[bkrazy2sweet]

I am feeling slightly emotional at the moment. It's been 6 months since my ex and I broke up. Actually she and I were not officiall yet we dated for about 7 months. Not long I know. Yet I was head over heals for her. We were often non-official, but exclusive. Most of her friends and family did not know we were together and that was hard for me but I let that go. WE did not communicate about our non-official relationship very often and would hurt each other quite often, by dating other people and she was not OK with me smoking pot. For that duration of 7 months I hardly ever smoked pot, but if I smoked it once it would cause us problems and I was so scared she would leave so I did my best to stay completely sober (no drinking etc.) It was a hard relationship in some ways but when we were together it was quite rewarding, but the best part about it was our friendship. I have never in my life felt so safe telling someone about all of me, and she would tell me so much about herself. I guess that is what I am missing, our friendship. I do not believe I will ever have a friendship like that again and I often spend so much time blaming and beating myself up for losing her.. as a friend.

You see towards the end of our relationship it was if we were not together, we would hang out and not kiss. We seemed to be just friends and it seemed as if we were ending, so I started to hang out with another girl... I'll call her Tina. Tina liked me a ton, yet I was not sure if we could be together due to all the complications in my life. At first my ex was very supportive of me dating TIna, saying she just needed to meet Tina because she wanted to be sure she treated me right. But my ex and I had plans to go to a concert in two weeks from then and all of a sudden she was saying that she couldn't go and that she was going to start dating other people. I realized I was far from over her and told TIna I could not date her, but Tina did not take it well. After I called things off with Tina, my ex came to the concert and then we slept together. After we made love she told me that it had to be over for good and that she was going to date other people. It was a mess and I was so hurt. I did not know what to do and TIna was texting me all hurt. I feel so stupid but a week after the concert I started hanging out with Tina again. My ex was out of town and did not have service, my phone was shut off, but when she got back in town she was trying to see me yet I was at Tina's house with my phone turned off. When I got home and heard my messages I called her and was honest that I was at Tina's house. She was so hurt she called me names hung up on me, sent me several emails with stabbing remarks saying that I was an awful person and it tore me to pieces yet her mean comments seemed to drive me closer to Tina. I feel awful yet I felt like it was unfair how my ex could date others but I could not.

It has been 6 months now and I can not forgive myself. I am now official with Tina and we live together, I care about her deeply yet I can't forgive myself for hurting my ex. I can see now how I should've done things differently. How I shouldn't have moved on so fast, how my ex should've communicated more. But I know it's too late and I can't hurt Tina the way I hurt my ex. I just wish my ex and I could be friends, I cannot forgive myself and I can't seem to get over that.

I saw my ex once after I started seeing Tina, it was hard and she told me to never contact her again. I sometimes feel that is unfair. She always told me to promise her never to leave her as a friend no matter what happens as lovers.. but yet she wants nothing to do with me. I can't blame her but at the same time what do I do? WHat do I do to forgive myself? TO find resolution and do you think she and I will ever be friends again? I can't handle this sometimes. Sometimes I wish I could go back in time. I know it's been a long time since.. 6 months and I should just get over it, but my feelings and regret seem to slip back time and time again.

I apologize for the long entry, I suppose I just have not been able to talk about it much. Tina would not be happy with that. I do not want to hurt her I just want to feel OK with the past.

Thank You

[friend4u178]

Stop blaming yourself and get on with your life , let your Ex stew for how ever long it may take and in time you both may be able to be friends.

But most importantly don't miss the lesson in all this.

Good Luck!

[talaniman]

You two were only playing at a relationship any way. It sounds more like friends than lovers, and there was no real commitment.

You tried it didn't work, and now be done with the past, and honestly, don't use the new g/f as a rebound. That's not fair either, just as your ex wasn't fair with you.

Maybe you cannot change the past, but you have control over what you do now, so think about it.