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frogina · Jan 20, 2011, 03:33 AM

My son has Asperger's and is now 19 and about to enter a program at the local tech college. He has had a girlfriend for about 5 months (17 years old), and asks permission to go see her (she lives on the other side of town, an hour bus ride). Her mother commented recently that he shouldn't have to ask for permission because he is an adult. I think this is resulting from a couple of overnight invitations that I said no to. However, I do question if I am being too involved considering he IS 19, and he still listens to me if I say he shouldn't go. I don't want to impede his independent growth, but I am nervous about him making mistakes. I hate the idea I am considered a domineering mom! Am I TOO controlling?

tickle · Jan 20, 2011, 04:15 AM

Some symptoms of Aspergers may improve with age and only you know as his mother just how far he can function. Look at it this way, he has a g/f, he will be going to tech college. You have to test the waters and see just what he can and cannot handle in the social sphere. Why don't you let him make a few decisions of independence and see how it goes. After all, as you say he is l9, and almost an adult. He will be married in time, have a job, so now is the time to see just what he can accomplish. It will be difficult for you, but you should be able to be less domineering, but you are only that way because you are a mom. Good luck !

Tick

Just_Another_Lemming · Jan 20, 2011, 06:09 AM

frogina, I applaud you for recognizing, questioning, and reassessing your role in your son's life as he ages. Considering you have had to go the extra mile for him during his life, what is now occurring isn't out of the norm. I can sympathize with how difficult it must be for you to begin the process of letting go when a child needs parental help as much as your son has needed you throughout his life.

I agree with Tick. It is now time to begin to lift the restrictions and allow him to make his own decisions. He is at the threshold of living an independent life from you. Help him with that transition. Continue to be the rock in his life that you appear to be. Keep an eye on him and only help him when he needs or asks for help. Yes, he will make mistakes. We all did at that age. So, just use those moments he makes mistakes to teach him to make the correct decisions. Not to be morbid, but you know you will not always be around for him. So, this is the right time to begin to help him to prepare for his role as an adult and to learn how to properly deal with everything life will throw at him as he ages.