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    Kev-Cali's Avatar
    Kev-Cali Posts: 33, Reputation: 1
    Junior Member
     
    #1

    Apr 18, 2011, 04:52 PM
    Can I break the NC rules under these circumstances...
    Its interesting to be back on this forum once again for relationship issues in my life, lol, but at the same time it shows how great this forum has been to me , the proof being that I have chosen to come back :)

    SO.. new story... I broke up with my girlfriend of 2 years just last month (36 days ago to be exact). I'm 31 and she's 25... we were seeing each other practically every day, and never got tired of eachother:We felt a strong connection, strong love, and great comfort, amazing. But, if felt like there was always a trust issue going on, the first year I had a hard time trusting her, for good reasons, then the last 6 months it was vice versa, for good reasons too. Maybe this is why we got so addicted to each other feeling like we needed to see each other every day and night.
    However when she had her moments of jealousy or anger, she would really go crazy on me (this happened about 3 times total), throwing things and breaking my valuables, trying to hit me etc. I knew that those acts were unnaceptable and that it would be a problem for my future if I were to stay with her, so I had doubts for a while, but kept it going with positive hopes, I guess. Until finally...

    One late night, I was a bit upset at her and changed plans on her, voluntarily deciding not to go over to her home but instead to go to my home by myself. And I asked her to please not come by. She felt like I was cheating on her and was going home with another girl, supposedly, and so she decided to come by regardless.. I opened the door, she was trying to open by herself, and let her in. To make a long story short, she basically went crazy on me again, throwing my TV from the table and all! I was so upset and felt threatened that I knew that this was the moment to end it for good, and so I did. She realized that It was for real this time, it clicked in her head so she got sad and shortly after I asked her politely to please leave, then she came to her senses and left in peace.


    I was so upset the last month that it was easy to get by, just an occasional thought of her here and there. I know for a fact that she was upset too for how I broke up with her, thanks to friends. Now it feels as thought the storm has settled. I don't care about the material things that she broke, they can be replaced. And I wouldn't even want her to pay for them even though I told her so on the night of the incident. But one part of me obviously still loves her and really wished that at least we could be somewhat in good terms... perhaps to be able to turn a negative into a positive...

    I would love to see her and hopefully be able to talk to her. I don't even know if she would want to, but I havent' tried asking yet.

    Would this be a bad move? Completely unnecessary? Or could it possible be a potentially nice thing where we would have to move on still but at least know that we are cool with each other?

    Just need to clarify things a bit, emotions are surely getting in the way right now...

    Thank you
    Bluerose's Avatar
    Bluerose Posts: 1,521, Reputation: 310
    Ultra Member
     
    #2

    Apr 18, 2011, 05:50 PM

    I donít see any harm in asking her if she would like to have coffee. If she says no then you can finally let go of this and get on with your own life. Nothing worse than keeping asking yourself what ifÖ?
    vanheart's Avatar
    vanheart Posts: 2,806, Reputation: 708
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    #3

    Apr 18, 2011, 08:34 PM
    "I broke up with my girlfriend of 2 years"

    "there was always a trust issue going on"

    "she had her moments of jealousy or anger, she would really go crazy on me"

    "throwing things and breaking my valuables, trying to hit me etc"

    "she basically went crazy on me again"

    "throwing my tv from the table and all!''

    "still love her'" HUH?

    Listen to what you wrote. She's a pyscho & you're her puppy.

    You never broke up. Never went NC.

    Oh, the rules for NC is for good. No exceptions. Does that answer your question?

    Leave her alone.
    grammadidi's Avatar
    grammadidi Posts: 1,182, Reputation: 468
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    #4

    Apr 18, 2011, 09:16 PM

    Sorry, you are tricking yourself into believing you love her... probably because you are lonely. Let it go. Until you do you can't move on. Neither one of you are good for the other. It's time to move on. If you have contact with this woman you get to start all over again. What a waste of both of your lives. This was a volatile, immature, negative relationship. You knew a month ago that it was time to end it for good. You were right.

    You are at a crucial point right now. Don't take a step backwards. Consider it ended. Be kind to yourself and don't you dare take one step towards contacting her!

