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lisa lord · Jan 19, 2009, 11:12 AM

My partner and I have been split up now for 3 years I recently found out he has met someone, and has been taking our daughter to see her, I feel so sick, angry , hurt, why can't I get over him

nike 1 · Jan 19, 2009, 11:19 AM

It's just something you are going to have to deal with. It won't be easy at first, but in time it will be. He has the right to move on with his life and include his daughter within that life. The best advice I can give you is not to despise his new girlfriend. You need to be able to get along with her from the get go. Your daughter will not deserve the immature bickering and arguments. Be an adult about this, and set the example for your daughter. Best wishes!

411Help · Jan 19, 2009, 11:25 AM

Come to realization. It's over. I don't know how you figured out he has met someone knew, but you shouldn't have. Cut all contact with him. What you don't know can't hurt you.

nike 1 · Jan 19, 2009, 11:36 AM

411help, it is going to be a bit difficult for them to have no contact, they have a daughter together! What they need is to learn how to deal with each other respectfully.

Why is it that every time someone asks questions about there ex'es, the only solution some people have is no contact? Are relationships that disposable to people anymore?

411Help · Jan 19, 2009, 12:20 PM

Yes, brief talks between one another about their daughter is not considered breaking no contact. Talks about their personal lives on the other hand is.

Do you really think she will ever be able to get over him if she continues to have these drawn out conversations about their personal lives? How he is having a wonderful time with his new girlfriend?

**Edited**

nike 1 · Jan 19, 2009, 12:53 PM

The best they can do is develop a whole new relationship with each other. And there daughter is caught in the middle of all of this. The sooner she does, the better all around. They need to be adults about this. Yes, the feelings are hard to deal with, but the more exposure they have to resolve them, the faster they will put those feelings in there proper place.
After my wife and I split up, I met some one else rather quickly and fell in love. My ex wife couldn't deal with this so well at first. She tried the immature way of not talking things through with me. It didn't work out in her favor too much as she built up more and more resentment which leaked out to our kids. My kids became so confused and didn't know which way to turn. Once she finally grew up about it and decided to resolve it with me, things got a lot better for her and our kids.

**Edited**

411Help · Jan 19, 2009, 01:21 PM

I didn't say they should not talk amongst one another about their children. What I'm trying to get across is that she won't be able to get over this man and get over her pain if she has a personal relationship with him. How else do you expect her to get over this man? Do you expect her to "slug" through this pain the rest of her life?

It's simply doing too much for her to be "his friend". Yes, they need to be adults and discuss meeting arrangements between the two with the child. But, unnecessary personal talks is UNNECESSARY.

This woman has been through pain for three years, the way it's going now, it will not get any better if she doesn't take action.

I apologize if I offended you, but this is my opinion.

talaniman · Jan 19, 2009, 02:47 PM

Originally Posted by lisa lord

my partner and i have been split up now for 3 years i recently found out he has met someone, and has been taking our daughter to see her, i feel so sick, angry , hurt, why can't i get over him

You probably never thought you would have to, but I think what is really bothering you is your daughter exposed to someone who you see as a replacement. Its not going to happen, and I think over time, you will come to accept these new developments in your life.

I suspect this is the first time he has introduced your daughter, or you to someone he is dating. Or is it his first time dating since the break up??

Donroro80 · Jan 19, 2009, 03:05 PM

Come on people we don't have to get on each other (411help/nike1) we all here has some painful experience. Whenever there is a child involve, there is time you will have to put your emotion to the side.

I'm still in love with my ex and hoping she will come back someday, but I have to talk to her almost daily because of my daughter not because I want to hear her voice. I understand how you feel, but you have to be an adult so you don't make a fool of yourself.
Wish you best

mum2five · Jan 19, 2009, 03:22 PM

Three years is a long time to heal and you should be over your ex and moved on , not doing so is unhealthy.
As for the other women and your daughter scenario tread carefully , perhaps speak to your ex in an adult fashion and ask that perhaps he not introduce your daughter too much at first in case the relationship does not work out.
But at the end of the day I am sure her dad wants what is best for your daughter too.
One day you too will find someone new and your daughter will have to meet him , so do not be too hard on your ex.