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zibya · Feb 14, 2011, 08:35 AM

Hi, I have been with my boyfriend since 2008 and moved in with him Jan 2009. In May 2009 he got really ill & was in hospital where I was there everyday caring for him, feeding him, bathing him, shaving him etc. He came home September & things started getting rough. HE couldn't work, he was on medication & still is. Anyway, my ex boyfriend in Germany sent me money to help me out & I never told my boyfriend. During a fight it came out & it turned to mush. We made up, but after me telling his mom and my friends about how I felt when Eric and I have a falling out well it go back to him. He was so angry told me its over and there's no second chance. After a week of silent treatment we had sex (I initiated it) things went great, he made me breakfast, he put his head on my lap we had laughs it was great, then after his sons soccer game we came home and he was quiet, he said we need to talk. He said he can't forgive me for keeping the money away from him and for bashing him to my friends. I didn't think it would be such a huge issue.
He told me that he wants me to leave. My daughter has been so attached to him and his kids and we were a family. He doesn't want to give us another chance, he said he holds grudges and it feels the same as been cheated on.
He said he is also stressed with my ex husband and my court battles and it has a negative impact on our relationship. What do I do? I love this man so much and I don't want to break up this family.

stinaann · Feb 14, 2011, 11:47 AM

Well, I can understand where he's coming from as far as the money. I'm not sure if he's upset that you kept the money or the fact that while he was sick you were assotiating enough with your ex for him to send you that money. It was very generous of your ex, yes. But when you accept something like that from an ex and keep it a secret. It can cause really big problems.. in your case, it has. I suggest that you talk about it, civilized, no yelling. Let him know your true intentions. That they wernt intended to cause harm. Let him know how you feel, calmly and logically.

zibya · Feb 14, 2011, 01:52 PM

HIya, I never intentionally meant to hurt him, I wanted to clear my divorce from S and move on with E. E is a good man never abused me, so much fun to be with. I said awful things to him told him to f... off when I was angry. I tried talking to him yesterday but he said he can't forgive me the trust is broken. I have known my ex b/f M since I was 16 and when we were together and I was working I helped him with collage and plan tickets and he felt that since I helped him he would try to help me. M is in Germany and I am in Canada. M is married with a 2 year old child.

answerme_tender · Feb 14, 2011, 02:04 PM

Zibya,

I think you going behind his back and bashing him to not only your friends, but his FAMILY. For him belittling him to his family was a betrayal he cannot forgive. Let me also say that for him to not even want to give it a chance, he has probably been thinking this way for awhile and this was basically the last straw for him.

Im sorry that you have to go through this, but you basically have no choice but to find a place to move to Now, I would make sure its not within the same vicinity as to his place.

I would no longer beg him for ANYTHING. If you have already apologized then he either accepts it or NOT. You need to take this time to get YOUR priorities together, place for you and your children. I would check with your employer see if their benefit package includes counseling---the sign up for YOURSELF. You need a place that you can talk freely and guidance for your next journey in life.

I know this is going to be very difficult, but stay as occupied as you can. Don't let him draw you in to play booty call girl. If your not good enough to forgive then your not good enough to use for sex!!

Keep us posted--take care

talaniman · Feb 14, 2011, 06:22 PM

I can't blame the poor guy, as you have unresolved issues with your husband, and an ex you can go to for money, and now him.

Unpack your baggage lady, as no guy wants all the complicated drama you bring to a relationship. That's a bit much for a guy. He needs a break so let him have it. You have plenty to do on your own, without a man (men). Start with getting a divorce, and some anger management.

sorya · Feb 21, 2011, 09:30 AM

I've been in situations like this in the past. In all the cases I was in the role of your husband. As a guy when we get pissed off we really say things that we don't really mean our goal when we get hurt or find something out that hurts us is to do the same to you. I'm not saying it's right just telling you how it is. We say things in anger which we should never do just to hurt you and at times we don't ever really mean what we say. But if he has had time to think about the situation calmly and still says it's over then it's probably over. In the end though if he really loves you he will eventually forgive you and if he doesn't forgive you then he doesn't love you anymore and you should move on.