[MyOwnFate]

Hey! I'm kind of new here.. I just broke up with my boyfriend a few days ago... I'm 18 and he's 16.. but why do I feel like I had lost? I'll lay down the relationship for you guys and have you decide... please be patient with me this question thingy is going to be long.. lol.. please bear with me.. I need some opinions.I just keep on having doubts within myself and my sis and my mom are telling me otherwise.. First I really cared about him.. I met him 2 years ago at camp.. I thought he was perfect.. he loved the same movies.. music.. games etc.. well anyway after camp we kept in contact for a few months after through e-mail.. we were having small talk.. (he didn't ask me out yet)and he'd text me sometimes.. well.. he kind of started slowing down and not talking to me as much.. so I respected that he just wanted to be friends.. a few months later my grandfather died.. and when I needed him most.. he had my number.. but never called.. he only sent me one e-mail 2 weeks later saying he was sorry for my granfather's passing.. and that was good for me pretty much.. 2 weeks after that.. this guy told me he couldn't talk to me anymore.. I was like "ok...whats the deal?" so I forgot about him.. later I saw him again.. and he acted like nothing ever happened and he was fine.. so I forgave him and liked him again.. we held hands for the first time and he told me he liked me.. after that.. once again.. he didn't talk to me for a few more months.. he claimed he had a "virus" on his comp.. he contacted me again after my mom had gone into the hospital.. we talked for a few weeks then he had asked me out.. I said yes :D lol.. he was the first guy to ever ask me out.. I never realized how bad a long distance relationship can be.. and we had to communicate with texting.. its umm hard to do.. we talked for about a month then he started to act odd.. since he was my best friend pretty mch I opened up to him about a lot of things... I told him about a past crush.. I had on a guy when I was 15 and he was around the same age too.. who had mentally and touched me inapropriately.. I regretted that happening and it took a while to heal.. but after I told my boyfriend he was fine and told me that he would protect me and would never let that happen to me ever.. a few weeks later.. he constantly asked questions about what the guy did to me and every detail.. I told him some things because I just thought he was curious.. untill he started to OBSESS ABOUT IT! If I told him sometthing that happened that he didn't like he'd freak.. I didn't understand.. when he had figured out I had kissed this guy that abused me.. my boyfriend said I broke his heart and that he didn't have my "first" kiss.. He constantly dwelled on it and wouldn't let it go.. He said that he wanted to end his life.. and I would stay up pleading for him to live and to change his mind.. my grades and my homework suffered.. I completely isolated myself from family and friends trying to hide this.. he tried to break up with me a few times but he changed his mind.. he'd get in these funks and say mean things to me that I know he never meant.. finally after he kept on bringing my situation up so many times.. to get him to stop I umm cut myself... several times... and he said he was sorry and that he would never bring it up again.. and soon enough.. it was brought up again.. more hurtful things were said... for example, I playfully was making him jealous by saying a member from his fav band looked hot (even though a few days earlier he said a girl was hot and he had even said that guy from the band I said was hot "jokingly" was hot too.. it made no scense) he once again.. said I broke his heart and I cheated... I felt like I was unfaithful... he even told me the only way to heal him from me kissing that other guy was for him to "kiss" another girl, which he did later on... so he can have someone else as the first... I was unhappy and I was scared I caused him this pain because of my past... and I was scared to leave him because he said if I did he wanted to end his life... He told me that after I told him of my past he started to "see" things and "hear" things which bugged me... he said they were demons and told me that we had to stay together.. because they wanted to end our relationship.. I feared he had a mental problem.. and it was my fault:( after 3 months of dealing with this.. he overdosed and went to the hospital.. he came back he promised to get better... but.. he didn't... he snapped when he asked me if I could move down to his state with him after we get married.. I told him no.. (he said before that he hated his family and that he wanted to move away from them so I don't know why he'd even ask this)... he told me I wasn't dedicated to him and was selfish.. he said terrible things about my father.. because my dad said "absolutely not" to me moving away.. he said my dad ruined our relationship.. so I got mad at him and wanted to break up.. he called me crying and said he wanted to kill himself (he had said that other times before when I wanted break up) so I stayed with him.. well this week he got mad at nothing.. and said it was better if we broke up and saw other people.. he still wants to be friends and he told me that he was pretty sure one of my best friends likes him and he wanted to go after her.. (she said she doesn't like him and I respect her for that because I don't want her to suffer like I did) :( so now its OK for him to like someone else and to break up with me... when he would make me suffer any other time I wanted to break up by putting his life on the line :( even on Facebook he's replying to every post of my best friends.. when I would post things he'd ignor them or put ignorant comments on them =/ this is kind of irrelivant and it may seem like I'm jealous.. I'm not :( its just unfair :( I'm praying and thanking everyday that I'm free.. but something inside me tells me this was all my fault... was it? I just want to know my family is on my side.. I'm mentally damaged from this.. but I hope with family and friends support I can get through this.. thank you for your time.. I hope my question was clear.. thank you for your time :)

[talaniman]

was my boyfriend good enough for me?

No he was not, he was a damaged flawed individual that made the relationship very unhealthy for you, and its good you are out of it, and have family and friends to support you as you heal from this event in your life.

Keep him as far away from you as you can.