Check out some similar questions!

zachs0029 · May 5, 2011, 12:03 PM

I'm 18 in high school. Me and my girlfriend have been dating for about 18 months. Recently she has been complaining that I'm controlling, and I don't let her be herself. She likes to sneak out, and do bad things. However, I forbid her from doing that.

So just yesterday she broke up with me. We have broken up before, but it was only for a day or two. I love her so much that I am willing to put up with anything. But this time its different. She is so serious, and she doesn't want me anymore. She doesn't want to talk to me, she doesn't want to hangout with me, and she can't tell me if she loves me anymore.

She says there is a chance we may get back together, but for now we are broken up and she isn't promising anything. She wants to be free, and if she so happens to be with another man, or flirt, then its not cheating, and she is single, so she can do what she wants.

I feel though since she can't tell me no, to me asking if she loves me, then I think that her possibly seeing another man still counts as cheating, even though we are broken up.

I just want her to love me again. I miss her so much. I'm depressed. I feel so alone. I have nobody. She wasn't only my girlfriend, but she was my best friend. We were so close, so alike. We loved each other so much. I just want things to go back to normal. I want her to love me, and be loyal to me. I just want to be with her. I love her so much, and I can't do this without her. I'm so alone, and at times I want to kill myself. I need her. What should I do? I need some advice.

Edited/T

kctiger · May 5, 2011, 12:08 PM

Originally Posted by zachs0029

She likes to sneak out and do bad things however, i forbid her from doing that.

Just so you know, for future reference, you don't "forbid" most women from doing anything. It doesn't work like that. I'm surprised you don't know that after 18 years, but best to learn it now, before you start dating women, and not girls.

Elaborate for me. What "bad things" did she want to do which bothered you?

zachs0029 · May 5, 2011, 12:12 PM

Well I didn't forbid her from doing it... I just didn't like it and asked her to stop. Things such as smoking, drinking and sneaking out at night to hangout with friends. Whom were boys.. these things bothered me cause its hard for me to trust her because she once cheated on me. And I don't want it to happen again so I would get mad when she did "bad things" so I made her stop. This was a while ago and things have been going well for about 6 months. Yea we fight sometimes but in the end we would always resolve it. We love each other. We have SO ALIKE. We were so in love and did EVERYTHING together for the past 18 months.

kctiger · May 5, 2011, 12:15 PM

I get what you're saying Zach, but you can't control anyone. If they want to smoke, hang out with others you don't approve of, they are going to do it. You can't stay with someone, say you love them, but then expect them to change. That is conditional love and it is dependent on making someone who you want them to be. It isn't fair to her, or you. It's hard to ever trust someone again after they cheat on you, and as you can see, that crippled your relationship.

I don't think you two have as much in common as you think. She dumped you for being controlling and not letting her be her, which contradicts that entire premise. She clearly wants to be free to do things she likes doing, no matter what anyone else may think.

zachs0029 · May 5, 2011, 12:19 PM

But now that she's gone this time. I told her that I would no longer be like that. I wouldn't be so clingy and controlling. But she doesn't care. She just doesn't want me right now. We have had long long long talks about this stuff in the past. She would always tell me she is so thankful for what I did. She is so happy I got her off that bad path.(the path of her "bad things") she would always tell me that wasn't her and she's happy I did that.. however now.. it seems to be different. She wants to hangout with her girl and boy friends more. And whenever she does I get upset. That also bothers her. I only get upset because with school and work we don't see each other often and I love to spend time with her. I want to whenever we can because I have no one else to go to. So I want to be with the girl I love. But she doesn't feel the same and she wants to hangout with other people. And now that she's dumped me. Its so hard and I don't know what to do.

kctiger · May 5, 2011, 12:22 PM

The only thing you really can do is accept her decision. That's it. She's done and you need to realize that, as awful as it sounds. I'm sorry it hurts, but treat it as a lesson and move on.

Did you graduate high school yet? Are you going to college?

zachs0029 · May 5, 2011, 12:27 PM

We graduate in late June. We were supposed to go to prom together and now I don't know. I can't accept her decision. I just cant. Our love was so strong. It was so passionate. We do have so much in common. We are SO alike. I'm not just saying that.. others noticed it and commented on it. They would say I am the boy version of her. Or vise versa. We are so alike and we had plans of marriage and spending our lives together. I can't let go. I love her so much. I know she loves me too. She's said it to my face just DAYS ago. How much she loves me. She is very moody and I feel that she is an extreme-ist. She gets really mad and she gets really happy. And it can change on a dime. I am hoping she realizes she misses me and she comes back. I want her to so bad. I can't move on. I can't do it. I was with her today. Crying my eyes out. She said she still does care about me so much. She said I can trust her. But when I asked if she loved me. She said. I don't know right now. If she isn't saying no shouldn't that give me some hope? Shouldn't that allow me to hang on. I'm so depressed without her. She was my life. Now in school I sit there. I can't focus. I can't sleep. She's all I think about. I go home at lunch and studyhall all alone without her now. And I sit there and cry. I can't do this. I just want her back.

