[jea68]

My abusive fiancé (X now)is in jail for domestic violence (on me)... This happened on January 4, 2011 and I have been all alone recovering from the beating and the broke foot he gave me. Even though I feel better that I am not constantly walking on eggshells and that he cannot abuse me in any way,, I am so depressed and can't stop crying. Everything seems to be wrong in my life. I didn't do anything to provoke him; just asked him if he would take me to the doctor and he freaked out. Now I see that I keep making the same mistake in picking a man, but I don't know how to change who I become attracted to. Of course in the beginning he seemed kind and like a good man, but that always changes after about a year. I tried to be a good wife and do everything a woman should do for a man, and then some. Am I just rushing into relationships?? Why am I so sad and why do I still miss him even though he was so bad for me?

[amicon]

You are still suffering the after effects of having been abused.

It takes time to work through all the issues that need sorting out once the actual abuser is off the scene and I suggest you seek professional help-maybe see a therapist?

Instead of jumping into a relationship with a partner,work on building a good relationship with yourself-learn to love,accept and appreciate who you are.

Abusers are cowards who use violence to control people.
They alone are responsible for the pain and damage they cause.

Don't blame yourself-you were not in the wrong.

All the best of luck.

[redhed35]

As funny as it sounds it can be hard to adjust to normal life after being in a abusive relationship.

The physical habits that were formed during the abuse are hard to shake off, example, jumping when the doorbelll rings, loud noises,someone shouting, your body goes into defense/panic mode,you may also find yourself desentised to violence,things other people would be horrified by you don't bat an eyelid.

But that will change as you become more accustomed to normal life.

You need to heal, every part of your being needs to recover and that takes time.

Counselling will really help you deal with the trauma and memories that will surface from time to time and also help you learn about yourself.

In time you will be ready to date again,this may take a year or two before your ready.

Make a promise to yourself that you will do everything you can to heal, and never again will you let someone abuse you.

As hard as it is to believe now, you will get stronger,and braver then you ever thought you could imagine.

[talaniman]

You thought he was someone to build with, but now you no he is not. That's disappointing enough to depress anyone, and I think any good caring human would be hurt very badly emotionally, mentally, as well as physically.

But you are free from his abuse, and with help, guidance and time, you will heal and be strong enough to find your happiness, NO DOUBT.