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Anonymous4686 · Mar 9, 2011, 09:30 PM

I am ending a five relationship with a great guy, who I care for very much. On the one hand we have a wonderful relationship and are best friends, on the other there is very little romance or passion. It's not that things have gone stale, it's that it seems like he's lost confidence and a sense of who he is. He looks to me to be the active, driving force - in everything! He says that so much of who he is is because of me, and he doesn't initiate sex because he thinks I don't want to sleep with him. In his eyes I can do no wrong, he never says no or challenges me. I told him that I slept with someone else and he didn't get angry! He was upset, forgave me and blamed himself.

Am I making the right decision in ending things? I feel like a relationship should be one of two equals, give and take, and I am completely in control of this one, in a way that is unhealthy for both of us.

I am 25 he is 26, we've been together since college and this is the first substantial, long term relationship for both of us. I know he expected that we were going to get married.

Any advice would be a great help in this confusing time, thanks

ayanami26 · Mar 9, 2011, 11:45 PM

Did you try talking to him about it. You have to have peace and quiet in the room and talk to him about. Know what he really thinks about the things that have been going on in the relationship.

amicon · Mar 10, 2011, 12:57 AM

He could be depressed,has he seen his doctor?

As for breaking up,only you can decide whether you've made the right decision,though from the way you tell it,your relationship didn't seem very healthy.

jmooney527 · Mar 10, 2011, 08:09 AM

It appears his self respect is gone, and you've lost respect for him as well. You can try to cut and run, or do the "space" thing for a bit and see if he picks himself back up... regardless it's not your job to make someone have some self confidence. He needs to do it on his own and without a crutch, such as a relationship.

You seem like you'll be fine from the get-go, but he will probably be a mess. Try not to feel guilty, and realize that it's better for HIM as well. Since he is your best friend, you want him to be healthy and happy as well.

talaniman · Mar 10, 2011, 10:03 PM

Insist he see a doctor, and go with him, he sounds like he needs help.