    Hugs, Didi
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,227, Reputation: 10853
    Expert
     
    #5

    Apr 18, 2011, 10:18 PM

    Dude, when you are lucky enough to escape a lions den, YOU DON'T GO BACK IN!!

    She may regret the break up, but has she changed? Give it thought. Then leave her alone.
    Sumitkumar7266's Avatar
    Sumitkumar7266 Posts: 91, Reputation: 48
    Junior Member
     
    #6

    Apr 18, 2011, 10:46 PM
    When you lose someone then you get the real worth of that.. You have given him the punishment for that and now she is sad.. It's time to go back and ask for the promise that she will not do weird things.. When there is love,there is fight.. Might be she throws your TV,might be she did crazy thing but just think for a while why she did so.. Because you have given him the right to do that.An unknown person will never do this.. She loves you a lot and she is crazy about you.. Feel yourself lucky man because very rarely we get someone who loves us more than anybody in there life.. Give her a chance.. Take some steps now or else you will feel regretted after sometime that why you had not taken the step that time.. I know my advice is different than others because I respect love..
    amicon's Avatar
    amicon Posts: 6,066, Reputation: 1911
    Uber Member
     
    #7

    Apr 19, 2011, 12:02 AM

    You've dodged a bullet,so don't go down that road again.

    Keep moving forward-NC all the way.
    Kev-Cali's Avatar
    Kev-Cali Posts: 33, Reputation: 1
    Junior Member
     
    #8

    Apr 19, 2011, 11:02 AM
    THank you all for the words. NC it shall be.
    Its just such a tough one when you learn that your ex girlfriend, starts messing around with a guy you know is a jerk, only 2 weeks after the breakup, and see pix on that darn Facebook, via other friends in common. It just got to me. I feel bad for her for being the type of person who NEEDS to be with someone always and cannot be alone. I guess that's just the way it goes sometimes. Got to resist the urge to contact her still...
    amicon's Avatar
    amicon Posts: 6,066, Reputation: 1911
    Uber Member
     
    #9

    Apr 19, 2011, 02:33 PM

    Resist on Kev-leave FB alone and don't waste your sympathy on a lost cause.
    grammadidi's Avatar
    grammadidi Posts: 1,182, Reputation: 468
    Ultra Member
     
    #10

    Apr 19, 2011, 07:26 PM

    Keep strong. Delete her from your friends list on FB, your cell phone, your email contact lists and your messenger contacts. That should make it a lot easier. :) Oh, and stay off FB for at least 2 months.

    Hugs, Didi
    vanheart's Avatar
    vanheart Posts: 2,806, Reputation: 708
    Ultra Member
     
    #11

    Apr 19, 2011, 07:35 PM
    There's no reason to ever contact her. For what? More abuse.

    She's out. Press delete.

    Ged rid of the past emails, photos and anything else too.

    Put all that in the dumpster.

    Whoooooo Hooooooo!!

    You'll find someone suited for you. Just be aware & know what it is you want.

    Not this.
    mmresd's Avatar
    mmresd Posts: 2,002, Reputation: 553
    Ultra Member
     
    #12

    Apr 20, 2011, 11:29 AM
    You have gotten out of a bad place and you are thinking about crawling back in there? Not a smart move man, look for someone that benefits you better.

    Good luck,
    Javi
    whatslove's Avatar
    whatslove Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #13

    Apr 21, 2011, 10:40 PM
    O man so I read what you wrote and I can admitt I was that crazy ***** at times in my last relationship but I feel like **** for doing it and making myself look like an *** I'm not her but, I know it is really hard for me to get over my ex it has only been a week but I wish I could have controlled myself more when it came to my emotions and anger! I can't see myself being with some idiot in two weeks either but I definitely don't know what to do my ex tells me its just as hard for him too but he needs his space and he will always be my friend I don't know sometimes young imature women can act crazy but speaking for myself I don't want to be seen for the mistakes that I have made in the past just loved for who I am.
    daveness's Avatar
    daveness Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #14

    Mar 8, 2012, 02:09 PM
    Can you give us an update please? What happened? I also read your post about your previous 5 year relationship. Do you still regret losing that relationship, deep down??

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