He works long hours I understand he needs time to recouperate. But even now on our days off together I will be lucky to have sex. The distance between times is getting further and further apart and I have just found out I am pregnant. Im about 12 weeks and really really afraid this is going to not only get worse but rip us apart. HE is happy about the pregnancy and we are making plans towards it and everything on the outside to people looks fine and happy. But I feel this is a serious issue that is not being addressed or changing.

I have had some issues with the amount and types of porn he watches almost on a daily basis. Previously I caught him in the bathroom at 3am in the morning pants down looking at it. HE has constantly lied to me about it, even though I have point blank found evidence on his computer to prove otherwise. This also destroyed myself esteem.

I have tried everything. He will not communicate with me about it. And if he does, I get a hug, kiss and big BRUSH Off him saying he will try harder, it will get better but then, surprise it stays exactly the same.

He is sweet, very affectionate with me and tells me he loves me all the time. We get on well but Im starting to feel like we are two very close friends that love each other a lot. I adore him and so want this to work out but Im so so scared now, more than ever beause of the baby and If it something doesn't change I may end up being a single mum - I feel really trapped and helpless. I have tried tried to let it go, forget about it but it just doesn't feel right and I know I am doing myself a huge dis-service as accommodating him makes me feel angry, resentlful and drags me down into a negative spiral.

It winds me up to the point where I can no longer contain my emotions and I end up yelling at him or being angry and then I feel like Im the crazy one.

I have suggested counseling (For his porn use) in the past - he said he would go but didn't. I have also suggested counseling for us, once again he agrees but is uninterested.

There are so many things I love about this man and I can see him being a fantastic father - he just doesn't take this seriously and I am really worried for my future. I feel I could be making a very big mistake.

Guys - if you have any advise or been in a similar situation please let me know what you did and the outcome or anything online that might help :-(

[Wondergirl]

First of all, the porn has nothing to do with his love and attraction for you. You are the turkey dinner in his life that needs lots of preparation and attention to make it delicious. Masturbation is an easy and quick fix -- let's call it a ham sandwich.

Now how do you get him to be interested in spending the time and energy to put together that turkey dinner which you know he will enjoy and rave about once it's on the table?

I suggest YOU go for counseling, all by yourself. If he wants to tag along for a session or two, or if the counselor invites him, so be it. But the counseling is for you, to help you understand that quickie ham sandwiches are okay and fairly satisfying, but will also help you figure out how to get him involved in cooking that fantastic turkey dinner with you.

[teratron]

Thanks for your comments wondergirl.