[JessicaGuitar]

My husband and I were best friends in collage and married after we graduated. We’ve been married for three years and have been together for six. He is 26 and I am 24. I’ll be straight to the point. According to the triangle of love we have a fatuous relationship. That means we have passion and commitment but no intimacy anymore. We were intimate for years and have admitted things to each other that we have never told anyone else and bonded over that.

Now, all he does all day for endless months at a time is watch the same movies over and over AND OVER again. And play video games. I try to talk to him but I get a dead end. I have blatantly said to him, “Baby, we are having intimacy problems” and I get almost nothing in return.

It’s gotten so bad that I have been attracted to another man because he is more intimate with me than my husband is. This man doesn’t even know I’m interested so there is no chance for an affair… yet. I want my best friend back and he doesn’t seem to care.
Please help me.

[zippit]

This post was up for a bit so I wanted to say something however you'll get some better advice later so stay posted.you can try getting involved in his activities,pick out a game you both can play,even if you hate it sit in on a movie make it fun makes some snacks so he feels you'r side of it.also hang in there relationships grow you guys might be in a what I call sideways growth pattern spreading out but it comes back together in time.Try to control yourself because this other guy could turn into any other guy and you'll drop your guard,it takes hard work to keep it together ask anyone that's been married 15 20 yrs.

[simoneaugie]

Has your husband had a thorough doctor check-up recently? Staring at the same movies and video games may be signs of depression. Tuning you out is probably something he is doing to keep his balance. You ask new questions, the movies he is familiar with do not.

The point is that he used to keep balanced and be emotionally intimate with you. What is different?

[I wish]

Sounds like he is having some personal issues. This might be tough, but maybe it's time to give him some space. When he's ready to talk, he will come to you.

If he doesn't seem to have any progress, then you'll need to continue to confront him. But don't just mention intimacy issues. You have communication issues too.

Otherwise, it's time for personal therapy for him and possibly marriage counselling for the two of you.

[Jake2008]

You have to reach him somehow, before something happens that you will regret, i.e. another man.

It is sort of like an adult child living at home, taking no responsibility for himself. You have to use some drastic measures to turn things around.

Set some expectations, set some goals. Set some mutually agreed upon possibilities to address problems, i.e. marriage counselling.

Set consequences to those expectations, and stick to them.

I think after time, it's not unusual for one or the other to just 'coast', thinking everything is okay, and by ignoring signs that should be obvious, choose not to, because it's easier to maintain the relationship with a blind eye. And why not, if there are no compelling reasons to address issues.

He has some catching up to do. You have already had time to fester a bit, and are are considering the attention from another man as a good thing for your ego. Which it probably is, but the point being, that you and your husband are going in opposite directions here. He's digging in, you're digging out.

Tell him you need to talk. Set a mutually agreed upon time, and place. Have your ducks all lined up so to speak. If you can't pour your heart out to your husband, who can you pour it out to. Tell him exactly how you are feeling, including that it was nice to receive the attention of another man.

How the two of you tackle this is up to what will work with you both. Start with the fact that changes have to be met, in order to add more substance to your communication together. Be specific.

If, when you have tried and done all you can think of to actively get some cooperation and participation in mutually agreeable ways, including maybe marriage counselling, and nothing is changing, he's not making any effort whatsoever, and you are more and more miserable, then it's time to skip a few chapters and make some serious decisions about your life with this man.

But, not to do everything you possibly can right now to save, improve and change your relationship is giving up without a fight, and that, you may regret for the rest of your life.