[rich1066]

Hi, I'm a bit new to things like this so if I waffle too much I do apologise. Like many thousands on this site my question will not unique or original so thank you to anyone who replies.

I had been dating this girl of 20 years for about 7 months (may age being 24). When we first met it was because we were living together, she and her friends needed a room mate and I ended up living there, our relationship developed very quickly and we both got close very quickly. This was where the first hurdle in my relationship occurred, because we saw each other everyday, it drove her away from me, she did this firstly by going out and brining this bloke home, she was flirting in front of me and was all over him, she was drunk but that's no excuse, nothing happened and I firmly and politely asked the lad to leave as I was going to look after her. She apologised for what she did, about half a month later she broke up with me, this was just before x mas and said that she needed space to think what she wanted. I was upset. After christmas, I tried my utmost to get on with my life, me and my flatmate (my ex included) all went out one night, and I got loads of female attention. After that night she asked to speak to me and we talked about what has happened, we made up and got back together again.

At this point in our relationship we were are most happiest because we were more relaxed with what we both wanted, she had her freedom which she craved whilst being in a loving relationship. What has happened recently is that she has gone abroad on an exchange program for 3 months, we both agreed that make the relationship work as we love each other. Two weeks in to her being away she called me up crying saying that she got really drunk and slept with someone, we talked it over I was so angry but I loved her, I said that I would need time to think about it, as she was asking me to take her back. We skyped a couple of days later and we both said that it wasn't working, but after talking it over with each other, we both realised that we loved each so much and that the thought of losing each was heart breaking. So I said to her, "If you cheat on me again, or tell me that your interested in someone else, I'm not ever going to speak to you again". She understood and agreed with me telling me that she loved me.

So two weeks go by, then she rung me up a couple of days ago saying that she had changed her mind and that she wants to sleep around and that she has met someone in the uni she's at that she finds attractive. As you can imagine I was devastated. She got angry on the phone and hung up and we didn't chat until yesturday, when she skyped me. We chatted and I asked her if she still loves me, she says that she cares about me but she doesn't know what she wants, I explained to her that this will be the last time we speak, she asked why and I explained that I wouldn't speak to her whilst she was in germany or when she gets back, she asked not even as a friend, and I explained that all friendships are based on trust and respect both of which I have lost. She got very upset, but understood.

I know I've been strung along, and I know I've made mistakes by accepting her back. She does have her own baggage and issues about commitment, I'm not making excuses for her as I've had enough. It's strange though, that no matter how much hurt she has caused me, I still have that unexplainable feeling in my body when I think of her. I guess all I want to know is, is it worth trying to get back with her? She told my flatmates (her friends) that she still loves me but she's not sure what she wants (even though she told me that she wasn't sure if she did love me), this made me wonder if she was just trying to not feel like the bad person in front of them or heal her guilt.

I'm sorry I've rambled on and truth be told, I'm at a loss, I've got these letters that I want to send her explaining my feelings, but I know that those will just send mixed messages and I don't want to push her away. I think my heart is telling me that I want back in my life in the future, but my brain is telling me to move on and forget her. Any suggestions on my "issue" (for want of a better word) would be greatly appreciated. Thank you again for any help and knowledge you pass on.

Kind Regards

Rich

[amicon]

Go with your brain-you were strung along and whatever her issues are,she should work through them herself.

Don't be the back up plan-she has already broken your trust and shown you and the relationship you had,no respect.

Go no contact,100%-no calls,email,skype-zilch-nada.

That includes the letters you've written

Sorry for your loss-heal and move on.

[Sumitkumar7266]

In this case you should not go again and do the same mistake again.. I know it's difficult to forget her but tym will heal everything.. Go strictly with No contact.. Your rum mate is her friend so don't even ask about her.. U will be okay.. Go with your brain.. Once the trust is over we should not give second chance and you have already given her second chance.. Trust and honesty is the pillar of any relationship..

[ken007nielsen]

Hey Rich

It's time for no contact, she is using you as a back-up plan like Amicon said. And she's going to continue to do so until she finds something more useful to do. The way she treat's you is horrible, it sounds to me like she doesent care about your feelings one bit, but she doesent want things to be awkward around the two of you. That's why when she messes with your feelings she's either away from you or drunk at the time!

[mystific]

She wants to experience life.

You're young.. it's time you did too. Life, if you're lucky can be spent with one person or you get to test the waters and various fish available until you find 'the one'.

Time to move on and leave her be. Don't let her keep you 'on the hook' and kept at home thinking you've a future when she's out there sampling life. Time to go test those waters for yourself.

[talaniman]

Stick with no contact, and those feelings will get replaced by new ones.

Sorry it didn't work, better luck with the next one.

[rich1066]

I just wanted to firstly thank all of you for your helpful comments. I am still hurt by what she has done to me, I don't hate her as a person because I would be lying to myself. It's only been a few days now since it all happened, I've made no contact with her and I feel much better for it. If anything, I kind of feel relieved that's it's all over and this optimism I've gained has helped with my work. I'm very slowly regaining the confidence I had when I first met her. I don't know if I'm ready to move on to someone else yet, as I think I would be pushing my emotions on them and that wouldn't be fair. I took a few precautions to help with no contact, like removing her as a friend on Facebook, which I still get temptations to look at, but at least I won't be getting updates on what's she's doing. There are a few things of hers that she gave me that I need to give back to her as I really don't want them, but that's something that I'm not bothered with at the moment and I'll cross that bridge when the time comes.

Thank you all again for your support, it much appreciated. Time for me to think about me for once.

[mmresd]

The hurt is normal and completely temporary. I would recommend not to get back with her, notnonly has she cheated on your most likely repeatedly but has taken advantage of your feelings and takes you for granted completely. Why be with someone who treats you like that? Girls like her there are many, and are not worth being your main girl. Keep off her and of what you are looking for look elsewhere because you won't find it with her, she is obviously in party mode. I am sorry for your break up, but it happens. Better now than later. Concentrate on yourself and dot waste though on a girl like her who doesn't really have much value. I concur with no contact.

Good luck,
Javi

[Jimmy78]

Move on it not worth the head-ache.