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boofle20 · Mar 19, 2011, 09:29 AM

We have been dating for the past 6 years... this is the seventh year... we never lived together but when we first met.. he couldn't keep his hands off me.. love life was perfect.. used to go away a lot.. enjoyed country and city breaks as we both are professionals. He lives 200 miles away from me for all the 6 years.. we made plans to meet every 6 weeks.. I am not saying our relationship was always perfect.. we have heated arguments as we both are independent people and we know what we want in life... but everything went wrong 2 years ago.. suddenly he wouldn't touch me after seeing each other after 3 months at a time.. he will spend time watching TV, playing games, anything else apart from making love or even touching me... Then after a year ago he told me is can't perform in bed... I was understanding. I made sure I didn't put pressure and hope he will get help and hopefully this is a phase as he said.. it will pass... I feel very lonely.. after loving someone for 6 years.. he feels completely a different person.. I have asked him to get an appointment to seek medical help.. he refused.. ' sex isn't everything' I agree.. we lived far away.. met only 3 to 4 months at a time.. at least you need a b/f who will touch you.. show his love.. he would rather watch TV till late.. or do his work..

Recently.. he left the country to work in Asia.. but he believes we will get married soon. I strongly believe he is gay... but I am not sure.. I am very lonely...

adviceishere · Mar 19, 2011, 09:39 AM

You have absolutely no proof this guy is gay, just because a man doesn't want to touch you or have sex with you doesn't automatically mean he's gay... have you maybe considered he's just not attracted to you? Or your relationship has run its course? Or on a more serious note is he on medication? Or depressed, there's loads of reasons that could be affecting his preformance other than being gay. I really doubt he is. You need to have a talk with him and if he is not willing to address the issue then you have some tough decisions to make :O

boofle20 · Mar 19, 2011, 09:49 AM

You are right.. I have no proof he is.. I have asked him once and he did say he isn't.. may be you are right.. may be he isn't attracted to me anymore..

adviceishere · Mar 19, 2011, 09:56 AM

Originally Posted by boofle20

You are right.. i have no proof he is.. i have asked him once and he did say he isnt.. may be you are right.. may be he isnt attracted to me anymore..

No I am definelty not nesscessarily right either so please don't take my word for it.. there could be loads of reasons, you just need to get to the bottom of this, its clearly making you unhappy, and even if he wasn't attracted to you anymore don't let that ruin yourself esteem, there will be other people very much attracted to you,

Just sit him down and talk it through... its very important you both communicate especailly if you don't see each other as often as other couples.

amicon · Mar 19, 2011, 10:05 AM

He really needs to see a doctor.

There could be all sorts of conditions and treatable one at that.

Also,a serious discussion about where this relationship is going is much needed.

Seven years and you're still dating?

boofle20 · Mar 19, 2011, 10:12 AM

True.. seven years is a long time.. and he left recently to work in a different country... he is doing everything for me to visit him very soon.. we talk everyday.. general stuff.. its more like friendship.. no lovey dovey talks.. only brief discussion of the day... that's it.. so may be its time for me to have a serious conversation.. I miss him a lot.. I know he does too.. but the lack of affection in the relationship is killing me.. :(

talaniman · Mar 19, 2011, 03:08 PM

I doubt if he is gay, just bored of this going no where fast relationship. Like a long distance friends with benefits type thing.

If this guy is gay, he has been for longer than 6/7 years, and you would have known it long ago, if you were paying close enough attention.

The problem as I see it is neither of you has a plan for going any further than where you are so what's the point?

Talk, and find out what the point is.

boofle20 · Mar 19, 2011, 04:09 PM

I suspected he is gay for a long time now... but I can't prove it... or do I want to prove it.. I don't want to hurt him by asking silly questions where I have no proof... but my gut feelings says he is... I really don't know... what to do.. if we do have a serious talk.. I might lose him for ever... why is love so hard... :(

talaniman · Mar 19, 2011, 04:15 PM

You don't have him now, so at least get some facts, so you know what, and why you are holding on. I mean where is this going that it has been in 7 years? What do you want out of this?

boofle20 · Mar 19, 2011, 04:34 PM

I have no answers.. but I definitely hear what you are saying.. I should be asking these questions to myself... I am finding the distance so hard...

amicon · Mar 19, 2011, 11:47 PM

I think you need to really ask yourself what YOU want.

A guy you possibly see once every six weeks?

For the rest of your life?

Sorry,but I think you're in a non-relationship,no real comittment ,no pland for a common future-and no sex.

boofle20 · Mar 20, 2011, 01:59 AM

hmm.. thank you all.. I really appreciate your input and your perspective on this... x