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    davidangela94's Avatar
    davidangela94 Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #1

    Mar 22, 2011, 12:13 PM
    My husband is not good in bed?
    My husband was romantic before marriage but now ,not any more.. I don't know why?? He do gets intimate buti have to force him alllooootttttttttt... this gets to my nerves now... I try sooo much to attract him but he doest take any move in bed room!! He only mastubates not sex what I want!! I talked to him about this then he replied that he doent like to get physical... m a verrryyy romantic person but he is v.less... he takes care of me but doent satisfy on bed so I get irritated!! Please help me!!
    CravenMorhead's Avatar
    CravenMorhead Posts: 4,532, Reputation: 1065
    Adult Sexuality Expert
     
    #2

    Mar 22, 2011, 12:30 PM

    Um. How old are you? I only ask because your message sounds like something someone under age would write.
    simoneaugie's Avatar
    simoneaugie Posts: 2,490, Reputation: 438
    Ultra Member
     
    #3

    Mar 22, 2011, 07:03 PM
    Comment on CravenMorhead's post
    ESL is all, I think.
    davidangela94's Avatar
    davidangela94 Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #4

    Mar 24, 2011, 03:48 AM
    I'm 21

    Will any one answer me?!
    Cat1864's Avatar
    Cat1864 Posts: 8,007, Reputation: 3687
    Marriage Expert
     
    #5

    Mar 24, 2011, 05:25 AM

    Let's start with more background on the relationship.

    *How old is your husband?
    *How long did you date before you got married?
    *How long have you been married?
    *How often do you want or expect to have sex?
    *Are there any cultural reasons he seems to have changed his attitude?
    *When you say that he was 'romantic' before marriage, did that include sex?
    *How is the rest of your relationship? Does he show affection in other ways such as kissing or hand holding.
    *Is he stressed out or tired?
    *Does he have any medical issues that could affect his libido?
    *Is there a concern about pregnancy?
    *Do you masturbate or do you expect him to satisfy all of your sexual needs?
    *How do you attempt to tell him what you need in the relationship? Do you listen when he tries to tell you what he needs?


    The first thing I suggest doing is stop 'forcing' him to be intimate. Making someone do something they don't want to do is not a good way to get what you want and could be looked at in an extremely negative way (it sounds very close to rape.)

    If he is feeling forced into something he doesn't want to do, he may just be trying to get it over with instead of being involved in the mutual pleasure that should be a part of love-making.

    A big part of any marriage is learning how to communicate. You should be honest about your needs, but you should also respect his. When discussing your needs with him, try not to let emotions escalate a discussion into an argument or fight.

    You might consider marriage counseling. It might help you and your husband to understand what each other's needs are and to find a compromise.
    Synnen's Avatar
    Synnen Posts: 7,927, Reputation: 2443
    Expert
     
    #6

    Mar 24, 2011, 05:26 AM

    FIRST--No chat speak. Type in complete words and sentences.

    Second--have you thought of a marriage counselor? He is not a physical person, and he's told you so. YOU are basing your happiness and worth on how he desires you. In order to meet in the middle, you're going to need a marriage counselor.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,244, Reputation: 10853
    Expert
     
    #7

    Mar 24, 2011, 10:04 AM

    You both have a lot to learn about bedroom etiquette that starts with how you communicate with each other. I doubt this started after you were married, but since the problems were not resolved then they have grown.

    Either talk to a counselor, or consult older more experienced people personally on how to get on the same page and resolve your issues to the benefit of you both.

    Drop the impatience, your posts reek of it.
    davidangela94's Avatar
    davidangela94 Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #8

    Mar 25, 2011, 02:30 AM
    Then tell me that how should I handle him??
    martinizing2's Avatar
    martinizing2 Posts: 1,868, Reputation: 819
    Expert
     
    #9

    Mar 25, 2011, 02:52 AM
    You don't handle him.


    You find a way to communicate with each other in order to find ways to settle your problems.

    Nobody should be handled , the problems are the ones to be handled .

    You may be intimidating him from what I gather about you from your input.
    You seem "driven" to achieve what you want and you are not good at waiting and your impatience is easy to spot .

    If you would answer the questions put to you by Cat it would help everyone get a better understanding and that leads to better ideas and advice.

    So get on it! We want answers from you woman! :mad:
    Damn... how long will this take?
    (this is somewhat the attitude you portray to others, me anyway) ;) No offence just passing along the info.
    And waiting for some answers.:D
    Cat1864's Avatar
    Cat1864 Posts: 8,007, Reputation: 3687
    Marriage Expert
     
    #10

    Mar 25, 2011, 06:05 AM

    I understand that you are frustrated with the situation and, probably, him. It may seem difficult right now, but you need to handle the frustration and keep it from causing impatience which will only make matters worse.

    You and your husband need to work together as partners to find a compromise that works for both of you. Compromise takes communication. To effectively communicate, you need to be able to control your emotions and thoughts. Being in control of yourself will help you to explain your needs and will help you keep an open mind to listen to his needs. Impatience, frustration, irritation, etc. are like fog clouding your mind and keeping you from seeing the issues and possible solutions clearly.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,244, Reputation: 10853
    Expert
     
    #11

    Mar 25, 2011, 08:10 AM

    Problems in the bedroom are usually a symptom, or a sign that there are problems in other areas of the marriage that need addressing. The challenge is to identify, and work to resolve those problems through honest, CALM communications.

    That's why its important to answer the questions that were asked of you, because these are facts that can lead to better informed advice.

    *How old is your husband?
    *How long did you date before you got married?
    *How long have you been married?
    *How often do you want or expect to have sex?
    *Are there any cultural reasons why he seems to have changed his attitude?
    *When you say that he was 'romantic' before marriage, did that include sex?
    *How is the rest of your relationship? Does he show affection in other ways such as kissing or hand holding.
    *Is he stressed out or tired?
    *Does he have any medical issues that could affect his libido?
    *Is there a concern about pregnancy?
    *Do you masturbate or do you expect him to satisfy all of your sexual needs?
    *How do you attempt to tell him what you need in the relationship? Do you listen when he tries to tell you what he needs?

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