[theresa_lee01]

My 2 married co workers have been cheating for 2 years now and people including myself have known for quite sometime (both are not discreet about it either). Most of us at work know their spouses and their families being in a small town. Now that the cat is out of the bag, one of my co workers' wife is asking about her husband's affair. I want to keep out of it but she keeps insisting. What do I do? Btw, she is also a friend.

[mystific]

Tell her exactly that. You don't want to ruin a friendship over her husband's alleged affair, so you don't wish to comment about it.

As much as I understand her wanting to get to the bottom of it all.. she really is asking the wrong person. Go to the source, then you get it from the horses's mouth, so to speak, without the chinese whispers in between.

She needs to respect the fact that you stilll work with her husband and any information you may impart, may have a ripple affect on your working life.

Not an easy situation. Goodluck.

[talaniman]

When asked, you can only be honest. Very different from seeking her out with what you know. I hesitate to spread work rumors since I doubt any of your co workers have actually seen them do anything but be together at work.

But in being honest with your friend, only share what YOU know to be fact. Or simply say, I don't know!!

The rumor mill, even in a small town is very persuasive but not necessarily accurate.

[marie32]

I think she would and should understand if you do not want to become involved because of the work relationship. Even though she is your friend she should realize your reasons for not wanting to get involved.

[JudyKayTee]

I'm an investigator. I do matrimonial surveillances. You would be amazed by what people think they know about affairs and cheating. Unless you are physically in the bedroom with two people you don't know what's going on. I've known people to lie in all directions, and one of those directions is to say they ARE having an affair when they are NOT.

My advice? I agree with Talaniman. She is your friend, you tell her what you KNOW, not what you heard, not what you think, not your suspicions. Yes, there is gossip; no, no one has admitted anything to you.

[Fr_Chuck]

You could tell her about what you actually KNOW, not what you were told by others, or what you think you know.

[JudyKayTee]

I'm going to personalize this a little. I sometimes work with a partner - either male or female, depends on the circumstances. Some years ago my husband was home, recovering from a heart attack, and I was doing a bar surveillance (checking to see if the bar's employees were honest). Much of my work is confidential and my husband and I had not discussed where I would be working that night.

I got home to discover that a "friend" of mine had seen me and my male counterpart sitting at the bar, "looking cozy," and had called my husband with her suspicions. My husband was in the very odd position of trusting me, knowing I was working somewhere - and being unable to say I was working. If he had NOT trusted me this could have been a serious problem - and did I mention he was home, recovering from a heart attack? (He said if that phone call didn't kill him, nothing would, and we laughed about it.)

So - unless you're asked directly, I say remain silent. If asked, tell what you KNOW and ONLY what you KNOW.