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stine123 · Feb 20, 2011, 07:50 AM

My daughter and I have a great relationship and she loves my girlfriend. I recently became aware that my child has missed 54 days of school and she does not have grads due to not attending school, because her mother is pulling her out for own reasons. My daughter is a very smart kid but she is not getting the proper guidance she needs from her mother. All I want is for her to do well in school and make a nice living for herself in the future, and I believe that my girlfriend and I can provide a lot better for her.

JudyKayTee · Feb 20, 2011, 07:58 AM

Then go to Court, PROVE that the mother is a danger to the child (emotionally or physically), PROVE that the child cannot graduate because the mother pulled her out of school too many days for no reason and ask for a change in custody.

A lot will depend on your living situation - I recently saw a change in custody denied because there was a live in girlfriend and not a wife. I don't know about your area.

In that case the Judge felt the "girlfriend" situation was not stable.

stine123 · Feb 20, 2011, 08:07 AM

Thank you very much for your answer, my girlfriend and I are very stable. We live in a great house, have great careers and good morals. I was hoping the mother would see the benefits for her to stay with us, but right now she is thinking of herself and not my child. I was hoping to do this without court, but I feel that I have to now. I just hope I can win this.

JudyKayTee · Feb 20, 2011, 08:08 AM

You can't get custody without a Hearing and PROOF of the mother's neglect. There is always a possibility that the mother would sign guardianship over to you or agree to a change in custody but I wouldn't do either without Court approval.

If you have proof, yes, you will win.

stine123 · Feb 20, 2011, 08:12 AM

I do have proof, I have the school report card and attendance reports. I hope this will help. Thanks again.

JudyKayTee · Feb 20, 2011, 08:25 AM

Excellent. Please come back and let us know how it works out - or continue to post if you have other questions.

Because of your daughter's age it is very possible that the Court will appoint a legal representative for her and that person will either interview all parties and make a recommendation to the Court OR bring in another party to interview everyone.

ScottGem · Feb 20, 2011, 08:30 AM

Wasn't the original custody ordered by a court? Of course you would need to go court to change custody.

Frankly though, I'm not sure you have enough to get a change of custody. What you need to do is contact the school system your daughter is registered in and ask about truancy laws. The mother may be violating those laws. I think the only thing a court will do is compel the mother to adhere to those laws. And you may be able to accomplish that by talking to the school district.

stine123 · Feb 20, 2011, 08:39 AM

We actually have joint custody of the child but she lives with her mother. Her mother moved an hour away and she didnt't give the new school my name. When I became aware of her attendance I had to fax the court documents to the school to prove I was the father, I went to the parent interview and met with the teacher and principle and that's when I found out she had missed all those days and also how she was doing in school. This just happened this year.

ScottGem · Feb 20, 2011, 09:32 AM

You have joint LEGAL custody. But she has primary physical custody. However, with joint legal custody you should have been consulted on any change in school. So that would be another strike against her in a custody battle.

So when you met with the school officials, what did they say about the truancy?

stine123 · Feb 20, 2011, 09:51 AM

Yes we have legal joint custody but she resides with the mother. Custody also states I have the right to all medical, educational and general welfare of the child.

We shared most of the custody up until her move 1hr away, last year.

I found out they ordered her to see the school social worker in November and they now want me to get in contact with this person. The mother was pregnant and was blaming most of the truancy because of it(She has 2 babies which aren't mine). I'm contacting them when school is back in on Tuesday to see what I can do about this. I'm generally looking for info on the net about good steps I can take which will be less dramatic. The mother seems to involve my daughter in all of this and treats her like a girlfriend. I'm having a hard time, searching endlessly through mostly custody/divorce cases and haven't found much similar situations.

JudyKayTee · Feb 20, 2011, 11:14 AM

I still think this is going to come down to a Court Hearing for a change in custody and adequate proof will be required. That proof, of course, can take any form. In my area school records have to be subpoenaed - and you need Court approval to do that.

ScottGem · Feb 20, 2011, 11:22 AM

Yes do contact them on Tue. And yes do keep in touch with the Social worker.

As far as good steps you can take, we have given you your best course of action. I still don't think you have enough to take to court for a change in custody. But the social worker may give you more. In the meantime document everything.

On another note, prior to the move what was the visitation arrangement? Alternate weeks? Was it court ordered? Did you live in the same school district? Did the move change your ability to exercise the same visitation?