[DDub04]

So my girlfriend recently broke up with me about a week ago seemingly out of nowhere. We had been arguing and bickering over the past two weeks but it didn't seem to affect me as much as it did her. She never really talked to me about it or mentioned that these things were affecting me and I've been very busy with school with 5 courses in my senior year. To me, her support was great and I didn't take the bickering too seriously. However, my situation is slightly complicated. We had been dating for a year and almost 4 months, and about 2 months into our relationship I was diagnosed with transverse myelitis, a neurological autoimmune disorder that hit me out of nowhere and severely affected my life. I lost sensations in my left side and lost balance, along with ability to fully use my right hand anywhere near the way I used to.

I used to be a volleyball/ basketball player and was shooting for a big scholarship heading into my final year in high school. I loved sports, and this girl had been with me through this entire process up until just a week ago. My father was diagnosed with lung cancer 2 months after my incident and we have been fighting a tough battle in my family in the past year and a bit. However, she supported me and loved me more than ever and everything seemed so perfect up until recently when this happened. I don't know what to do but I want her back, and I'm not one to come onto the internet asking for help but I am fighting for her and trying everything.

Before our breakup she came over the day before and we had an emotional conversation and talked about how we couldn't argue anymore and we decided that we wouldn't. I noticed she wanted to hang out with her friends more and enjoyed that and sometimes I wasn't very supporting or I wouldn't always want to come when she wanted me to because I didn't feel very close with some of the guys and in the end I wanted to have time to spend with her as well. I regretted not being more open and since this has happened I've felt like I need everyone more than ever, especially her. We ended off last Saturday on a good note, all lovey dovey and kissing, acting the same way we have for the longest time and the next day she gave me one word replies the entire day up until when I called her later in the night and we talked for 3 and a half hours.

We still talked in school the first day after and we joked around without any awkwardness or any of that in our way. However, I tried texting her 3 days after (Last wednesday) and spilt my heart out to her (which I felt was a big mistake) and I was hit with a big wall of rejection and ice cold messages back. She gave me the traditional "Something didn't feel right anymore and i feel like i need to be on my own now" type of stuff. I asked if I could call her and she wouldn't let me, she said she thought it wasn't a good idea and when I persisted she said that it would just make it harder if we did. She seems to be cutting me out of her life after she was so loving to me for so long and it seems practically out of the blue and I know how strong her feelings for me were because she always expressed them to me very strongly, as did I. She told me I "can text her if I want to talk about something, if not then dont ask, sorry" And among these things she said before the call part that "She needs time to figure stuff out for herself right now" and all of that. She also mentioned "Just text it. Sorry ___ (my name)I'm not going to change my mind. I need my own time to figure stuff out for me. You can say something if it will make you feel better but it won't change anything"

At this point I felt horrible, I didn't know what to think anymore. I haven't texted her in 4 days or talked to her at all. I don't understand how she could just reject me so bitterly like that, we did argue but why wouldn't she at least try to rebuild or give us a second chance? I know people say that I should give it time, but I don't know if this applies to her. She's usually a girl with a temper, she can be kind of stubborn sometimes but at the same time when she was mad she would usually just ask for some space to cool off instead of having people try to comfort her in any given situation. I just can't fully interpret what's going on in this situation and if I should just move on with it, or if I should keep trying, because I really do want to fix it. I don't feel like this recent stretch has to be the end of such a strong relationship. It's driving me insane, but I need to know what other people think. What do her responses mean, are they just asking for time or is she just done, just like that?

She didn't seem nearly as affected by all of it as I did and that's because she fell back on the new group of friends that she's been hanging out with. I sometimes made small comments about them recently too and I think that irritated her but I do like them because they are my friends too. I know she probably wants freedom and doesn't want to feel uncomfortable about hanging out with them or feel that she has to hang out with me or whatnot, but this shouldn't be the way to resolve the issue. I told her I'd be willing to just balance everything and that I wouldn't mind her hanging out with all of them as often as she wants and that I would too, I really meant it and I got shut down. I expressed everything, and I did what other people have done by apologizing and promising new things and she just kept rejecting me. I made up with her best friend who I had been in a big fight with for the past 3 weeks as well, I know that bugged her too. What do you guys think of all of this?

I was just recently thinking of calling her really quickly just to let her know that I understand her feelings and want to thank her for all of the good times we had together. I wanted to tell her that I'm sorry about everything and bothering her earlier in the week but that I respect her decision and that maybe us being apart right now is the best thing for now. But I want to be her friend and try to rebuild everything over time if that's possible. Should I call her to tell her this or just leave it and not try to contact her for a longer period?

I'm just worried that she's one of those girls who won't look back to the past and good times once she's made a decision and I'm afraid that time will only make our chances of getting back together even smaller. She has her friends and support, she hangs out with them and has fun with them, I mean yeah I'm sure those feelings may not be the same, but they don't just disappear, I know they're still in there somewhere. It's just being overshadowed right now. I feel that with time she will just enjoy her friendships and keep having fun with them until she completely forgets about me, and then she'll move on to someone else. I couldn't live with the idea of her having sex with another guy, I think I would go insane. At least not until we're in university, and I don't think she would do that to me, but I know she has her urges as I do. And our sex life was really good too. What do I do?

[talaniman]

Sorry guy, as this sounds like your first break up but its not unusual for a persons feelings to change about a partner really fast and out of the blue. Happens all the time, young and old alike, but there is little to be done but give yourself time to get over the shock, and move beyond the heartbreak.

Accept that things have changed and bow out gracefully with your dignity, and self respect intact, and just leave her alone. In time you heal.

[Homegirl 50]

You leave her alone.
It will take time but it can be done, it is done. Don't call her or text her you will only make things worse.
It sounds as if this relationship has run it's course.