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eggplant123 · Mar 4, 2011, 10:42 PM

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 4 years, and in the last two years, we are in different cities because I moved for medical school. He is 12 years older than me and has been successful in his career (around half million in the bank). He recently decides to quit his job soon and move to my city to start a family together. I never have expected to have an expensive wedding because he will be out of work until he find another job and we are just not the type who spend extravagantly. However, he told me he assumed we would not have a wedding (cakes, flower and dress), and he want to buy me a $500 ring and hopefully upgrade it later. I felt a little disappointed and "not special" for not having a wedding day. I mentioned a couple with less money but manage to have a nice wedding on a budget and how I can have the entire thing (ring+wedding+ honey moon) for around 10k and I will pay for part of it. He got so mad as if I suddenly turned into a material girl and everything is all about me, not us, and I shall find myself another men if that is what I want. Honestly, I hate the idea about not wearing a wedding gown nor have a wedding in my life but I love him... I will become a doctor soon and make good living, I don't understand how he think I am sabotaging his retirement money, So please help me..

Wondergirl · Mar 4, 2011, 10:50 PM

My wedding cost nearly nothing, so I know it can be done. And if you are willing to pay for it, or most of it, why should he care. What are his plans for getting married? -- going to the county clerk's office? Flying to Las Vegas?

redhed35 · Mar 5, 2011, 12:31 AM

You can still have a great wedding with a small budget.

Does he WANT to get married, he got you the ring,I'm trying to understand why he is not carrying that forward.

You would like a nice white wedding he wants something else, find the compromise.

brigde · Mar 13, 2011, 05:47 AM

He is eather tight with his money , and you would know if he is or not, or running away from marriage, looks like he is scared to commit, a wedding should not cost all that money anyway, if it is only him spending money then do it all at the best prices 10k is a awfull lot in this day and age ,

Fr_Chuck · Mar 13, 2011, 06:02 AM

Again, it is 1/2 your wedding and if you and he can afford it, and want to spend the money, Are you sure it is the cost or the actual wedding.

Call the bluff , ask if you go to the court house and get married will he do it ?

But on another note, I do wonderful weddings every week here in Atlanta for a few 100 dollars, or less than 1000. Outdoor wedding at the large gardens down town ( they do dozens of weddings a week there) Or at many of the wonderful halls and areas that rent within most budgets.

I have done wonderful weddings in the home, done then at local resorts or hotels , where they often give great discounts esp if guests stay there for the wedding.

But then many young couples want other types, I have done weddings at Six Flags on some of the rides, or in front of a ride so that was the first thing they did after saying I DO. A wedding in a hot air ballon,

Are you living together now ? If so, he may just veiw this as even "why" I am here now, a wedding does not give or change things,

If the wedding had been part of the requirement for him to move in, ( assuming he moved in) it may have been different also.

Cat1864 · Mar 13, 2011, 07:25 AM

I see a red flag that he quit his job and moved to where you are without having another job in place. Talk about messing with your retirement. Are you sure things happened the way he says they did and he didn't lose his job instead of quitting?

Another red flag, if he is concerned about a wedding costing money and messing with his retirement, what does he think a 'family' will do? Are children a part of his concept of a 'family'? If so, when is he wanting to start this family?

You may be becoming a doctor soon, but don't forget any loans that you have taken out and/or maternity leave if you do become pregnant? Not to mention malpractice insurance. Your 'making a good living' could take years to achieve.

As has been said, a wedding doesn't have to cost very much. No matter how much is spent on the wedding or ring, remember that the day you say 'I do' is a beginning of a new chapter not the end of the story. If you can't communicate and compromise on this, then you will probably have problems with discussing and compromising on other issues such as bills, raising children, etc. throughout the marriage. Communication problems do not disappear like fog on a sunny day when the ring is placed on your finger.

Communicate with each other and work together to find a compromise.

Fr_Chuck · Mar 13, 2011, 07:45 AM

So you and he lived in the same town before, what type of job did he do before.
And what type of job or work is he looking for now.

talaniman · Mar 13, 2011, 02:41 PM

Forget the wedding until he has a job, then you can have a clearer picture of what's practical, and what's not.

Maybe he thinks he is retired now. Better talk and get a very clear understanding of each other, so you can get your ducks in a row, and make a good decision for your futures.