[stefan1096]

My girlfriend went to study abroad one month and a week ago. We broke up a week ago. Today she wrote me that she was raped at a party last night. She don´t want to denounce the guy nor to the police neither to the university. I don't know of I believe her. I want to go to the bottom of the issue. I was thinking of telling her to measure the scope of her words and to be consequent with them, which means either to denounce him and prove that she's serious, or to tell me that she made all up. So I was thinking of giving her these two options, and otherwise --if she doesn't pick one of them-- I tell her that I'd cut all contact with her. Should I do that?

[joypulv]

WOW. Clearly you are not in the mind of someone who has been raped. It isn't as easy as 'denouncing' the guy. She may be dragged through the mud herself, for drinking, for partying, for what she was wearing, for past relationships, for anything.

If I were a nice guy (I'm a woman) I would put aside your breakup, put aside your either-or mentality, and go hold her hand and just let her talk. Don't say one word except hmm or ohh or sigh. Let her finish. Find out what she needs and wants next; maybe a school counselor. All schools have them.

[talaniman]

YES, leave her alone, as your solution work only for you, and since you have no empathy, or support for whatever she decides to do, then keep your A$$ out of it. I read some dumb, stupid crap all the time, but you take the cake.

[mystific]

I was thinking of telling her to measure the scope of her words and to be consequent with them

What an arrogant selfish person you are. (There's a colourful array of words I'd love to cover you in but ***** just don't get it across)

You gave her an ultimatum? Are you freakin serious? Have you asked her how she is? How is she coping? Has she gone to the hospital/doctor? Does she remember anything?

After something so degrading, humiliating, soul destroying and physically repulsive you're demanding her make a choice. How about being there for her and making sure that she is OK first rather than what YOU WANT.

A cold dead fish has more feeling than you.

[Cat1864]

I agree with everything that been posted so far, but I am going to give you a chance to explain yourself a bit better.

Why don't you believe her? Do you think this is a ploy of some type to get attention or do you believe that a woman isn't telling the truth about a rape unless she submits herself for public humiliation?

Since you are obviously not a native English speaker, I don't know where you are or what services are available for your ex. That said, most cities these days have a rape crisis center. If you can't give her the support she needs, look up the numbers for her and send them to her.

I hope for everyone's sake that she gets the aid she needs and that you learn a better way of handling a crisis.

For that matter, I suggest you learn more about the subject and what victims go through and how survivors do so by getting the support they need from the very beginning.

[DoulaLC]

Whether you believe her or not, and you may have reasons you doubt her, give her the benefit of your doubt and encourage her to contact a rape crisis center or ring a hotline. She can do so anonymously. She would likely be able to inquire at the university for contact information.
Be available if she needs or wants to talk about it.

[ussr bdog]

Talk to here and give her space