[nicki714]

After finding out that my husband has a child from a one night stand he started taking the necessary steps to provide for the child and wants to be as active in the child's life as possible. The mother of the child is not well off and we have tried as much as possible to help her out including not taking her to court for set visitation and things like that. BUT the state gave her the option to file for back child support, the issue is my husband has been trying to find out if the child was his from the day she found out she was pregnant, she did not let him know that she had the baby until the baby was 3 or 4 months old and then did not get a dna test right away. He began doing for the child from the time the child was born and when it was finalized by the dna test he really stepped up to the plate and did for the child spending about 200 or so dollars a month on things the mother said the child needed. Then at the beginning of January they gave her the option to get back child support, she called him and told him about it and then agreed that she shouldn't file for it, and then told him that she didn't. Well today we get our tax refund back and she DID file for back child support and they took a significant amount of our taxes to cover the back c hild support. What can we do about it? Are they legally allowed to touch my (his wife) taxes when we filed separately because of this situation in the first place? WHAT ARE OUR OPTIONS?? IT SEEMS THE STATE IS WORKING AGAINST US AND WITH HER ALSO BECAUSE THEY Don't RETURN OUR PHONE CALLS AND THEN WHEN THEY DO ANSWER THE PHONE THEY PUT US ON HOLD FOR LITERALLY 30 MINUTES AT A TIME!!

[JudyKayTee]

I don't understand why your husband didn't demand DNA as soon as he learned of the chlld - but that time, of course, has passed.

He will be ordered to pay child support in accordance with your State's laws. Support paid OUTSIDE a Court Order is considered to be a gift - so anything he sent or spent is not factored into what he owes. And, yes, in some States she can file for back support. You are obviously in one of those States.

Yes, they can "touch" your tax refund if you did not file an injured spouse form (and apparently you did not). It's joint money - all of it is yours, all of it is his. It's not half and half.

If you are saying you filed married/individual and "they" took YOUR refund, no, they cannot do that.

I would advise against any side agreements with the mother. They are not enforceable (she cannot waive her legal rights) and apparently she fluctuates back and forth.

[nicki714]

He did demand a test as soon as he found out about the child, he actually went to the local dept of human services and asked what he needed to do to get it and they told him that all he could do was wait until the child was born and hope that she initiated a dna test...

Paying the child support is not a problem but is there any sort of guarantee that we are given by doing that? Are we going to be guaranteed to get to see the child at a set time during the month or is it all going to be at her discretion??

[J_9]

You are going to have to go to court for visitation to see the child.

As for the taxes, I'm not sure, but you might be able to file an amended return claiming injured spouse.

[JudyKayTee]

he did demand a test as soon as he found out about the child, he actually went to the local dept of human services and asked what he needed to do to get it and they told him that all he could do was wait til the child was born and hope that she initiated a dna test...

paying the child support is not a problem but is there any sort of guarantee that we are given by doing that? Are we going to be guaranteed to get to see the child at a set time during the month or is it all going to be at her discretion???

This is very bad "legal" advice, indeed. EITHER PARTY can request DNA - it's not the choice of the mother (alone).

What process did he use to "demand" DNA testing; what Court proceeding?

Child support and visitation/custody are separate issues. Your husband (you realize that this is all about him, there is no "we" here) has to file a request for visitation/custody. It is not automatic.

If, in fact, you get an Order and the mother doesn't allow visitation then you can have her held in contempt in the same fashion that she could attempt to have your husband held in contempt if he doesn't pay support.

[cdad]

I would like to add that there is no way to be blind sided when you actually attend the hearings it takes to get the support started. He should have been there. From the way your explaining it he wasn't there at all and so they treated him like all the other fathers ( a walking wallet ).

[onehotmess]

Agreed with JudyKayTee,
Either Mother or Father can request a DNA test. A Father would need to file a petition with the courts to get this process started if he wants to know and the Mother has not filed or requested a DNA test done through a local state agency that will provide this service.
Your husband- (why is it hardly ever the Fathers' asking around, but their wives? ) will need to file a petition to get a visitation order in place. He can also request a hearing for Temporary Orders as well or your husband and baby mama's can meet together with their attorney's to discuss a schedule for visitations for their child.