Jake448 · May 5, 2011, 05:47 PM

Ah man, I can really level with what you said there, I've gone through the same thing a couple years ago and felt exactly the same way. Stopped playing sports, nearly failed out of school, etc. The bottom line is, the more you text her right now, the further you'll push her away. So that's the number one thing here, do NOT do that (same with calling). You did not give a lot of details on why or how this breakup happened, but I will assume that you already discussed with her about trying to fix the problems and that is not possible. If you have not, perhaps that's where you can get started. If you already know that she does not want to work out any problems, don't push it. Accept what happened, be a man and be strong. Recognize where things went wrong and learn for next time. Its not going to get better overnight, but trust me, what seems like the end of the world right now will diminish in importance as weeks and months go on. In the meanwhile, find a new area of focus in your life that's something other than her. Here's a good thread on here with some examples:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/list-things-do-after-breakup-78597.html

mystific · May 5, 2011, 05:53 PM

we have SO ALIKE. We were so in love and did EVERYTHING together for the past 18 months

Well you're not alike as I think you'd like to think you are. If anything you're both worlds apart.

I can't accept her decision.

Tough, you're going to have too. She doesn't apparently want to be with you.

we do have so much in common. We are SO alike

Delusional

I know she loves me too. She's said it to my face just DAYS ago

To

but when I asked if she loved me. She said. I don't know right now.

You're a little obsessed by this girl to whom you have very little in common with and are world's apart from being alike or close.

She doesn't want to be with you.. she wants to have fun and enjoy life and yet all you seemed to do is tell her what she wasn't allowed to do. So really, with your difference of opinion and wanting her to conform to what you'd like.. you actually pushed her away.

Sit and cry all you like zach, I can guarantee when she's sneaking out at night to hang with her friends, she's not crying one tear over you.

zachs0029 · May 6, 2011, 12:36 PM

Edited bad language and personal attack!! Both unacceptable, and against the rules of good conduct on this sight. When you post on a public forum, sometimes you get things you may not want to hear, but they are the opinions of the poster.

Editor/T

mmresd · May 9, 2011, 02:32 PM

You can't accept her decision. Wow, get a grip dude, you don't have a choice. You are a controller, manipulator, and show signs of an abuser. Learn to control yourself before you lose control. You need to chill out, if a female breaks up with you, you dread around for a couple weeks and get over it, life is not gone, you find someone else, someone better! Or is it that you can't even get another girl and because of that reason you use your insecurities to punish this girl who is at a age where the "bad things" are really just experiences?

CONTROL YOURSELF!

Good Luck,
Javi

zachs0029 · Aug 17, 2011, 03:16 PM

So my girlfriend, and I are taking a break. Both of us agreed to it, but it was mostly her choice, its been a week into the break and its really rough for me, I'm still IN LOVE with her, and want her back, I haven't been contacting her, and Ive been giving her the space she asked for.

When we took the break she emailed me later that day confirming this was a break because she didn't feel comfortable labeling this as a "break up" also she stated that we needed this time apart if we were to continue dating in the future. She didn't want to put a time limit on this break, and said she will contact me when she can gather her feelings, and decide if she wants to continue being together or not.

As you can assume, I'm depressed, really miss her, and want her back, this break wasn't just for her, but me as well, and over this past week, I've had a lot of time to think, and I have realized some of my actions are not OK and I am going to stop them. I tended to smother her, and be really clingy, and I've always realized it, but never changed.

Now I have accepted the fact that I am/was like that, and don't plan on being like that anymore. I don't want to contact her telling her I'm ready to talk, and tell her how I have grown, and say everything like, I love you, and miss you, and beg for her back, while yes, that is what I want to do. I can't because I need to give her space. I'm just hoping she comes back to me, we have been dating for the past 20 months, and I don't think I will ever find another girl like her. Please give me advice, experience, anything to help

Merged, and edited/T

vanheart · Aug 17, 2011, 05:14 PM

Sorry to say, but those girlfriend inspired "breaks" are an easy way for her to keep you hanging around.

While she is single.

I suggest going NC & never beg.

Be single yourself & don't forget that you don't NEED a girlfriend to make you happy.

Have fun. Don't wait for her. That's a waste of time.

talaniman · Aug 17, 2011, 08:21 PM

You mean she got back with you from last time, and you did the same thing again?? You are way to carried away and need to focus on building a life without her. For your own good.