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EngagedorNot · Jan 14, 2011, 05:45 PM

My fiancé proposed to me almost ten months ago. I lived two hours away. So I quit my job and moved in with him. Every time I bring up wedding plans he get agitated with me. I have never even heard of someone being engaged for almost a year and not even talking about a wedding. When I ask him now, he says that he is real close to making a decision (meaning picking a date). If someone is completely in love with you, do they delay like this? I so want to believe in him but my gut is telling me he is not completely in love with me. Help!

Fr_Chuck · Jan 14, 2011, 08:01 PM

You know it is not he that "picks a date" you are a couple choose a date, sounds more like he knew you would not move in unless you were engaged and merely did that to get you to move in,

Now that he "has the key to the barn" there is no need to "buy the cow" *** ( an old saying)

So get out a calender and tell him that you decided that you would pick the date and if he wants to recommend any he can. See what he says,

Just Dahlia · Jan 15, 2011, 07:16 PM

When you 'got engaged' did he ask you to marry him? Or was this like a promise to ask you to marry him at a later date? Was there an engagement ring involved? (not that it really matters, just curious)

If you are a couple, you both decide what happens in your lives, not just him, remember that or run away now, because it will be very hard to change it later.

talaniman · Jan 15, 2011, 07:26 PM

I think you leave until he does make a decision. Close to one doesn't count.

Devorameira · Jan 16, 2011, 01:48 PM

I think you totally jumped the gun when you moved in with him. What's the real advantage for him to marry you now? He's already got you where he wants you without the commitment.

EngagedorNot · Jan 16, 2011, 07:02 PM

Yeah, I think I may have jumped the gun as well. Yes, he did propose with a ring, a very magnificent ring. He says that he just likes to do everything on his own terms or timeline. I have proposed a date this summer, and he does not like the date but he does not propose another date. I get embarrassed when people ask about the wedding. I don't know what to tell them! Should I give him a date to decide by?

DoulaLC · Jan 16, 2011, 08:19 PM

I'd rethink moving forward with marriage just yet and also consider moving back out if at all possible. Give him some space to think about what he really wants to do.

That he gets agitated when you bring up wedding ideas and that he "likes to do everything on his own terms and timeline", are two big red flags that he may not be ready just yet for that type of a commitment.

talaniman · Jan 16, 2011, 09:08 PM

He says that he just likes to do everything on his own terms or timeline.

Is this how he does EVERYTHING? You better know that before you get married. Or even consider it further.

ShirRheaMartyne · Jan 18, 2011, 11:13 AM

Wow. Seems to me he needs to miss u some more. U need to hop on the next train and move four hours away. Maybe he will get the point. But u may have jump the gun moving with him or he could have just asked u to marry him to get u to move with him. Be careful some men are snakes that way. But honestly he doesn't seem too excited about the marriage. When u move with someone things change because u learn each other habits more. Maybe he's trying to push u away without really sayng it. Jfk. U need to talk to hiagain and tell him how serious you are and he needs to get it together or yore give.. good luck !