[cookie599]

Me and my husband are in are early 20's and we only have sex 3times a month and when we do have sex he dose not last.this is been going on over a year and I don't know what to do.

[Jake2008]

Has it always been that way, or is this a more recent problem.

Considering his age, he should get a complete physical, and rule out any medical problems that could be causing this.

Anything else is a guess as to what could be wrong.

[truck 41]

At your age you should be a lot more active than that,at least three times a week. Seems he's not getting it often enough so when he does he's ready to climax.

[Fr_Chuck]

There is of course no "number" of times a month, what is right for you. I will say being over 50, personally I do a lot more than that myself, but each couple has their own time.

First has he went to a doctor for a complete physcial

[LJDK]

Fact : Not enough sex causes him to climax too soon.

If you want him to last longer, you will have to have more sex. 3 times a month?

He is just not getting enough. If you don't want it more than 3 times a months, considering getting penis numbing cream.

[J_9]

What do you consider lasting? 5 minutes or an hour? This will help us answer your question better.

[Cat1864]

There are a lot background details and definitions that are missing from this question.

1. How long have you been married?
2. What is your definition of 'not lasting'?
3. Did this problem occur before you got married?
4. Has it occurred for your entire married life? (Was there ever a time time that he 'lasted longer'?)
5. Do you have children?
6. Do you live on your own or with in-laws, house mates, etc.
7. Does he have any health issues?
8. Do you spend a lot of time on foreplay? When you do have sex is there a long time spent on 'getting ready' mentally as well as physically?
9. Have you talked with him about what might be causing the 'problem'? Does he think that there is a problem?

As has been stated, there is no set number of times a couple can or should have sex in a given time. How long it lasts is also subjective to the couple involved.

[cookie599]

Me and my husband have been married about 3 years.We have 2 samll boys.A 2year old and a 8mth old.We live on are own in a 1 bed room apparment.Are love life was not all ways bad. Be for my 1st son we hade a GREAT love life. But after my son it went down hill. I knew it was not going to be the same after we had the baby but it just got worse ans worse. And now we don't even have sex to often. We are all ways fiting about it.He tells me why do we need to have sex all the time. He's to tiered.And when we do have sex thers no forplay and he only last about 3-5 minutes.He all ways tells me the same thing sorry babe ill get you next time. Next time never comes. I talk to him about it and all he say is sorry. THis is been going on for about 1 1/2 years. I don't know what to do any more. I don't want to leave my husband over are sex life.

[cookie599]

:(

Me and my husband have been married about 3 years.We have 2 samll boys.A 2year old and a 8mth old.We live on are own in a 1 bed room apparment.Are love life was not all ways bad. Be for my 1st son we hade a GREAT love life. but after my son it went down hill. I knew it was not going to be the same after we had the baby but it just got worse ans worse. And now we dont even have sex to often. We are all ways fiting about it.He tells me why do we need to have sex all the time. He's to tiered.And when we do have sex thers no forplay and he only last about 3-5 mins.He all ways tells me the same thing sorry babe ill get you next time. Next time never comes. I talk to him about it and all he say is sorry. THis is been going on for about 1 1/2 years. I dont know what to do any more. I dont want to leave my husband over are sex life.

:( :confused:

[Jake2008]

Are the 2 year old and 8 month old in the same bedroom as you and your husband?

That might be part of the problem right there. You need private space to do adult things without kids in the room.

One and a half years is a long time to go without meaningful, mutually satisfying sex.

If he is apologizing, he too realizes that there is a problem unless he is an incredibly selfish man, which I doubt.

I suspect that he has a lot going on that contributes to this. Privacy for one, the effects of fatigue for another, plus whatever else he is feeling- which includes pressure from you.

If it is possible, see if you can't just back off completely for a while and take away the pressure for him to 'perform'. When it is appropriate, try to get him in to see the Doctor and rule out any physical problems that might be causing or contributing to this.

Maybe it is time to move to a bigger apartment too?

[Synnen]

And when was the last time you two had a weekend to yourselves, no kids, no chores?

When have you MADE time for sex--the kind of sex that starts with going to lunch together, and having a meaningful conversation (one NOT about bills or kids or responsibilities)?

Maybe he IS tired--kids are exhausting!

Take a Friday off, pawn the kids off on gramma for the weekend, and clean house while he's still at work. Then make a nice meal, rent a good movie, and just get in touch with each other again.

Do this at LEAST once a month. At least, have a date night that doesn't involve kids or responsibilities.

A regular 'date night' will help you connect with each other romantically again--when you're not torn between roles of provider/mommy/daddy/cleaner/scrubber/whatever.

It takes WORK to continue to see each other as Woman/man/lover.

[cookie599]

Well its hard for us to do any thing because we don't have siters. My mom is very sick. And his mom has a lot on her plate.But in going to try this date night. Ill try any thing to save my marrige. I love my husband very much he is a good man.WELL THANK YOU VERY MUCH thank you for your help. :D

[cookie599]

I know that he is all ways so tierd and stress out about a lot but so am I. Its just when I want to have sex he all ways tierd but when he wantsn to even if it's 3-4-5 in the morning we have sex if he wants to. But I am going to back off liker you said and give him his time or space.Now that I think about it I may have been to pushy but its only because I fill so lonely and un-loved. Its been over 1 1/2 years sicen I had any passion or even orgasm. But ill going to try to just give him space and see what happens. Thanks for your help:o

[dadtosix]

Maybe the problem lies with kids in the room he might feel he has to be quick so not to wake the kids.are you having too much foreplay he might be far to aroused to last long relax enjoy each others bodys explore each other again try a penis ring but I think it comes down to nerves have sex in a relaxed environment candles etc hope this helps

[cookie599]

Well may be it is the baby's sharing a room with us. I have tried the ring but it makes him finish faster. We have tried toy's but they don't help him last longer. I'm wondering if there a pill that works.:o

[Synnen]

No, there's not really a pill that will help.

Getting the baby out of the bedroom will help.

Getting time alone will help.

Taking your time overall will help.

Making him give you yours BEFORE he gets his will help.

Most of all, though--TALKING to him about what would help him feel more in the mood would help.

[J_9]

Okay, the baby in the room. I see this as a big issue. You need to get the baby out of the room so that you and your husband have some alone time.

Sex therapists recommend that pictures of your children should not even be placed in your bedroom, much less the child itself.