[bonestopick]

All threads merged into ONE, and edited


So I typed this huge story of it, but I figure I would rather make it concise. However, if you'd really like to help me out I will attach the full version. If anyone does end up reading the full version, seriously you are awesome.

I'm a 20 year old male, and my 19 year old ex-girlfriend broke up around a month ago. We met a little over a year ago. We began seeing each other in May 2010. Everything picked up over the summer, and the following semester I moved in with her family. Everything was awesome, we were just like best friends being romantic. Around 6, months in (November 2010) we kind of started having some petty arguments. Anyway, December everything went smoothly. January, we had kind of a bigger argument, and finally I called her to talk about it and I accidentally said " can we just end this?" Referring to the argument. She thought I was talking about the relationship. She began to cry immediately and I proceeded to explain myself and apologize. Everything was fine. In the beginning of Feb. I asked her out, she said yes, and even though she didn't like being public about things everyone pretty much knew anyway. Anyway a week after that we made love for her first time. One Monday, two to three weeks later we had a petty argument which led to a discussion about us. She said she didn't want the title and she didn't have enough time for us. I told her that all of that is secondary, and that it just matters about how you feel. I proceeded to ask her the reasoning, and she said she needed to be with her family. Basically, she didn't want to me the real reason. I found out later that it was because I wasn't giving her enough space and I was being a little to emotional, but that's pretty much I've got. I didn't take it very well. Although, I didn't text her that week she contacted me briefly. That Friday we both attended a party, she acted as if everything was fine, and later that night we had crazy sex. I go home for spring break and when I come back she text me, and I ask her to pick me up for school. She comes, and while she is there I try to kiss her and she turns away. I haven't seen her much since then. It's been about 2-3 weeks. She text me here and there, just minimal stuff.

Here are some important factors/questions:

-She was a virgin.
-Her father died in a subtle car accident when she was a freshman in high school.
-We had a significant of miscommunications, but we still got along great.
- She told me I was the most important male figure in her life since her father passed.
-I'm doing my best to get over it, and I'm feeling better. I've been in very limited contact. 85% She'll initiate contact with me even if its just little stuff. But I really did care about this girl. I wouldn't have even had sex with her if I knew this **** was going to happen.

-Do you think she has fear of commitment or letting someone get close due to her father? Or any other issues?
-Could she possibly trying to revert back to how things were, secretly, or is it beyond that point?
-I'm not positive, but she may be on the rebound. I'm not concerned about this though. I know if I saw her or heard about her and a new guy I'd be upset. I know it wouldn't be significant as our time together. I know that your not supposed to do anything, but is there anyway I could use the rebound in a positive manner?
-We've been in limited contact, and I'm aware that in order to actually get back with this girl I must get over her. I know, sounds stupid, but in order to not let my emotions block my logic I am trying as best I can.
-Once, we hangout I will not do anything to make her uncomfortable. One of my buddies suggested just trying to talk to her a little bit more, gradually. Are there any more tips or pointers I should enact?

You don't have to answer all questions, please feel free to add any input, I understand moving on is the easiest path, but call me stubborn, I don't give up that easy. THANK YOU FOR ANY HELP!- yea.. short version.

[talaniman]

I got to say my friend, as long as you are available for her minimal texts, she will never be back. She was just checking and she knows you haven't gotten a life of your own, while she has, and that's a shame really.

People who get dumped but don't want to let go, always find themselves in your dilemma. Not knowing what to do next. Instead of building a life that you enjoy without her, you wait, and think up so many ways to get her back, you dwell on what happen that caused this break up, and all this while she is building a life that makes her happy, and exploring all the opportunities, and options, her freedom brings her. Why would she go backward now? She won't

That's exactly what you should be doing, she has let go, and so should you. Sorry guy, it was a great time, but since its over, you move on, and its not the easiest thing to do, but the hardest. The easiest thing to do is to wait and wonder how to get her back, that takes no effort, but requires you to be stuck in one place with an idea whose day has passed. Get unstuck, and look to a happy future without her.

[bonestopick]

thank you for the advice. Although, I'm doing much better, and reopening myself to constructive activities. I'm done dwelling on the past. I'm trying to focus on the future. I understand were you're coming from and I thank you because it is the truth. But I obviously have some type of value to her if she choose me for her first time.

[Sumitkumar7266]

What we want is the second chance.. Same thing happen with me.. Tha gal I loved so much and she was ready to do anything for me.I did everything and then one day she left me.. U know why because what she wanted was the pure love like a father give to her baby.. everything was okay in starting but after a while I was doing the things what I wanted.she wanted to hold my hand and I wanted to hold something else.I was not doing the things what she expected.. Same way dear you also did the mistake.She wants pure love,no sex at least till she agrees with it and she want from her heart.. If u will get second chance,try to grab that and don't let her go from your life.. Give immense love.. Take care of her.. Don't forget to inform me if you succeeded.. Love is all about giving and not expecting anything.. I learned when my girlfriend is not with me.. If u will win I will think I won.. Take care

[kctiger]

This entire situation sounds like a classic case of something that just didn't work out. I don't see any inclination of her having some deep rooted problem with commitment. I don't see anything but two people who dated, had strong feelings for each other, then gradually one person's heart changed. No intent to simplify your relationship (which may even be a stronger word than what you two had), but that's how I see it.

We had a significant of miscommunications, but we still got along great.

Most relationships will fail miserably because of this. That's just a fact. I don't know how two people could enjoy each other when they constantly suck at communicating.

You don't have to answer all questions, please feel free to add any input, I understand moving on is the best path, but call me stubborn, I don't give up that easy.

We've all said that, with foolish pride, and we've all learned the hard way. There isn't anything left to give up on. Game over.

[kinshu123]

Your still thinking about her so much shows that you still have feelings for her... try patching up with this lady :)

[bonestopick]

kctiger, thanks man. I'm getting over her.. I understand what your saying. I appreciate your realistic view, but I must have had some meaning to her if she choose me to be her first. We didn't suck at communicating we just had some minor issues, however, emotions are powerful things. Do you really think its done for? I mean I'm given her space. I'm just going to wait till she contacts me.

[talaniman]

You may have been the first but that doesn't mean you will be the only, the next, or the last. It sure doesn't mean forever. Let it go. Why tarnish the honor, or sully the memory because you still have feelings that she doesn't have any more?