[momo21]

I am currently in a relationship where my guy is 14 years older. Im 25 and he's nearing 40. We met almost three years ago and are currently living together. The beginning of our relationship started rather dramatically (he was still in one - I was in the dark about it for a few weeks. Their relationship had been on the rocks for awhile) I moved in with him shortly after his ex gathered the last of her things.

I know we moved quite fast, and despite all the drama and stress that circled around our relationship, we were still physically intimate with each other, until now. I feel like even though we do still have sex (maybe once a week)... it's always me pleasuring him and him putting in virtually no effort in pleasuring me. In short, I haven't had an orgasm since thanksgiving.

I used to talk to him about this but I feel like at this point I am just nagging him and I don't want to do that. He's not a very open person, so he gets defensive Very quickly. I kept trying to give myself excuses like "he works so hard" (he works 12-14 hour days) or that he's a lot older etc etc but at this point I am starting to lose confidence in myself. I feel like I am not an unattractive person, and I am fiercely loyal so I would never cheat on him, yet I can't help but feel like I've given up so many opportunities to be with someone who could possibly value intimacy as much as I do.

Am I being over dramatic about this? I care about him very much, but I am tired of feeling lonely and unwanted. Is it time I throw in the towel and look for greener pastures or is this just a part of life that I have to deal with when dating an older man. I know men and women are different but I can't imagine that when I'm forty, my sexual desires would dampen.

[mango99]

I am 18 in a current relationship to a 55 year old. The trick is to understand that he has gotten used to you. He thinks that you will not leave and therefore your needs and desires are unimportant to him. You've let him have the control and power over you.

you've been together for three years and eventually he has tested the waters doing annoying power-gaining techniques to see if you will react.

you haven't. Therefore he has simply dismissed your needs as a person indivudally.

Remember - first the bedroom then other aspects in life.

Try spicing up the bedroom. Walk in randomly in sexy lacey things. Roleplay. Ect etc.

If he isn't grateful for that - it's a clear sign that you should move on.

[Cat1864]

Has it been like this for your entire relationship or has it developed over time?
How is the rest of the relationship?
Does he show affection in other ways than sex?
Can you be intimate with each other without wanting it to turn into sex?

Other than a demanding work schedule, does he have anything else in his life that could be limiting his libido such as health concerns, stress, family/friend problems, etc. Is he on any medications or self medicating with alcohol or recreational drugs?

I don't think it is the quantity that is the problem but rather the quality.

Once a week with someone who works 12-14 hour days is not a bad average. However, it sounds like you are letting him get away with being lazy lover for reasons of your own. Are you afraid of losing him if you ask him to help you get off before he does? Is pleasuring him the only way you get sex?

You need to communicate with him about your needs in bed and if he is having any concerns of his own. You both need to put aside your own insecurities that appear to have both of you a bit defensive and work together as a couple to find a way to work through the issues you are having. If you can't talk about issues regarding sex, are you going to be able to discuss other issues such as pregnancy, finances, health, etc.