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Tracy012 · Jan 8, 2009, 12:41 AM

I have been talking to this guy for over a year now. We've never really officially put a title on our relationship but we both want to be together. The problem is he has a child and the child's mother, although they're separated, wants to be in his life and consume his time. On holidays she expects that they will spend them together and I feel like a mistress in a married man's life and I'm only 18 and he's 20 and isn't married. I feel like ill never be able to spend time and special occasions with him because she'll try ro be there and this is stopping me from moving on in the relationship with him and I really like him how do I tell him about how I feel?? I am a generally shy person.
Thanks
Tracy012 :confused:

Starbucks21 · Jan 8, 2009, 12:45 AM

Yes that's exactly what you do... You need to talk to him. Tell him you feel like his mistress more than his girl. Tell him you need him on holiday's too.

But be understanding. It is his child. Maybe the best you can do is spilt holidays.

starbuck8 · Jan 8, 2009, 01:13 AM

You've been "talking" to him for the last year, and you've never "officially" put a "title" on your relationship? That means you don't have a relationship! There is no foundation for one. He still hasn't left the last one yet, no matter what he tells you.

Don't blame this on his baby's mother. She is NOT to blame for this at all. She is not consuming his time, he is there because he wants to be, and his baby deserves his time. If he didn't want to be there for his child, I would be more concerned. This isn't all about you, and I mean that in all honesty.

Don't get involved with anyone that hasn't yet resolved a prior relationship. If he didn't want to be there, he simply wouldn't. It's really easy to blame someone else for the discomfort it's causing you, but this is not the ex's fault.

Your friend has responsibilities now. He made a baby, and you shouldn't be standing in the way of him seeing his child. In fact, if you truly cared for him, you would encourage him to spend holidays and time with his baby.

If you make this about you, you will be the next girl he will be calling his ex.

Good luck! :)

talaniman · Jan 8, 2009, 02:13 PM

You're a friend with benefits?? Does that title fit? That would explain why you feel like a mistress, because you are.

Sorry didn't mean to define your relationship (?) for you.

Tracy012 · Jan 9, 2009, 12:55 AM

I'm actually NOT a friend with benefits. No benefits are involved in our friendship. I have no problem with him seeing his child that's what he's supposed to do. It's the fact that she wants to be with him. The baby has nothing to do with the question it's the mother of the child. We've been "talking" for a year yes. He's tried to start an actual boyfriend/girlfriend relationship but I've been skeptable about it and I left for school.

Those last 2 answers are not helpful because I THINK the question was misunderstood and I didn't ask for a relationship definition I KNOW what we are.
THanks though :)