[kaneda]

Hello.I'd like to share a personal issue I am having with someone I considered my closest friend (at least at some times).
We have a 5 year history, we're both female and 25 now, we are still in college , so that's where we met and that's where we interact the most.
In general our personalities aren't compatible, with have close to no shared hobbies or interests, with the big exception of the subject we both study (even there we differ a lot).
Since she is my friend I always overlooked it when she : cheated on tests, skipped school, insulted our college mates and got us both in a lot of trouble, confronted with just about everyone we study with (over the years) and so on.She has the bad habbit of delivering compliments, featuring somekind of an insult in them, like "I love your hair today, it looked so greasy yesterday", you get what I mean.She also made a habbit out of arguing with me, insulting me and walking away from me in public.Of course I have confronted her about all this, multiple times over the years, she denies her comments being malignant,when we argue she won't stop even for a second to let me say something, she loves hanging up on me when we argue, she denies any bad behavior and so on.
Recently her family went through a lot,and of course we argued, it got the point that she told me "I dont care about you, i dont care abut anything you do, go away" etc.Knowing her family situation I was very patient and understand towards that so we got along better for a few months.
Another thing that bother me is that she is very overbearing and bossy, and since I never give in to it, she does it to another girl from our class, who follows her around when I refuse to do so.She uses her like her safety pillow when she is feeling insecure for any reason and drags her around on her every whim.
You might ask why I have no toher close friend to turn to in my class, well I already gave you the answer : she has alientaed most people and since I am her friend it's a package deal.
Maybe its juvenile for me to complain of this but : if I get something, she immediately want the same, if I start going to the gym - she does the same, if I am dieting - she starts dieting,if I say I am vacationing abroad - she informs me she is going to do it too. I just hate seeing everything I do mirrored by her, it was f lattering years ago, now its just too much.
I have noticed long ago she is toxic and can't own up to her mistakes,can't apologize, doesn't care at all to listen to me(she always interepts me when I am talking about myself or telling a story). We used to share a friendship,but now its just animocity.I get an instand bad mood when I walk into school and think about spending hours around her.
I want to cut all ties, but I want to do it gently.I have stopped respondign much to her calls (if at all),we engage in no activies out of school and I try not to depend for anything on her.I want her to get the messege without turning it into a screaming match in public and tons of text messsages (as she always does) blaming me for everything.
P.S I am not flawless, I am moody, silent and introverted msot of the time - I know I am a lot to handle, however I have always made sure to do right by her.

[martinizing2]

You stated very well and clearly the problems you are having, and have been having in the past.

I always think up front honesty is the way to handle things.
Tell her , in a more gentle manner if possible, exactly the points you have brought up here.

It is better to leave these situations before they reach a point you can't take it and it turns into a huge blow up fight or the like.

When it isn't good it is time to go.

[kaneda]

My honesty so far got me a lot of angry text messages, a lot of screaming, doors slammed and accusations.Like I said, its extremely hard to make a point to her, she refuses to listen.Since I have been silent and sitant I expect she will soon confront me about it and a fight will ensure.I just can't handle all the passive-agressivneness ,that comes from dealing with her.

[martinizing2]

My honesty so far got me a lot of angry text messages, a lot of screaming, doors slammed and accusations.Like I said, its extremely hard to make a point to her, she refuses to listen.Since I have been silent and sitant I expect she will soon confront me about it and a fight will ensure.I just can't handle all the passive-agressivneness ,that comes from dealing with her.

Under those circumstances you would be better off to leave and not deal with this anymore.
I was in a similar situation being accused of things I didn't do and no ability to talk
About it without her blowing up .
Trying to live like that is impossible without going nuts. Constant stress will lead to
Depression and even health issues.

Stop beating your head against the wall and move on.

It shouldn't be hard to find a more compatible partner , it sounds like a wolverine would
Be step up.

[dontknownuthin]

I suggest you have her number blocked on your cell phone, focus on building new friendships - reach out to those people you go to school with who stayed away because of her. Avoid talking about her and if they say anything, like that they don't want to hang out with her, just say, "she won't be there -I ended that friendship" and leave it at that. Do not continue to engage or receive angry messages and remarks from her. If she approaches you just say, "I have to ask you to leave me alone" and leave it at that.

Best wishes - it's hard to do but you cannot cushion the blow for this person and shouldn't because she is looking for that subtle opportunity to twist things around and wiggle her way back into trying to control the situation. You cannot be subtle because she deliberately resists accepting the hint.

[kaneda]

Thank you for the support, everyone. It helped me toughen my decision to end our friendship.
dontknownuthin - I think you are right,she does use *every* opportunity to twist things and deny any responsibility, she has declared to not want to do anythign with me several times and then abruptly came back. I cannot stand that kind of behavior any longer, so its adiu~