I would recommend that later process since it ensures that both sides get something that they want and are comfortable with. If you let the Judge decide both sides might walk away feeling like they took it up the rear without lube!

I'm not sure where you are at, but here in Texas if the NCP prior to being ordered to pay Child Support has paid for support for their child and can show proof of this it can be deducted from what is owed in back support. i.e. checks that state CHILD SUPPORT, receipts of items bought that will take care of the child (diapers,formula, clothing etc)
I would suggest YOUR HUSBAND seeks the advice of a local attorney that can help him out in this matter.
With the tax refund repo... I would think your return should have been untouched if you did file separately.
However, if you filed jointly- just might be a bullet you took for the team.
Might need to get use to it if your hubby keeps having 'one night stands' unprotected. :(

[nicki714]

let me say this, advice is what is needed not opinions. SOOOOO if you have some random non helpful information that is just your opinion then keep it to yourself.

He "demanded" a DNA test by going to the DHS here and asking them what he needed to do and they said he couldn't do anything. He "demanded" a dna test from her through text messages, phone conversations, etc...

also, as for the one night stands he was not my husband at the time of this event so that little comment that was made had nothing to do with what I was asking for from you.

It is the father that is inquiring as far as what can be done but neither of us knew exactly which way to turn so as we both sit here and talk it out it is easier for me to type and tell it from my perspective.

[nicki714]

There was no court hearing, there was no hearing at all... he was told be here this day to sign the papers for this and that. You are right about being treated like a walking wallet.

[JudyKayTee]

let me say this, advice is what is needed not opinions. SOOOOO if you have some random non helpful information that is just your opinion then keep it to yourself.

He "demanded" a DNA test by going to the DHS here and asking them what he needed to do and they said he couldnt do anything. he "demanded" a dna test from her thru text msgs, phone conversations, etc...

also, as for the one night stands he was not my husband at the time of this event so that little comment that was made had nothing to do with what i was asking for from you.

It is the father that is inquiring as far as what can be done but neither of us knew exactly which way to turn so as we both sit here and talk it out it is easier for me to type and tell it from my perspective.

Who are you addressing? There is no way to control who will or who won't answer your questions. This is a public internet site with all sorts of people with all different levels of experience and expertise posting, both asking and answering.

That having been said - DHS is incorrect. EITHER PARENT can "demand" a DNA test to prove paternity. It is possible that a Court action must be started first. That might be what DHS is talking about.

This is not a random opinion. I know the law. I work with the law.

Go back and ask again OR contact an Attorney who, presumably, will give you the answers you want to hear.

[ScottGem]

let me say this, advice is what is needed not opinions. SOOOOO if you have some random non helpful information that is just your opinion then keep it to yourself.

That's not how this site works. Once you post a question you open yourself up to any response that does not violate our rules. You cannot dictate who can or cannot respond or how they respond. If you think a response violates the rules then report it.

He "demanded" a DNA test by going to the DHS here and asking them what he needed to do and they said he couldnt do anything. he "demanded" a dna test from her thru text msgs, phone conversations, etc...

You seem to be aware that this is a legal issue, so did it ever occur to your or him that you should consult an attorney? An attorney would have told him to file for joint legal custody as soon as the child was born. The court would have then ordered a paternity test to establish legal paternity.

also, as for the one night stands he was not my husband at the time of this event so that little comment that was made had nothing to do with what i was asking for from you.

Given what you posted it was not clear when this one night stand occurred. You should have specified it was prior to your marriage.

It is the father that is inquiring as far as what can be done but neither of us knew exactly which way to turn so as we both sit here and talk it out it is easier for me to type and tell it from my perspective.

I would strongly advise getting an attorney because he clearly doesn't have a clue what he is getting himself in for and blundering around making things worse.

Like I said, he should be filing in court for joint legal custody and a visitation schedule. And he should be doing that ASAP.

I will add that he is to be commended for standing up and taking responsibility for his actions. And you are to be commended for standing by him. But he needs to stop pussyfooting around and get legal representation.